Preparing your Kids for Adulthood

I just finished reading another blog written by a stay-at-home-mom about the challenges of living on one income. I wrote about this in our lives, too. I am thankful that my husband worked hard and studied engineering, for it has made him a marketable employee, and afforded us the opportunity to live comfortably on just his paycheck. I also prepared for a professional career and it was sufficient to support me as a single woman during that phase of my life. I appreciate our parents edging us along in these directions. In generations past, this was common. Parents didn't feel their job was to help their kids discover themselves; it was a more pragmatic task of getting them out the door and employable!

I would like to talk to Moms and Dads about helping your children prepare for their adult life in this very practical way. I hear very little about this job that parents have, instead hearing about the day to day struggles that we all seemed to drown in, and thus losing focus on the big picture. The big picture is this: your children are born into your family and stay with you for about 18-20 years, and then leave you to lead their own homes. Their time in your home is all too brief (as I have written about here) but it is easy for young parents to feel like it might last forever due to sheer exhaustion. If you don't keep the big picture in mind, you will miss opportunities to help shape your children's career choices and thus their ability to support themselves financially.

Most Christian parents are well aware of their duty to help shape their kids' spiritual lives, and we are quite intentional about that. That is good. But there is another job we have that is quite important, too.

One of our main jobs as parents is to help our kids know what they want to do with their lives, how they can earn a living and be responsible, capable, independent adults. I know I am going to step on some toes here, but encouraging (and then paying for) your children to go to college and major in something that has absolutely no direct correlation to preparing them for a career is irresponsible parenting. By the time your sons and daughters leave home, for work or college, they should know a few things about themselves and about the world:

• What are my gifts and talents? What am I really good at?
• What do I love doing? What energizes me?
• Am I introverted or extroverted (or a little of both) and what bearing does that have on my career options/choices?
• Do I know what hard work really is?
• What careers are available to me with my interests?
• Is there a way for me to mesh the things I enjoy doing with a way to earn money?
• What do I need to do to prepare myself for the marketplace?
• What experiences can I gain to make me more marketable?
• Is this career I'm considering a solid one with a good future, and adequate pay? 

Jessie at one of her retail jobs

     

Abby is a journalist

Our sons 'working' for us

The sad tale of scores of unemployed (and maybe unemployable) university graduates is a serious one. So many of our kids' friends have never had a job of any kind, and yet have traveled the world and hold a bachelor's degree in...something...maybe grad school would help? So more debt is incurred, still with the student wondering what they will do with their lives. They continue to live on the generosity of their parents, and postpone serious relationships and marriage, because they haven't really grown up. 

It's a real dog-eat-dog world out there; the world is not impressed with your young adult's amazing summer in China if it does not make the potential employer's company more profitable. 

Parents must not coddle their teens in this area. Let them enjoy being a teen, but help them transition to the work world by requiring them to get a part-time job. Help them understand what it takes to be independent by asking them to pay for their own car insurance and gas. Encourage them to make good financial decisions by helping them budget their money. By the time they graduate from high school, they should have some years of work experience, lots of confidence and some savings. This will put them miles ahead of many of their peers. 

It's difficult to lead your family this way, especially if their friends at school and church aren't raised this way. I can remember many a tough conversation with our kids about why we wouldn't pay for their insurance or their phones, and those conversations always ended with, "I am responsible to stand before God for how I raised you, not so-and-so's parents."

Bankruptcy is not an option!

So parents, embrace this God-given role and help your kids find what they are good at, passionate about and interested in. Lead them in making a good career choice and a plan to prepare for it. It is possible to live on just one income, but it needs to be sufficient income to support a new household. 

And if you are one of those students whose parents didn't help you in this way, find someone who will mentor you. This list for 20-somethings was great, and includes a lot of the things mentioned in this post. If you didn't take these life lessons away from your parents, then now is the time to make them yours. 

Breakfast in Bed

I love making breakfast for my loved ones. Whenever my kids had a birthday, I always let them choose their favorites for breakfast and dinner. And sometimes, they got it served on a tray! My college girl loves to be babied. Since she is the youngest, she flows in this role well; it comes naturally to her, and since I'm such a mother hen, I love doing it for her. So, when she is home, even if it's not her birthday, I sometimes make her breakfast in bed. This morning is her last morning home before she heads back to school, so I thought it was an appropriate morning for some princess treatment. 

