The Sisterhood of Motherhood

My lovely darling firstborn has been in labor all day to bring their first baby into the world. A girl, whose first name begins with an "E" and that's all I know. She will be our first grandbaby, and we couldn't be more thrilled.

Of course, I've been thinking about Abby all day, about my own labor bringing her into the world, and wishing I could be with her, help her through it, relieve her of the pain, and experience it up close and personal...not that she would want me that close! I just received a text from her husband that she was in transition and it's been about 15 hours since her water broke at bedtime last night. He said she had gotten sick, which is normal at this stage of labor, but I hate that she is having any discomfort...I feel like that 1960s expectant dad who paced the floor of the maternity wing waiting room!

As I took a walk this morning, I was pondering this life transition for Abby. She will soon join me in the Sisterhood of Motherhood. She will understand things about me that only a mother can understand. What it's like to brave the likes of labor and delivery to bring a precious little one into the world. What it's like to have such a strong love and sense of protection over the tiniest, most beautiful human being you've ever seen. To know that only you can give her what she needs. To feel the most intense sense of responsibility and a love that can actually hurt. And the huge boost in self-confidence she will experience knowing that she did this. She beasted the pain and pushing. That baby girl will need Abby like nobody ever needed her. We will share that same level of emotion, a hard won accomplishment of labor and delivery.

I know that shortly, there will be a call that it is all over, and Baby E is in Abby's arms. But gosh, the wait!

UPDATE: Esther Natalia was born at 9 pm last night, after a long, difficult labor. But she is perfect and nursing like a pro. Now is time for rest, rest, rest. I will leave tomorrow morning bright and early to spend 10 days with them...Can't wait to snuggle them and cook lots of amazing meals for them!

Updates on a Budget

I guess the blessing and curse of being an interior designer, is that you want to keep up with the trends, and you...WANT TO KEEP UP WITH THE TRENDS. This translates into a thorough 'out with the old, in with the new' compulsion about every 5 years or so. We are not fabulously wealthy, so I have to tame the beast when it comes to satisfying the urge to bring a fresh look into my home so frequently. But I do find that my interiors start to look dated, especially when it is my occupation to build homes that are stylish and appealing to a wide range of buyers. I am constantly perusing Pinterest and blogs for light fixtures, cabinets, flooring, paint colors, etc. and it just whets my appetite all the more about my own home. I sometimes hate that about myself, especially when I let my brain settle down and start thinking about a more global perspective on priorities...

But alas, we have been in our home for almost 7 years now, and it was time. I was up for the challenge of changing things up on a budget, so I rearranged some of my stuff and created a fresh look on the mantel and then tackled a few rooms and projects slowly, making use of thrift stores and large doses of elbow grease.

First up in 2014 was our master bedroom. I painted the walls a warm neutral called "Latte" (Sherwin Williams 6108) back when we built the house, because I knew it would provide flexibility with any future changes. In addition, I always keep white/off white bedding on hand, and just change up the rest. I wanted to bring a serene, neutral palette to the room that invites us in to relax. For about $250, I did the following:

• Stained two antique sewing tables from my favorite thrift store with a quick swipe of Rustoleum stain in "Driftwood." I just painted it on, and lightly wiped it off. I replaced the wooden knob with a cute $6 dangle pull from Anthropologie in aqua. These became my bedside tables. (I did something similar to a cherry chest of drawers.)
• I bought two lamps on sale for about $15 each from Lowe's that were the shape I wanted, but I didn't like the base. The glass had been painted from the inside so I swished a LOT of nail polish remover around and wiped it with a paper towel. This gave me clear glass bases, which I covered with cute fabric lampshades. 
• Two throw pillows from Home Goods, one in gray, and one in pale aqua (down filling only, please) and a cotton cable-knit throw from Ikea completed the bed. 
• Using a small swatch of leftover fabric from another project, I recovered a small bench, and a yard of a cotton velvet was enough to make two tiny pillows for my little white boudoir chairs. 
• My big splurge was to replace my ceiling fan/light. Although I hated to lose the fan capability, I figured if I was really dying at night, I could always add a small fan on the floor...but I really wanted a beautiful light hanging from the ceiling with a dimmer switch. It brought a touch of elegance to the room, and soft overhead lighting. 
• Lastly, I added a simple sheer scarf draped over the existing curtain rod to just soften the lines of the window, and let all that natural light in.

Several months later, the next project was an extra bedroom on the second floor. We had painted this room bright green when we moved in and filled it with black and white accents, and although we all loved it 7 years ago, it was time for a relaxing change. Looking for a gray/khaki/white/gold combo with very few subtle pops of color. For about $200 I:

• Painted the walls "Worldly Gray" (Sherwin Williams 7043). I have used this color in several of our new constructions, as it is a warm gray and works with just about everything. 
• Spray painted several accent pieces gold: candle holder, few picture frames, metal wall hanging, and some brushed nickel drawer knobs for the existing white dresser. 
• Bought a pillow with gold sequins at Home Goods for the bed; again covered in white/off white bedding. 
• Covered an old fabric headboard with a furry twin-sized blanket...this was enough to cover a queen sized headboard. Just wrapped it around the existing fabric, and stapled it on the back. 
• Made a pillow with some scrap fabric. 
• Scrounged around my 'stuff' and found some quiet prints framed in gold frames. As well, I found some black and white drawings and photography framed in black. 
• Brought a beautiful bassinet up from storage for my new little granddaughter coming any day now! 

