Some Tips for Hosting

As mentioned in my last post, I recently catered and hosted a Christmas party for 75. I love to have my home full of conversation, good smells, beauty and laughter, and throwing a big party is just the ticket. This is the second time I've hosted this particular party, although we've done other similar events. I've learned some tips and tricks along the way.

Tip #1 - Enlist help
Find several helpers, and choose them carefully. Find people who either love to serve by nature, or want to learn about hosting. We used real dish ware, so washing dishes was an all-evening affair for 3 people (in the mudroom, by hand). I also had some parking attendants at the beginning, and asked helpers to replenish food and drinks. They were also the ones I counted on to help with a myriad of small tasks, and I just supervised and tried to sit down as often as possible!

Tip #2 - Meticulous planning
I'm a list-maker and nothing brings me more pleasure than to cross things off. Creating a menu, shopping and to-do lists are so much fun for me! I got a little spiral notebook just for this party and kept it close by at all times for a few weeks ahead. Once I knew how many guests to expect and the budget, I could set to work coming up with a menu that was tasty, manageable and met various dietary needs (aka, omnivores, vegetarians, lactose-intolerant, etc...things have really changed since I first got married and started hosting!). Careful planning and lists, lists, lists are key to throwing a big party.

Tip #3 - Don't offer too many items
I had about 15 menu items, which in hindsight is still a few too many. Consider having 3 or 4 "wow" items and then fill in the rest of the menu with the old standbys. Inevitably, there are the crowd favorites and the duds...and sometimes you can't predict this; I made sure I had plenty of shrimp cocktail, but we had gobs leftover and not nearly enough California rolls. I wanted this menu to be "international" so we offered items from the Mid-East, Asia, Italian, Caribbean and American.

Tip #4 - Don't try to make everything from scratch
I decided to make a lot of the food here at home, but I outsourced some, too. On the day of, I picked up ready-made falafel, sushi and bbq from local sources. I made baked ziti and a creole sauce with rice and beans several days ahead and stored it in the freezer. I bought some desserts and had my daughter make a few items. My other daughter has a great salad recipe so I asked her to make a massive quantity of it. I kept the drinks simple - just sweet tea and flavored waters, hot cider and coffee.

Tip #5- Plan out each day's activities for a week ahead
Starting with shopping, I worked a little each day leading up the the event. Several things I could cook ahead and freeze, but then finding space for those items to thaw had to be factored in. So each day had a few tasks, considering storage space in the refrigerator, freezer and oven. I assigned tasks to myself and those that were helping me on the day of. And of course, my sweet husband was willing to give me his entire late afternoon to be 'on call.'

Tip #6 - Include ALL tasks, no matter how small, on that list!
Lighting candles 15 minutes before showtime is an essential and time consuming task! Put it on the list! Changing from my work clothes to my party clothes was also on that activities list, as was turning on the coffee makers. Cleaning the bathrooms, stocking toilet paper and making sure the dishwasher was empty were other things on that week-of list. And delegate, delegate, delegate. Decide what you must do and then give the rest of the tasks to someone else.

Tip #7 - Don't sweat the small stuff
At the last minute, we were blowing breakers left and right with all the coffee urns and outdoor heaters. We had to scramble to find a solution, but I passed that off to my husband whom I trust to do things well. We ran out of broccoli salad, and someone set a small fire on my dining table. But we just deal with those things...remember to keep the main thing, the main thing...we want everyone to be well-fed, feel appreciated and just have a good time being together.

Tip #8 - Leave the big clean up til morning
I am DONE by the time everyone heads home around 10 pm. So, even though the kitchen is a disaster, I leave it until the morning. I know I will have tons more energy when the sun comes up, and I will tackle that project bright and early. I asked my helpers to get all the dishes, glassware, forks, and coffee cups cleaned before they left, and I took care of the serving platters, trays, coffee urns, etc. myself. I turned on my favorite Pandora Christmas station (Johnnyswim Holiday, btw) and worked like a little Christmas elf all morning.