I had this idea in my head to make french toast, but I had some perfectly ripe peaches and was trying to think how I could make a protein rich peach french toast combo...and I came up with a baked french toast casserole with peaches and blueberries. Add some OJ, fresh fruit and a little daisy on a silver tray, and even Snow White would be impressed. 

Peach and Blueberry French Toast Casserole

5 eggs

2 cups milk

1 t. vanilla (although I use 1/4 t. of my favorite super-concentrated Haitian vanilla)

1 t. cinnamon

1/4 t. salt

12 slices high protein bread (I used Sprouted Wheat Whole Grain), crusts removed

2 ripe peaches

1 c fresh blueberries

4 T butter

sprinkling of cinnamon sugar

Dice the bread and place in a buttered casserole dish with peeled/diced peaches and blueberries. Mix eggs, milk, vanilla, cinnamon and salt together. Pour over bread/fruit mixture. Mix well to be sure bread has absorbed liquid. Melt butter; drizzle over all and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes. 

                   

I'm glad Jessie appreciates things like this. I'm up way to early for anyone to be able to do this for me, but I love doing it for others. Though I will say, I do love me some cappuccino in bed...hint, hint to any family members out there reading. :)

The Case for Staying Home

So much has been expressed in my adult life about gender equality and role assignments, but not all views are given equal voice. Since I grew up in the 1960's, my understanding and opinions were shaped by a lot of stereotypes about this. And the choices I made as an adult woman and their consequences have obviously shaped my opinions. I want to state here at the outset that I realize I am only one of many voices about male and female roles and how households can/should/will work, and that I am not necessarily "right." But I feel like outside of the Christian community, my kind of voice is not even welcome at the discussion table.

I am the voice of the housewife, euphemistically changed to "stay-at-home-mom" in the 1980s. I lived a version of that stereotype and it worked for our family. I read an article today that repeatedly stated or assumed several things I really take issue with:

• that women want it all (what is "all" anyway?)
• if there is a stay-at-home mom, then "the father is the head of the household because he is the provider" 
• the solution to balancing work and family is not about who does what, but about the availability of affordable, quality child care
• and most disturbing: the underlying foundational belief by this writer and many others, that all women want or need a career other than homemaking. 

I want to address all of these things from my perspective. I hold a BS Ed., and worked as a teacher for two years before choosing to stay home full-time to raise my children and serve my family. My husband and I made the choice to live on one income while our children were young, supplementing it with small business ventures that I could participate in. As our kids moved into their teen years, we started a business, and I now work with my husband from our home office. 

I am thankful that we live in a society where women have choices about what they do with their lives. I know that many women work outside the home for a variety of reasons. I would like to speak to the audience of women who are wrestling with the decision to go back to work because they feel compelled to by society, even though they feel the tug to stay home with their babies. There has been an overemphasis on women and career, leaving those of us gals who want to be full-time homemakers in the dust. Inadvertently we feel marginalized, mocked and maybe even a little vilified, like we are contributing to 'the problem.'

Firstly, do all women ascribe to the notion that they can have it all? Do they want it all? What is "it all" anyway? I think the idea of of having it all must mean having a successful career, a happy husband and children. It also includes, among many other things, having enough money to:

• live in a beautiful, well decorated home
• wear a dry-cleaned, stylish wardrobe
• serve our family home-cooked, healthful, organic meals, and eat out a few times per week 
• work out at a gym enough to look fab
• throw our kids carnival-like birthday parties
• drive a new-ish car and get it washed weekly
• take an annual family vacation that includes hotels, restaurants, and plane tickets
• romantic dates and weekends away with our husbands
• serve cheerfully and faithfully at your child's school, your church or favorite charity

Is this really possible? Which of those things could you give up? How much is all that worth to you? And even if it was possible, could a woman really squeeze a successful career into all that anyway? 

What happens, inevitably, is something(s) gives. Either the career suffers, or the meals are made by someone else, or you get out of shape, or you and your husband start fighting, or the child rearing is out-sourced. You can NOT have it all. So ask yourself, what are the things that are most important? What should I give my best to? What are the things that are time-sensitive (like hearing your child's first words, or being there for them when they sick)?