BEFORE:

    

AFTER:

Lesson learned: Often you can update your rooms with a can of paint and a ruffle through your stash of family photos and pictures. I am not a pack rat, but I do understand that trends come and go, and if I just hang on to a few things, they will come back around someday. Who knew that gold/brass would come back to haunt us? I've even seen antique brass door knobs in stores recently! Noooo!!

Our home is designed after the beautiful villas we had seen while living in Italy, and part of our original plan was to install rough hewn beams in our kitchen ceiling. But we never got around to it, until my talented and industrious husband decided to go for it a few weeks ago. It was precarious at times, but we did it together and had lots of fun and near disasters! Materials cost a mere $150, wood and stain. 

As the baby's due date approached, I found I had this nesting instinct to get my lingering projects done and installed...even though I am the Nana, not the Mama! I had a really cute antique chair that I found at the thrift store for $5 that needed new padding and fabric (extra I had in my stash) and a quick coat of paint. 

    

And I really wanted to update my lighting without getting new fixtures. What to do? What to do?... I decided to try making a lampshade that would fit over the curvy lines of my very traditional breakfast table chandelier. For a first attempt, I am rather pleased with the way it looks. I will do a few things differently next time, but I learned a lot of lessons along the way. 

• I ordered an 80' piece of bamboo edging (1"x1/8") that came in a roll from a seller on Ebay for $20 (figure I can make some more lampshades!). Calculating the circumference I would need, I cut the bamboo on a chop saw and glued it into 2 equal circles and let it dry while clamped. 
• Using poster board, I cut pieces in the width of what I wanted the shade's height to be. For this 27" diameter fixture, I made the shade 14" tall, and 29" in diameter. I removed the top level of bulbs (the fixture originally had two levels of lites, 6 on the bottom and 3 on the top). The poster board was glued and clamped to the two hoops with clamps.
• Once dried, I hot-glued a length of fabric in the same manner and covered the rough edges on the interior of the shade with binding tape in a similar color. 
• Now the tricky part was to determine how to actually hang the shade on the fixture. I decided to create a triangle of bamboo edging glued together that could rest on the three candelabra bases where the bulbs had been removed on the top layer. The triangle then rested on the 1/8" thickness of the bamboo edging on the inside of the shade...not super secure but since (most likely) no one will be swinging from it, it works. 

  

Now, come on Baby Girl! We are ready for you to arrive! 

Knowledge of Good and Evil

My last post was a happy one about new life. Just 24 hours later, I'm feeling the weight of the world. I can't wait to hold that sweet little baby and the hope she embodies just by her existence. It's been a heavy day indeed...

The world is an absolute mess right now. In the last few months, it’s been Syria, Russia fighting with Ukraine, Malaysian Airlines’ missing plane, then Malaysian Airlines shot out of the sky over Ukraine, a horrible outbreak of Ebola in West Africa, continued suffering in South Sudan, the Rift Valley drought in Kenya, ISIS, North Korea, an new debilitating mosquito-borne illness called Chikungunya, an earthquake in China, and our own racial troubles at home in the US. And on and on and on…

I have felt utter despair today, and I’m not even directly affected by any of these things. In addition to the regular somewhat normal (though not painless) troubles and trials of everyday life with family, sickness, financial struggles, etc., things can feel downright hopeless. I am usually a very optimistic person, and generally I have no trouble at all putting my trust and hope in God for taking care of the world’s big problems. But today, I just feel overwhelmed by it all.

I read a book a long time ago called Margin. It was about leaving space in your life - like the margins on a piece of notebook paper when you are taking notes in class, we must leave empty space around the edges of our daily lives for when we must inject something, or do something God calls us to spontaneously. I learned this lesson many years ago, and have tried to live by this in terms of my activity level and what I say yes and no to.

But I’m finding that the same principle is perhaps true emotionally as well. I feel like my emotional page is full to the very edges of the paper, with no room left to insert anything. Heaven forbid my dog die or something, because I just ain’t got no room to spare.

I was thinking about Genesis 2 the other day, and then the subsequent chapter about original sin. God created this beautiful garden for Adam. He gave Adam free reign over everything, and gave him just one limitation: don’t indulge in this tree called “The Knowledge of Good and Evil.” Weird name for a tree, but I wonder if it was more symbolic, like a warning for all of mankind. Perhaps God saw forward to our time in history, when information zipped around the globe at the speed of light, so that when a journalist in Iraq is beheaded we not only hear about it within minutes, we could even watch it if we wanted to. That is just TMI. Indeed.

I am wondering if the very thing that has allowed us to be more aware and therefore compassionate and active in our world, has crippled us because we now have all the knowledge of good and of evil that we could ever want, and we feel overwhelmed and helpless. News can be addicting, and certainly social media is.