My home was designed with hospitality in mind. One of the best spaces is the kitchen/breakfast/keeping room area, where all 75 people stood at the end of the party for a little speech. In addition, I have a large covered porch with a fireplace, so I installed curtains to enclose it, and bought some outdoor heaters, which gave us lots of extra overflow space, even on a December night. Two years ago when I threw this party, I moved a lot of my furniture out and brought in tables and chairs and made sure there was a place setting for every person. This year, I left the house as it was, brought in folding chairs and we had a more casual affair. I find that only about half of the people actually sit down at an event like this; most people are on the move with their plate in hand and only sit for a few minutes at a time. I counted about 50 places to sit in my house the way it was (furniture, fireplace hearth, outdoor chairs, ottomans, etc.) so I didn't need a ton of extra seating. Thankfully everyone milled about from the kitchen (where the food was served buffet-style on my island) to the other rooms on the first floor.

I'm looking forward to hosting again in the new year. This is my way of showing people that I love them, that I appreciate them. And I feel a huge sense of satisfaction knowing that they ate something yummy in my home and shared life with me.

Menu:
Shrimp shooters (2 shrimp served in a puddle of cocktail sauce in a shot glass)
Creole sauce with Rice and Beans (veg)
Baked Ziti (veg)
Bacon-wrapped dates with goat cheese
Falafel with Tahini (veg)
California rolls (veg)
NC BBQ sliders
Anitipasti (cheese, olives, nuts, grapes, crackers) (veg)
Lobster bites
Broccoli Salad
Caprese Skewers (veg)
Oreo Truffle balls
Chocolate covered pretzels
Assorted Cookies
Candy
Hot cider
Coffee/tea
Flavored still and sparkling water
Sweet Tea

Times of Refreshing

This year, 2015, has turned out to be just we were hoping for...a year of renewal, refreshing, and spiritual rest. Our first grandbaby, Esther, just celebrated her first birthday last week. She came into the world just as ours was taking a dramatic turn for the better. I have been tempted at times to feel guilty for all this abundance, but I have been reminded to just bask in it, soak it in, and give thanks. There are times of suffering and times of blessing in life, and we must praise God no matter what. 

As I reflect on 2015, I am reminded of some highlights...

Esther & Fam
Esther was born at the end of 2014, and there were several cross-country visits to see her in her early months. But then, Esther, her trusty pooch, Butter and their lovely parents moved to North Carolina and lived in our basement apartment for 3 months! And, as if it couldn't get any better, they bought their first home just 25 SHORT minutes from my home. It has been so amazingly wonderful to live close to my sweet eldest daughter and her family...moments I've longed for since she moved to the west coast 6 years ago. Visits over coffee, long chats in front of my fireplace, frequent dinners together, getting to know her fantastic husband, dog-sitting the grand-dog, worshiping alongside them. My heart would be full even if this were the only good thing that happened this year, but alas, God had so much more in store...

Doing what he loves

The End of the Recession

We went into 2015 expecting great things. We were hoping our suspicions were correct, that the slump in the housing market was coming to an end, and my husband could come back to our family residential contracting business full time. We have prayed and believed for that dream during SEVEN long years of weekly business travel, and in March, Kirk quit his corporate job and came home. Our business is booming, and we have been able to provide employment for 2 other men. We do what we love, helping people build or remodel their homes, and make a living at it, too!

Extended family reconciliation
We have had the wonderful and unexpected privilege of renewing some long lost relationships in our extended family. Sometimes your hope for these things grows weary, and you kind of settle. But God has surprised us with some really amazing and fresh connections with relatives, and more frequent, warm communication with our loved ones. It's never too late!

Congrats, Jessie!

Graduation
We celebrated with our youngest daughter, Jessie as she completed her Bachelor's at Appalachian State in May. She also finally landed an 8-5 real job that she loves and we are so happy for her. She will be paying off her loans and saving for the next phase of life - a new car? a house down payment? travel? We are now feeling like our active parenting is really coming to a close, and I'd say we were officially "empty-nesters" except that our house has been full of family all year! I think having your adult kids live with you for a season is a huge blessing. All of ours have done it for different periods of time and for different reasons, but we love them and love being able to help them however we can. The great thing about it is that they are now mature, they love you, and they are not dependent on your for much at all. You just love being together.