Secondly, I don't embrace the notion that just because the husband brings home the paycheck, he is the head of the household. It actually insults me deeply that someone would write this about my style of family. My husband and I are true partners in every respect. He doesn't look down on my role as a stay-at-home-mom any more than I look down on him because he is an engineer. I don't look down on him because he takes the trash to the dump any more than he looks down on me for cooking. The idea of roles and responsibilities is one that should be discussed when a couple is engaged, and then frequently throughout their marriage. I remember reading a book as a young mom about what it takes to run a family. The authors listed out every single task that had to happen to keep their household functioning like a well-oiled machine. Some of those tasks included feeding the dog, taking out the trash, meal planning, grocery shopping, food preparation, cleaning, changing diapers, etc. It also included, as one of the tasks, earning money. Once they had all the tasks listed out, they were divided among the family members. Although this family had nine children of varying ages, this method would work for any family, and is really important in helping children feel like a necessary part. And I always loved the way the authors just chose to include "earning money" as one of many tasks. Not the most important task, just one of them. Imagine if any of those above tasks were to be excluded. Imagine the chaos and disorder that would ensue if no one took out the trash or changed diapers. ALL of the tasks required to run a family are important. If it makes the most sense for the husband to earn the paycheck, then he should. If it makes more sense for the parents to run a business together, then that's what they should do. But that doesn't make anyone more important than the others. 

Thirdly, it absolutely baffles me that we so readily out-source our childcare. Again, I know there are situations where mothers must leave their children in the care of others in order to work and provide for their families. I'm not talking about them; and most of them would probably say they wished they could stay home with their kids anyway. The writer of the article I mentioned points out the cost of child care for two children exceeds the cost of rent. And the same article states that only 10% of child care is considered high quality. Who could provide a higher quality of childcare than the parents themselves? Why is it an acceptable practice to place your children in the mediocre care of a stranger and then pay exorbitant amounts for it? What are we trading for this? Perhaps the cost of working outside the home should be recalculated: childcare + wardrobe + transportation + meals out + exhaustion + whose values are being communicated to our children = ? Maybe the solution to balancing work and family is about Mom taking some years to devote to family alone. Dads must get in on the game, too and support this decision 100%. So many benefits await the family who can make this happen. 

I knew that the twenty or so years of child-rearing would pass all too quickly. I recognized that no one would love my kids and lay down their life for them like I would. I have loved working at home, don't regret for a minute giving up my teaching career to be a stay-at-home mom, and love the flexibility it has offered our family. I want to list some of the advantages to this life path that I have experienced:

• Financial freedom from spending on work related expenses (wardrobe, dry-cleaning, meals out, child-care, transportation costs, summer camps for kids, housecleaning services)
• Flexibility for the family to only work around one work schedule
• Freedom from work-related stress for at least one of the marriage partners
• Ample opportunity to be involved in child's education and extracurricular activities
• Time to devote to creating a positive atmosphere within one's home
• Opportunity to be home and involved in monitoring children's relationships and activities
• The ability to shape attitudes and belief systems in our children because of the sheer volume of time spent with them
• The ability to work a cottage industry if I so chose, which I did and eventually developed a family business with my husband

The last point I wanted to address is the question of whether or not all women want to work beyond the home. I have two daughters. I wanted them both to have options in life. I wanted them to prepare for a career, while at the same time valuing and honoring the role of a wife and mother. Being a full time homemaker IS a profession. One can become excellent at this job. Our culture is sorely lacking in excellent housewives and mothers, and I believe our "worship" of success is partly to blame. 

Many of my friends, obviously, have chosen the same profession. They are all happy, well-adjusted women who understand the importance of investing in the life of their home. Few of them complain about their jobs. They/we all love our jobs. Our children, many of whom are grown now, are not perfect, but they are secure and confident and well-rounded, having spent their formative years mainly with the people who birthed them and have more of a vested interest in their well-being than anyone else on the planet. 

In addition, our culture is plagued with narcissism. We think our happiness is the ultimate goal. We want the best of everything, and are unsatisfied until we achieve it. There is a decidedly self-centered approach to life. "What is best for me?" rather than "what is best for the children?" seems to be the question that is asked.

So in closing, I would like to say to the moms that are wrestling with their decision to work a job outside their home: ask yourself why you are doing it, and if it's because you feel like your family income needs it, then re-evaluate your spending. If it's about feeling valued or important, ask yourself if giving up the few years your children are young to other people's care is worth it. If it's because you spent a lot of money on your bachelor's degree and feel obligated to use it, just wait. You will have opportunity to use it again, and gain a lot of valuable experience along the way, and an amazing family that will be your biggest cheerleaders!