I’m not making any declarations here, but it is something to think about. 

Bart

We knew it was coming. Three of our kids have gotten married since December 2011, so it was just a matter of time, and apparently now is the time...the next generation is on its way! We are going to be grandparents!

Our daughter, Abby and her husband Dave are expecting a girl in early December and we are so excited. She suffered a miscarriage back in the fall of last year, and she wrote about her experience here. So with each month that passed, we were hopeful with her and Dave that there would be new life. She happened to be visiting us here when she took the pregnancy test in late March that revealed a little magic + sign, and we were cautiously optimistic. That was a really special moment for Abby and me, and then because her sister and dad were home then, too, she shared it with them. They kept it under wraps from most until she made it through the first 12 weeks. She's had a pretty easy time of it so far, so there wasn't any morning sickness to have to explain away to her friends.

My husband immediately started referring to the baby as "Bart" for no apparent reason, and continued for months to insist it was a boy (boy, was he ever wrong). And we've had lots of fun with the name game, since it won't be us naming the baby. Back when Bart was in fashion, we thought they could name him Bart Orca Samson Stalsbroten and then his initials would be BOSS. Abby has a fascination with orcas, so we thought that might work. Maybe Baby #2.

"Woman with a baby"

Our family went to the beach together for a few days at the end of May, and Abby decided to share the news with her brothers and their wives then. We took clandestine photos of the belly. And Abby's, too. Somehow Dave can poke his belly out so far, even though he sports a healthy six-pack most of the time!

I'll be Nana, I think, but Kirk is still pondering what he wants to be called. For years, he thought it would be cool to be called The Gov'nah. I keep thinking he should be Pops. Or Poppy. Now he's got it in his head to be The Boss. We'll see.

I know people have babies all the time, but I am just so amazed at the prospect of another generation. Of our people. Adding more people to the family. Multiplying the love. To think that your baby is having a baby...it's a wonder. I've prayed for this little girl as she is growing and changing everyday, and it's so fun to hear about all of Abby's experiences. She and I are sharing a unique experience. Jessie will come in time, surely. But for now, Abby is feeling all that stuff I felt 28+ years ago with her. She's been great about sending photos and telling me about feeling Baby Girl move and kick.

Can't wait to dress that little darlin' up!

We've been feeling for a while that we were "ready" for grandkids. These are the hopes we've shared as we look forward to this phase of life:

• Little ones running around our house, getting into our pantry and making messes
• Making bread and pasta and cookies together
• Carting the kids around in our yard trailer on the back of our mower
• Babies, toddlers, preschoolers and children curled up on our laps, reading all our incredible children's books again and again
• Early morning snuggles and bedtime prayers
• Camping in the backyard
• Nana Camp, and giving Mom and Dad a break for a week or so each summer
• Hearing the kids ask "tell me the story of when..." and then watching my husband spin some exaggerated version of the truth
• Building a tree house
• Introducing them to all the things we love... the beach, sewing, nature hikes, thunderstorms, the workshop, riding bikes, and fall in the mountains
• And, sharing faith with another generation!

Anchored

Hope...

There are several situations around me right now that keep hammering home this idea of hope, of the need of an anchor mooring us to truths about God that are sometimes hard to believe in.

My daughter just suffered the miscarriage of their first child. So very early on in the pregnancy, but a great loss and disappointment nonetheless. The sadness and sense of loss is still very great.

A dear friend is suffering an aggressive form of cancer. Although everyone is still believing for a miracle (and truly the fact that he is still alive is a miracle itself), he is only 24 years old and newly married. A beautiful life ahead. Dashed hopes. Grieving over lost years.

And just yesterday, I heard about another sad, sad story of loss. Some young friends suffered the 20-week stillbirth of a longed-for child, after four 1^st trimester miscarriages.

Not fair. It’s just not fair. Life is so damned hard.

The pain of this life on earth and our sheer dissatisfaction with it points us to eternity. This truth alone is reason enough to believe that there has got to be more. That there is a God. That there is a higher power that will set everything right one day.

Our God-given aversion to hopelessness is proof that He exists and has set eternity in our hearts.

I have also seen longings fulfilled lately that remind me that although life is incredibly painful sometimes, God gives us glimpses into Heaven. Tokens of His beauty and grandeur that comfort us when things are really tough. Miracles great and small. God is in each one. The fact that the sun came up today and there is air to breath and food to eat…these are the everyday gifts of God that if we see them that way, are reminders of His great care for us.

God is good. This is my hope, my anchor. Like the function of a real boat’s anchor, it is under water, where no one can see, parked firmly on solid ground deep beneath the waves and wind. It holds the vessel in place while the wind buffets it about, beats it up, tosses it around. Yet, the boat holds steady. I am that boat. My anchor is my hope in a God that is supremely good and loving. When life tosses me about and beats me up, I go back to that buried truth and hold on for dear life.

Consider these words from Romans 8:18-25 (The Message): “That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.”

We are enlarged in the waiting.