Making their baby announcement!

Dr. and Mr. Metty

Settling in NC

Moves and changes for all our kids

Our daughter-in-law Stacey also had a big graduation from UNC School of Dentistry in May, and practices in Charleston, SC. Jon and Stacey moved there over the summer, where Jon was already working at his dream job. Nathan and his wife, Mary moved back to Greensboro in June as he is back in school full time, working on an engineering degree (all the men in our family will soon be mechanical engineers!). They are expecting Emma in February and we are so excited to have another little girl to love. More baby showers...making room for another Metty!

July 20, 1985

Thirtieth Anniversary

July 20, 1985 was the day we tied the knot...and it's been a glorious 30 years full of adventure, challenge, joy, travel, lots of people and lots of love. Kirk and I went to NYC for a few days of biking, a Yankees game, sailing on the Hudson River, dining on the Upper West Side. Ours is a deep bond, he's my lover and best friend, and it's been so worth the effort to make a great marriage.

Community
Some of the little blessings have come to us through spending time with strangers. We have hosted several AirBnB guests and gotten to know people we would otherwise never meet. We participated in welcoming a Somali refugee family (of 10!) to our area and have learned so much about the great needs of refugees around the world. (Side note: if you ever feel like America is 'going to hell in a hand basket'...think again, and be grateful instead - our country is the most amazing, affluent, democratic, free, opportunity-laden and plentiful place on earth. It won't get any better than this, this side of heaven.) I have begun teaching cooking classes again, and getting to know a whole new crop of 20-somethings. And we just catered and hosted a Christmas party for 75 here at our home for all the staff and spouses at our church.

    

Celebrations

Our latest annual Gingerbread House (is it our 25th?) happened this week, and the house is filled with the sights, sounds and smells of Christmas. Every time I walk in the kitchen, I am met with the cozy aroma of gingerbread. And of course, Esther's first birthday was a week of parties and fun. She has become such a darling, always sweet, good-natured, adventurous, and smiling. There is nothing better than to see her bright eyes greet me when we see each other and for her to reach out to me. She has this way of "hugging" me where she buries her head in my chest and tucks her arms between us, just all scrunchy and cozy! And then when I get the chance to rock her to sleep, singing her favorite song softly as she dozes off...I can't think of a better way to spend 20 minutes doing nothing at all.

photo by Abby Stalsbroten

A prayer: "Thank you Jesus, for coming to earth as a vulnerable baby to bring joy and hope to a dying world. Without you, without your influence on human history, we would be a wretched people. You have brought a glint of heaven to us, and we are so grateful for your gracious gifts of love, family, home, health and joy. And of course the hope of heaven, when all things will be made right, especially for the many who have not enjoyed these things on earth. Come, Lord Jesus, come."

"Radiant beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace..." - Silent Night

Pasta with the Masses

Ready, set, go! Oh, so organized...but not for long!

Before the holidays, we had a lesson in pasta making, which I've discussed here before. But it's always new to someone who hasn't learned it before and I love watching faces light up with the joy of discovery! I always start this lesson thinking I'm going to keep my kitchen under control...but inevitably, it ends up looking like a bomb went off. It's all good though...everyone pitches in and helps with the clean-up. And we always have a good time being together. 

These guys always want a challenge!

Just an all-around good time, learning new stuff, laughing and eating. 

Next time, though, fewer students.

Waiting for Peach Cake

You know me, I appreciate a good recipe when I see one. If I find something new and intriguing, it will have to meet several criteria to make it into my favorites box where I will work it into my repertoire:

• manageable, reasonable instructions
• easily obtained ingredients
• crowd favorite
• doesn't create a disaster in my kitchen

I have also found that some foods feel right in summer, while others feel right in cold weather. I never want to eat salad in the winter. Soup in August is out of the question. 

Summer = watermelon, ribs, salads, peaches, blueberries, tomatoes, anything grilled

Winter = soup, stew, warm bread, roasts, casseroles (We visited Krakow, Poland a few times and were once served bread with a crock full of lard as an appetizer. I guess they understand the concept of fattening oneself up before a bitterly cold winter.)