Separation Anxiety

Son, Nathan and Mary's wedding in May

Separation anxiety is a term we hear often when we are talking about babies and toddlers. Or maybe even our dogs. But have you ever heard a mature fifty-something mom say that SHE suffers from it?

Well, that would be me. I am admitting it. I struggle with being separated from my kids. I have been trying to cope with these feelings for years. Gosh, I even cried when we dropped our first-born off at her dorm in 2005, which was only 15 miles away. There have been numerous times since then that I've hugged them goodbye and wished them well. And then gotten in the car and sobbed. 

I loved being a mom. Still do, but I loved raising kids. Having babies, then toddlers, then children, then teens. Introducing them to the world bit by bit - roses, hummingbirds, sandcastles, the solar system. Teaching them to read and ride a bicycle and cook. Taking them camping and introducing them to new cultures.  I loved making pancakes and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and mac and cheese. I loved snuggling with them, and being adored by them. I remember telling my little boys after smothering them with kisses, that one day their faces would be covered with prickly whiskers and they wouldn't want to kiss me anymore. They couldn't imagine that. 

 

Easter 1993

But little by little they gain distance from their mama. First they crawl into another room, then play at the neighbor's. Before you know it, they are staying overnight at a friend's house, going away to camp for a week, and working their first job. Then dorm life and their first apartment. Thankfully, it happens gradually! And although growth is natural and healthy, and you know in the back of your mind that their separation from you is coming, it is not easy. I always cringe a little when I hear moms wishing for the day when their kids are gone and they can get "their life" back. Or wishing for some new stage of development, ostensibly saying they don't like the one they're in. But that stage is fleeting and they will never be a newborn, 4 or 16 years old again. My encouragement is always to remind them how quickly it passes, and like some old sage tell them to relish the moments.

                 

Home school, need I say more?

Living abroad in Italy

Spring 2007

Ebey's Landing, WA

With Abby in Seattle, 2010

I will talk about my eldest, Abby, because this one has been the most challenging in terms of my separation anxiety. Like many oldest girls, she was a compliant and easy child, eager to please and easy to get along with. She was like another mom to the other kids at times, and incredibly responsible. As she grew into young adulthood we became friends. We wanted her to express her desire to travel and use the gifts she had to affect the world, and I knew in the back of my mind she would live far away from me one day. She spent a semester in New York City after high school, and that was a tough moment of separation for both of us. And then she moved into a dorm in the college town nearby. Although I knew I could see her often if I wanted to, I thought it was the healthy thing to give her lots of space, and come to me when she wanted to. She became a beautiful and confident young woman, and developed skill in her chosen profession, photography. Upon graduation she ventured out to the west coast to accept a newspaper internship with The Oregonian.  Little did I know that day she drove away in her Honda, that she was vanishing from my everyday (or at least every-week) life. No longer was she nearby and available for an impromptu dinner invite or a coffee date. She wasn't even in a similar time zone, so that even phone dates were difficult to schedule. But I "endured" (I'm really sounding melodramatic now) those three months, secretly hoping she would make her way back to the east coast.

But it wasn't to be. She took a job with a non-profit in Seattle. And she fell in love with Seattle. And then she fell in love IN Seattle. At times, I almost couldn't believe she was falling in love and I couldn't be witness to their budding romance. She was so great about sharing much of it over the phone, but it still wasn't the same as being there. Here she was, one of my closest friends, and I  had only met her boy once! They married and settled into a new apartment with all their wedding gifts. And it was dawning on me that she wasn't coming back. 

There were many tearful conversations about this. Sometimes she hadn't felt included about some family information. More often, I was the one feeling badly that she was far away from me. We had many heart-to-hearts, and shared a lot of emotion over it. I still tear up sometimes when I think about this life change. When we are visiting each other, I feel pressure to make every minute count, and I'm sure I am passing that stress on to her. 

Abby and Dave

But I've recently had an epiphany (or two). I took a step back and saw that Abby's first 18 years were only preparation for her life to come. As her mom, I had the privilege of being the one to shape her and contribute a huge amount of influence. But that was not her life. Her mature life was to come after, what it was all building up to. I had sunk so much emotion into those formative years, that I lost sight of the goal. And instead of rejoicing in a great outcome to all those years of preparation and prayer, I was loathing the very thing I had hoped for her. 

