ANOTHER engagement!

I know! It is absolutely crazy! I guess this is what our parents were thinking when all of our kids were born - bam-bam-bam. Three of them in just 3 years or so, the first of which was a "honeymoon baby." :)

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my three oldest, stair-step children are all getting married within 18 months of each other. It's just head-spinning, mind-boggling, wallet splitting fun! I'm so excited for each of them...let me brag on them and their significant others for a few minutes...


I'll introduce you to Nathan and Mary first, since their big engagement news is the headline of this post and the most recent development. Nate (as apparently he is only called at home) is Metty #3, born in Rome, Italy in 1989 while we were on assignment with Texas Instruments. (My husband had the privilege of working on a team of talented engineers who designed and built a $400 million "wafer fab" (computer chips) in the mountains of central Italy. That assignment plays into the story later on...) Nate is a senior Industrial Design major at Appalachian State University, where he met dear Mary years ago. She is also graduating soon with a degree in Early Childhood Development. She's a tall, blonde beauty with a kind and thoughtful heart. She's from here in North Carolina, and we just love her to bits. Nate is simultaneously two years into his 8 year commitment with the Army National Guard, and is presently missing the first 6 weeks of his senior year for training! He's blowing stuff up and loving it, though he misses his sweet Mary. They are planning an outdoor wedding in May.

Twenty-three years ago, when Nate was born, the Italian chemists that were assisting TI with their project in Avezzano gave us a gift for "il piccolo bambino." It was a beautiful gold ladies' bracelet with a place for engraving. My husband told them, "but the baby is a boy." They promptly replied that it was for his wife someday. So I've had this gorgeous piece in my jewelry box for all these years. Each time I saw it over the years, I thought about who would wear it one day, wondered when that would be and said a little prayer for her. So a few weeks ago when Nate ordered a stunning diamond ring, I began making plans to give this bracelet to Mary as well. I had the word Paziente (patience in Italian) engraved on the front, and their wedding date on the back. Patience marks their relationship in many ways, but I thought it was a significant word for me, too, as I've waited for my son to blossom into maturity and take on a family of his own. He as well has practiced a great deal of patience waiting for Mary to love him as he has loved her for so, so long. He's loved her since he met her, but they both dated others throughout college. He told me that he had always subconsciously measured the others with Mary as his standard. Love IS patient. 

I took a little road trip last Wednesday, and took Mary out to lunch. After we ordered our drinks, Mary thanked me for taking her to lunch, "Well, this is really nice. Thank you for taking me out today!" I promptly told her that I had a reason why I traveled three hours to take her to lunch, and I began to tell her the story of the bracelet. I told her that I had been praying for her for 23 years, and it's been so amazing to see what God has brought to us! It was such a rewarding time to be able to finally give that bracelet to the woman God had been preparing for our son. He had been preparing both of them for this moment with each other, both mature young adults, ready to take on the responsibilities of committing their lives to each other.

I wish that I had a story like that for each of my kids, but Nate was the only one given a gift like that at birth. But it sure makes me want to do it for my grandkids.

However, the idea of legacy has resonated with me for a long time, perhaps because of the gold bracelet. I've been collecting little things for my daughters and saving things for them passed on to me from my mother. And I've paid attention to the crazy family stories of generations past, and repeated them to my kids. And I've put aside things for my sons wives, and saved the sentimental things for them, because I know men don't appreciate things like that.

Jon, our oldest son and second-born, married lovely Stacey last December. I wrote all about that here. He was the first to get married, and there was a wide range and flood of emotions tied to that happy event. Stacey is a wonderful young woman, tender hearted yet strong, absolutely perfectly suited to Jon. They're both adventurous, energetic, and wildly interested in the world around them. Both are still in school full time (dental school for her, engineering school for him). She is strong where he is weak and vice versa. They serve God together and have great vision for their future together. I love the woman God brought to Jon.

I had been keeping something for Stacey as well for many years, though not as dramatic a story as Nate's bracelet. I wanted to give something to Jon's wife someday, too, so I kept my eyes and ears open when he was a small boy to try and find the thing that was special to him. Little boys adore their mothers for a few years, and I treasured the times my sons told me I was pretty. (Oh man, I'm tearing up thinking about those snuggly moments with those cherub-faced little three year olds...) I remember Jon telling me he liked a particular necklace I would wear often, a silver chain with a sapphire cross that my uncle had given me as a girl. After Jon put a diamond on Stacey's finger, I took her to lunch as well, and gave her the beginnings of a charm bracelet, with the cross attached, and welcomed her into our ever-growing family. We had spent a week together on a missions trip a few months before, and were beginning to bond. I'm so happy to have more sons and daughters!