I've always wanted to be great at ribs. Pork ribs. The rack you find in the meat department that is just begging for an audience of hungry men. I knew there was some mystery about slow cooking, but I was unsure of myself, and unwilling to make the investment. But then one day, I had an email pop up from Smitten Kitchen (one of my favorites) with the perfect directions. I tried it, and they were amazing. The hungry men in my life were full and happy and there were even leftovers. I discovered the secret to a great brisket when I lived in TX as a newlywed, and the plentiful meat from a slab of beef like that is also a big crowd-pleaser. Summer meats. Summer yummy. Ribs will definitely find their way into my recipe box!

Another summer treat is peaches. It almost seems sinful to do anything with a perfectly ripe peach other than just eat it in its natural form. But I have super-fond memories of being in the kitchen with my Grandma on a hot summer afternoon, peeling peaches for her Peach Cake. It wasn't really a cake; more of a flatbread with peaches on top. But we called it cake and we only got this treat once in a great while, and definitely only in summer. Now that I'm a grownup with broader culinary experience, I know that what she made is probably more like a danish that can be obtained from a bakery, but I want to remember it fondly like it is in my memory - a sweet summer treat that we rarely got to enjoy. 

Millie's Peach Cake

Peel 4 lbs. of ripe peaches and dice into a bowl. Sprinkle 1/3 c. sugar on top and let sit for an hour. 

Meanwhile, prepare a sweet bread dough (I always use this recipe from my old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook) and let it rise through the first rising. After it rises for one hour, divide in half and press each half onto a large, greased jelly-roll pan or large cookie sheet. It should be quite thin. Poke with a fork all over. Drain peaches and reserve the juice. Spread peaches over dough. 

Make a syrup with the peach juice. Add 1 T cornstarch, 1 t. cinnamon and 1/2 c. sugar to 1 c. water and combine with peach juice in a sauce pan. Cook down on medium heat, whisking constantly to form a thickened syrup. Pour over peaches. Sprinkle edges of dough with cinnamon sugar. 

Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Serve warm. 

Here's a little commentary on delayed gratification, like waiting for those rare moments in summer when my grandmother made a Peach Cake. For those of you over about 35, remember waiting for those favorite Disney movies to come on TV only once per year? Remember when we waited for Christmas time to watch The Sound of Music? Or until Halloween when It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown came on? I can remember seeing the announcement for Swiss Family Robinson, marking it on the calendar and making it a family event to watch it when it came on TV. Such a treat. I feel nostalgic and sad when I think about that, because my grandchildren will never know what it is like to wait weeks or months in anticipation of a favorite movie. It seems everything is 'on-demand' and we don't usually have to wait for anything. Maybe part of being an excellent homemaker is to create such anticipation for special things. Save turkey for Thanksgiving and the gingerbread house for Christmas. Only serve a really good smoked ham with scalloped potatoes for Easter dinner (and for Pete's sake - have an Easter dinner!). Save cake for birthdays. Make pancakes only on Saturday mornings and pizza on Friday nights. 

We recently hosted an outdoor movie for our neighbors and we watched...yep, Swiss Family Robinson, one of my childhood favorites. Here are some pictures from that night! So much fun!

Summertime, and the Livin' is Easy

  

Well, maybe not easy. My husband and his team have been slaving it out in the hot, hot Carolina sun and humidity for the past couple of weeks, and he is bronzed like a grilled turkey leg. But for me, I’m sweat-averse, so I exercise early in the morning, or ride a bicycle so there is an inherent breeze. I’ve been spending most of my time indoors, trying to re-order my life.

Since January, there has been much up-ending of my routine (as I wrote about here), although they are all happy changes. I love having our baby granddaughter and her delightful parents nearby. It has been AMAZING to have my husband home again full time. Our youngest job-hunting daughter is always a source of great conversation and joy. My sons are thriving and I'm even expecting another grand-baby in the winter from one of them. But these changes have been a tidal shift in the life I had become accustomed to for 5 years or so, even though I didn't like it. I feel a little like a military wife who has to adjust to her husband's return from deployment...my schedule is not as loose as it once was. I feel compelled to be at my husband's beck and call during the day for business purposes. I can't just throw some peanut butter on an apple and call it 'dinner.' There are people around me all the time, and alone time is a luxury once again, rather than the norm. 