The other thing I realized was that she has been called to Seattle. She loves everything about that city and the Pacific Northwest. Not everyone does. I love living here in North Carolina. Not everyone does. So she has planted there, and is flourishing. Not to say that God may move them elsewhere in the future, but for now, this is where she is best fulfilling the call of God on her life. What more could a parent want? 

And so, I feel like I am beginning to heal from my separation anxiety, and release her into her destiny. She may never have felt fully released, and then never have been able to realize her full potential in that place, if I don't actually let her go.

I do have three other kids, also young adults in different phases of life and distances from home. Both my sons are now married, and my youngest daughter is still in college. This has helped make this little season of change easier, but there have been many tears associated with the cutting of those apron strings, too. 

I am so thankful that while my kids were growing up I cultivated a life independent from them. I have so many other relationships, interests and pursuits that keep me occupied. I would exhort all young moms out there to be careful not to make your children your only pursuit. It should be a priority, but not the only thing you do. You will be a virtual basket case when they leave home! Invest in your marriage, a career, hobbies, friendships, philanthropy, and/or your education. 

And my husband has played a huge role in my 'healing.' If we didn't have such a fun, vibrant relationship, I'm sure this would all be a million times more difficult. I'm so glad we took the time to invest in our marriage, because that's how all this child-rearing came to be in the first place! We knew someday it would be back to just the two of us, and that time is upon us. I remember listening to this song as a young mom, and thinking it was so far off: "...but Baby, what will we do, when it comes back to me and you? They look a little less like little boys everyday. And the pleasure of watching the children growing, is mixed with a bitter cup, of knowing the water-colored ponies will one day ride away." - Wayne Watson, Water-Colored Ponies  

I'm glad we know what to do - we're riding motorcycles, taking long walks, dancing in the kitchen, sharing a glass of wine and cooking to French Cafe Radio on Pandora. 

A Real Love Story

(photo credit Roxanne Turpen)

Next Tuesday, April 30 my younger sister and her husband will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. In this brave new world we occupy, twenty-five years together is pretty impressive for any couple. But like Piscine Patel says in The Life of Pi, "I have a story that will make you believe in God."

7 months before the accident

Sharon was 15 when our lives changed forever. She was walking home from school, I suppose somewhat mindlessly, as teen girls will do, and crossed a busy four-lane highway. She was struck by a vehicle going about 35 mph, which lifted her out of her shoes and onto the windshield. She was without oxygen for some time due to something she was eating getting lodged in her throat. Other than the severe closed head injury and brain trauma, there were no broken bones. She was life-flighted to the hospital where she lay in a deep coma for over 6 weeks. I saw her the first time two weeks after it happened when I managed to get a ride home from college, which was 300 miles away. My family was still reeling from the trauma, and wondering if she would live or die. And if she lived, what would the future be like?

After some weeks, she reached for a piece of cake. This was the first indication that she was emerging from the coma. Over the course of the next two years she slowly came out of the fog, re-learning everything from feeding herself, to sitting up, walking, speaking, reading and writing. Her personality remained intact - social, lively, engaged. But just about everything else changed. She returned to high school at 17 and completed her years there in the special education department at age 19, earning her diploma. But she could not drive. She could not cook.  Couldn't hold a job. Couldn't ride a bike. She could walk, but her gait was not right and she stopped frequently to adjust the position of her right foot. Her common sense and relationship discernment were compromised and she lacked many basic skills for independent living. In addition, she suffered terrible brain seizures which left her babbling streams of words that had nothing to do with each other. My parents began to plan for a lifetime of care.

My family attended a local church where they received a tremendous amount of support. There were so many kind people that walked with my parents through those rough years. In the 1980s, computer technology was gaining ground and John was someone my Dad was able to chat with about this mutually interesting topic. John was an electrical engineer and so intelligent, that most average folks had a hard time conversing with him. He would just talk over their heads. But my father found a pal in John and their friendship developed over time.

One day John asked my dad if he could take my sister Sharon to a lecture at a local university. Dad assured him that he was welcome to ask her, but he didn't know if she would be interested in something like that. However, she wanted to go and was thrilled that someone was asking her on an outing. A week later, John asked my dad again if he could ask Sharon to dinner. My dad, genius that he is, realized that John wanted to date Sharon, and he quickly briefed John about Sharon's tendency to latch on to anyone that would give her attention.

John's reply was, "That's okay, I want to spend time with her. I believe God has told me to marry Sharon."