Kirk and I happily celebrated 30 years of marriage last month. We went to New York City for a few days and enjoyed some focused time together. We drove, so we had a lot of time to talk in the car undistracted for hours and hours. One of the things I have become quite mindful of is everything in the previous paragraphs…all the change. I brought this up, and we spend some time discussing a restructuring. He just jumped right back into the life of a general contractor, but I had to let go of all the control and involvement to make room for him to do his job. I had been the boots-on-the-ground for several years in our home construction business, and now, finally, he was back. But my role was a little ambiguous, and I frankly didn’t know what to do with myself. I was finding that I began to be cranky, sad, and aimless. Thankfully, I had baby Esther to distract me, but when they moved into their own home in June, all this intensified.

So, we made a plan. I would devote several days a week to our business, and reserve 2 days for family, friends, ministry, chores and personal stuff. I set up an office where I could shut the door as a signal to others that I was unavailable (amazing how even with young adults, Mama seems to be the hub of activity that they gravitate to with a bowl of cereal or a book…that room is just is so much more inviting with Mom in it!). I would focus on tasks that my ‘boss’ gave me on my work days, and only set up coffee dates and lunches with friends on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A regular babysitting date was established for my daughter – I wanted to do this for her, and for the others in time, because I did not have my mother close by when I was a young mom and would have given my right arm for it!

I’ve been at this for about three weeks and it seems to be working. I am way more disciplined about my daily devotions, exercise, to-do lists, work tasks. I’m even ahead on my book club reading!

It feels good and right to be doing this in the summer. I remember when I was teacher, summer was a time of rest but come late July, I was thinking, "reset, get ready, get prepped for the school year." Our book selection this month is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and it has been perfect timing for what I am going through right now. So many great suggestions about getting a grip on life in general. 

I feel in many ways that I am entering the autumn of my life. I am getting used to be a grandmother (I mean, having the baby around is the easy part...it's the idea of being old enough to actually be a grandmother that I struggle with!), to being available to my adult kids when asked, to having long uninterrupted hours to myself, to being more intentional about my free time, to being a business owner. How did I become 54 years old so fast? I'm sure there is more personal growth to come and more change is likely. I do love autumn; I sense this is going to be a good season. 

Charleston

Yesterday was my 54th birthday. My husband surprised me with a day trip to a beautiful biking trail in southern Virginia...it was a glorious day, full of fun and beauty. I received phone calls, texts and Facebook messages from many friends and family, and I felt loved and honored.

But over my heart there was a dark cloud looming all day, because just the night before, nine lovely Christians were murdered in their church while praying and studying the Bible. A hate-filled young white man, lured their trust and then killed them in cold blood because of their skin color. I was born in the midst of the civil rights movement, and it is devastating to think that for some people, we haven't moved forward at all.

I grieve with the Charleston community, the African-American community, my Christian brothers and sisters everywhere. Why does this have to continue?

Bigotry and racism are alive and well in this country and abroad. I've seen it in other places in the world that I have lived and though the groups of people that despise each other are different, it is the same root of evil that Jesus came to abolish.

And over the past 36 hours or so, I have been examining my own heart. Am I guilty of bigotry? Why do I always want to look at the driver who cut me off, what am I expecting to see? An elderly person? A teen? A person of another race? What purpose would it serve if I knew? Would it add another bit of anecdotal evidence that makes me think all __________ are terrible drivers? God forgive me.

I heard plenty of racist comments growing up from family members and friends. I am too ashamed to repeat any of it, to say who it was that said such things. I appreciate my parents who forbid me to tell jokes or use terms that were racist in nature, even though 'everyone' was doing it. They were raising kids in the middle of the 1960s and chose to make this a priority in their parenting, realizing that they had to be pro-active about it and stop the pattern set for them by their own parents.

But I still need to go deep and look down inside my soul...where can I improve? How can I change? How can I use my 'white privilege' or the little influence I have with my circle of friends to make a difference? Who can I invite into my home and get to know better? What can I say in a situation where someone drops the "N" word or makes a racist remark?