Wow. It was an amazing thing to behold that courtship and engagement, then with tear-filled eyes, watch as my sister walked down the aisle, a beautiful radiant bride. Of course, we all wondered how it would really go. Would they make it? Would John be able to love her in spite of the difficulties and vast differences between them? Could they have children? Would Sharon be able to care for a household?

But as they moved into their first home together, it was evident that John loved Sharon. Loved, as in an action verb. They set up housekeeping and arranged their furniture and put their wedding gifts away. He bought a tandem bike so they could ride together. They shopped for groceries together and went camping. He patiently and lovingly taught her so many things.

One fond memory I have, that will forever endear me to my brother-in-law was when they invited us for dinner one night. John had been at work all day, so I was unsure of what we were having, or who would prepare it. When we arrived, the table was set with their finest and we were invited to sit down. Sharon had been working all day to prepare a meal of omelets and some other things I don't remember. The food was incredible. I was truly in shock. It had far exceeded all of my expectations. I wanted to know how Sharon had come so far in her skills.

She showed me the five pages of typed instructions that John had written out for her, just for the omelet preparation. What normally would have filled the front of an index card had been dissected into every possible decision and step so that Sharon would not be wondering about anything. Where to find the potato peeler. Where to put the peelings. Which knife to use and where to find it. How large the pieces of potato should be. Which pot should be used to boil the potatoes. Where to find it. How much water to put in the pot. What setting on the stove the burner should be at. How long to expect the potatoes to boil before soft. Etc. Etc. Etc. No detail was left out, and as a result we all enjoyed a delicious meal, proudly prepared and served by this loving wife, and lovingly taught by her amazing husband.

They have not been without difficulty. They have overcome obstacles that every couple faces, and some that not many couples face at all. They have never had children. There have been some physical ailments and illness. Sharon endured two failed and one successful attempt to have her ankle bones fused together (along with the successive months-long recoveries each time). She has two new knees. John has health problems, too. They have suffered some accusation and a generous amount of misunderstanding. But they indeed do love each other. Really love.

And their silver anniversary is a testament to the God that called them together and has held them together. Their faith is the glue of their lives as they daily call out to God for help and guidance.

So, CONGRATULATIONS to one of the most overcoming couples I know! May you enjoy many, many more years of joy together!

Flour + Eggs = Pasta!

(This post is the second on pasta...find the first here.)

Simple food. Preparation easy enough to afford the cook some much needed quality time with the people she (or he) is feeding. If you are too exhausted from cooking to enjoy the people you are serving, then it's too complicated. Do the French spend ANY time with their families after their Oscar worthy culinary performances?

Ah, but the Italians. Now they have absolutely mastered the marriage of simple ingredients, amazing food and wine, great conversation, and the ability to include everyone within smelling distance in the warmth of their homes and love. When I lived in Italy, if there was one thing I wanted to soak up like a thirsty sponge, it was this lovely symphony of kitchen skills.

La mama is truly the heart of the home. I know, I know...women aren't the only great cooks. And I know, not all, not even many, women want to be relegated to this familial duty, but I relish it, and hope to share this passion with others. 

      

So, pasta. Yep, all there is to it is flour and eggs. And la macchina. Must have one of these:

<--------------------------

There are many brands now in the US, and they are not too hard to find. We devoted a cooking lesson to this skill and the next day, my girls swooped in and gobbled up every pasta machine in town! 

I'll try and explain the process here, but like with a lot of things, you've just got to get your hands dirty and try it. 

Step 1: For two people, use one egg and approximately 1 heaping cup of flour. Start by whisking the egg with a fork in a small bowl. While continuing to whisk the egg, sprinkle flour slowly into the bowl. Soon the mixture will become too stiff to continue with the fork, so just start using your hands. When it is right, it will form a very stiff dough, not unlike sugar cookie dough. Cover with a damp cloth on a floured countertop or towel until you are ready to use it. 

Step 2: Using a pastry scraper or large knife, cut off a piece of dough about the size of a golf ball. Cover the unused dough with the damp cloth. Set the pasta machine at the lowest setting; on mine, it's #1. Place the dough in the top of the machine, between the rollers and crank the handle clockwise to squeeze the dough through. This two-handed technique takes a little practice. Fold it over and do it again. Do this 7 or 8 times, till the dough is very smooth. Then continue to do this, changing the setting to higher and higher numbers (without folding) until you are ready to use it. You will have a long narrow (perhaps 3"-4" wide) sheet.

Step 3: Once you have rolled it, lay it out on a floured towel or cotton tablecloth. You then have a couple of options. You can cut it into fettuccine or spaghetti with the attachment on your pasta machine (this requires only one trip through the machine). OR you can form the sheets into stuffed delicacies (which sadly, make this simple process a whole lot more complicated, but fun, and you can rally the troops to help!). For fettuccine, arrange the ribbons into little 'nests' and sprinkle them with a tiny bit of flour. Give them a little shuffle every few minutes while you work the rest of your dough. This will keep it from sticking together.

Step 4: (Simple, fettuccine) If you are not making ravioli, tortellini, agnolotti, or any number of other exotic sounding stuffed pastas, then it's time to cook. Bring a large pot of salted water to a slow boil, and drop the nests into the water for just a few minutes, no more than 3 or 4. Drain and serve on heated plates or pasta bowls. 

Add a bit of your favorite sauce (another lesson) and enjoy. Anything is good...marinara, pesto, bolognese, puttanesca, vodka...whatever. The sauce is not the main attraction anyway, right?

My husband and I make an event out of this on Saturday nights. We turn on our favorite Andrea Bocelli tunes (which has to include "Mille Lune, Mille Onde" one of the most romantic songs EVER), open a bottle of wine, light a few candles, shave the parmigiano reggiano, slice up some really good dried sausage, get out the olives and grapes, and set the table. He sings. We drink and snack on the antipasti. Sometimes we dance and kiss. I make the pasta. He rubs my shoulders. If it's warm, all the better so we can spend the evening outside. 

And on a wintry night in January, a few young ladies came over and we had a lesson. We actually did make ravioli with a chicken, sausage and goat cheese filling. Here are some photos from that really fun night!

          

                           

And my really clean kitchen...which didn't happen til the next morning!

PLUMBING ALERT: Dutch Oven Bread

My husband is a champ. I mean, men end up having a lot of the nasty jobs at home, but this one took the cake. My kitchen sink has been clogging lately, and like the wonderful handy guy that he is, he set about finding the problem and working a solution. Fortunately, all the guts of my kitchen plumbing are accessible from my basement ceiling, and it was easy to get to. Otherwise, this would have been a nearly impossible fix.

(Warning: the next paragraph could turn your stomach...not meant to be read around meal times.) I was upstairs putzing around while Kirk commenced the sleuthing. I heard some banging, and sawing, and then a loud, groaning, gutteral sort of..."UGGHHHH!!!" I raced downstairs, to find him doubled over, gagging and groaning in disgust. I saw the nasty in a pan, but he said, "I know you've had babies and all, but don't look up." Of course, I looked and it was absolutely the most disgusting sight I've seen in the United States. I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that it was not what you would have expected to see in the drain line from a kitchen sink. He had cut the 3" PVC pipe a few feet from the bottom of the sink, and found it solid with a thick white-ish substance, with a few beans, pieces of corn and other various pieces of food thrown in. It was filled like this for about 10 feet. And the smell, well, I don't even want to begin to describe it, but we both covered our noses while we worked to remove the offending mess.

We were baffled.

What could it possibly have been? We got it cleaned up and the pipe changed out after a good 2 hours of hard and foul labor. He took a long hot shower and we literally threw away his clothes.

 

The next morning, I was working at my newly well-drained kitchen sink when it dawned on me: the dutch oven bread. I have just started making this bread in recent months, probably ten times, and each time I make it (as those of you who have tried it know) there is a fair amount of residual dough left in the bowl when it is dumped onto the counter to rest before baking. Because this recipe is a very wet dough, it doesn't come out of the bowl neatly; there is always a bit left sticking to the sides of the bowl that must be cleaned up. I had been washing this in the sink because it is so liquid. For the past few months, it has been collecting in my drain line, rising, and filling the line, fermenting...over and over again. And then consequently collecting other small bits and pieces of things that make it past my mesh stopper. I have a septic system, so I don't have a disposal, and this may have been contributing to the problem, but if there is any clog at all in the line, this dough could greatly complicate things quickly.

If my drain line had been under the house or the ground or buried in a concrete slab, it would have been a HUGE, wildly expensive repair. I am wondering if others have suffered their own mystery clog, and thought I'd better pass along our experience. I hope I am the only one, because I wouldn't wish that repair on my worst enemy.

And a big shout-out to my hero, always, Kirk Metty. I love you. I love that you can fix stuff. I love that you love me enough to clean up all the nasty stuff in my life.