And I want to honor my friends who over the years have made courageous decisions to worship in churches where they were the minority. I have had the supreme privilege of witnessing a little bit of what heaven will be like each Sunday when we gather to worship with people of many skin tones, nationalities and religious traditions. I deeply admire Irene, Kevin, Pam, Olivia, Lisa, Simon, George, and Rich, among many others.

This crime in Charleston was a hate-crime, an act of terrorism, a violent, premeditated murder by a young, white man motivated by evil. Nothing less.

I need the daily purification of the Holy Spirit to constantly cleanse me of my human nature just as much as any other human being. I am thankful for Jesus' sacrifice and power in my life, and I am asking Him now to come and comfort and bring healing to our world.

A Spring Full of Change

Our entire family with both sets of grandparents

I just noticed that my last post was February 19th, and it seems like a year's worth of exciting changes have taken place in that 3 month period. I am so full of blessing right now,  I could burst. I know that these sweet seasons of life don't always last for long, so I am committed to savoring this one. I have a tendency to let myself feel guilty when I am experiencing good things, because I know so many people are struggling. But I have also been in those tough seasons, and when life is good, it can be a time of sharing and letting your overflow lift others up. So I hope that someone will be encouraged as they read about our spring.

We welcomed our first grandbaby, Esther into the family in December, born in Seattle. We were delighted to learn that her parents planned to move to North Carolina in April. I was able to take another trip to Washington to help them move (aka, hold Esther while they packed and loaded the truck). I. Can. Not. Imagine - being here while Esther grows up in another state. I know that this is a likelihood in my future (that at least some of my future grandkids will live far away) but from the time I first held her, I've known about them moving here so I've always felt pretty relaxed about not having to say goodbye. Esther is a sweet, sweet baby who smiles and laughs easily and is just incredibly cute all the time. I love having her in my home so much. And of course her mama and daddy.

Love having ALL my kids here!

About the same time we were welcoming our daughter's family, my husband had a huge breakthrough in his extended family relationships. I don't want to go into details on this public forum, but suffice it to say that 35 years of struggle has become a delightful and blessing-filled relationship. The joy and relief related to this reconciliation is beyond words. It has taught us both that nothing is ever impossible, it is never too late, and hope for any situation is always a possibility. It has given me hope for many other situations.

Motorcycle ride on the Blue Ridge Parkway

And after 7 years of travel and trying to hold our building business together, Kirk was able to leave his corporate engineering job and come back to our company full-time. We have had an unprecedented spring in terms of contacts and leads, so much so that leaving his j-o-b was a no-brainer. I have not seen my husband so happy getting dirty and sweaty all day for so, so long. He wakes up at 5:30 every morning excited to put his hands to the work he loves so much, and then sleeps deeply and peacefully every night. I love so much having him home, cooking for him, taking walks with him, watching him work. We are like newlyweds again and spend every minute together we can.

       

Another family dinner

Our sons have both moved on to new phases of their lives as well. Our older son and his freshly minted dentist of a wife have bought their first home in their new city. Our younger son and his wife are moving this week to a new town where he will return to school to pick up a second degree. Big decisions for both of them, but it is so rewarding to see them growing into such fine men.

ASU graduation

And our baby girl graduated from college Mother's Day weekend. She is temporarily living at home as she looks for a job, but we love having her delightful self around.

Good and deep lifetime friendships abound. We are in good health. Our vehicles are running well. We have more than enough in so many areas of our lives. Our home has been full of visitors this spring, and we have hosted so many interesting people. I was reading through our guest book the other day and reflecting on the privilege of hosting the world here for overnight stays and meals. Our guests have been from South Africa, Scotland, California, Poland, Nashville, Washington, New Hampshire, Italy, Swaziland, New York City, Korea, Uganda, Texas, Florida, and on and on. Students, professors, pastors, worship leaders, missionaries, orphans, families, friends old and new. This is certainly one area where it is possible to let this overflow spill out to bring refreshment to others. So many people need a restful, quiet place to recharge, and we can provide this.

I am grateful.

Esther and The Guv'nah