Our oldest, Abby, became Mrs. Dave Stalsbroten in a backyard ceremony under a canopy of trees on a beautiful spring day. I didn't have a special bracelet for Dave, but I'm sure he doesn't mind. I did give him a really cool Piggly Wiggly t-shirt that he says has been a ticket to fame in Seattle! But again, what an awesome guy, just a huge expression of love from our wonderful God. Abby was enjoying a great job, a great new city with all the new adventures related to both, and God just absolutely surprised her with a fast-paced romance. I think it was only a date or two before they both realized this is what they had been waiting so patiently for. Such a beautiful thing to see your kids come together like that. One of the most special times I remember with Dave was when he called (from Nicaragua - he spent 15 months there serving a non-profit) to talk to us about marrying Abby. We talked small talk for an hour before he got down to business. He said that he loved Abby very much and she was what he had been waiting for and could he have our blessing on popping the big question? Dave works in the health insurance industry, for a company with some innovative concepts. They are both creative people and dream of having a business together someday. They take full advantage of their beautiful surroundings in Seattle and spend lots of time outdoors.

We have our youngest, Jessie (who has made an pact with a friend that if they are both single at 35 they'll marry each other, but I don't anticipate that really happening. And anyway, 35 is a really long way off and he wants a bracelet, but we're fresh out), who is contentedly enjoying her life as a college sophomore. All this family change has been tough sometimes emotionally. The biggest thing she and I have discussed is the huge shift in loyalties. The big brothers that you hang out with and get so close to, and feel like YOU are their special girl, suddenly find another special girl, and it's tough! But she is getting to enjoy only child status for a while, which she's never gotten to experience, and we're making the most of this unique time in our lives. It won't be long before I'll be writing about the man who stole our baby's heart...

So...Wedding Number Three - here we come!

When a Daughter Marries

This has been one of the most emotional years of my life. All within the last 12 months or so the following has taken place:

-My son Jon asked Stacey to marry him.
-My youngest child, Jessie graduated from high school and went away to college.
-My daughter Abby accepted Dave's marriage proposal.
-My son Nathan went to Army Basic Training.
-My husband had to go to Puerto Rico for work, only bringing him home about once per month.
-I turned 50.
-Jon married Stacey
-Abby married Dave, at our home.




There have been incredible highs and lows of emotion...

When you are truly in love with your best friend, and feel like you are still on your honeymoon after 26 years, it is profoundly difficult to endure regular 3 week separations, with sometimes only 48 hours together in between. Many tears have been shed after intimate moments and on the way home from the airport to drop him off. I just miss him so much.

And on the day my nest became empty, leaving Jessie in her college dorm room was almost unbearable. We both cried buckets that day.

 I got to relish in the accomplishments of Nate at his graduation from Basic Training. We beamed with pride at all he was able to achieve during that hell-ish 10 weeks in a sauna-like South Carolina summer. Private First Class and a platoon leader at that.

Without a doubt, though, seeing your children choose their mates for life brings the wildest swings of emotion. At first, everything is so exciting - they're walking around in the haze of young love, practically oblivious to all else. There is no greater reward than to see your children following hard after God, and then seeing them so wonderfully happy as they find the love of their life. I had this deep sense of satisfaction knowing that they would no longer

have to just observe a great love in their parents; they would experience all of it for themselves!

Then the reality settles in that they are truly leaving your home and establishing their own. This brings some tears, although it is natural and healthy. There is still a tearing away, not unlike labor and delivery, another huge life change, a new season.
 

With my son, I felt more highs than lows...it seems easier to send out a son. A mother feels much pride in the man her son has become, able to love and care for a family of his own. His wedding was a thoroughly joyous occasion. And maybe that was because I wasn't too involved in the planning.  Just so happy that God was blessing our boy with a great woman. He is mature, and ready and take on a family of his own. No stress to go along with the emotions.



But planning and executing my daughter Abby's wedding was a different story. It's now been a little over two weeks since the huge event and I've had some time to pause and reflect. It was absolutely dreamy. We had a nice dry week leading up to an incredibly perfect day. About 75 degrees, a gentle breeze, sunny, no bugs, no humidity. About 145 people descended on our little neighborhood and sat under the trees and celebrated the wedding with us. We had lots of photos with great lighting (of course, well thought-out by the photographer-bride), lawn games, a photo booth, wine, great food, dancing, wonderful fellowship with old friends. Since Abby lives in Seattle, most of the planning happened on this end, so I was heavily engaged. I worked very hard to not become stressed out about the details. I knew that I had no control whatsoever over the weather; our backup plan was to do it all indoors and under a tent attached to the house. Each morning and at moments during the days leading up to it, I took practical steps every time stress would try to creep in. I prayed. I asked God to take care of everything and then I let it go, refused to dwell on it and got on with whatever I had to do. 

And as it turned out, it was perfect. No one was stressed. I had a huge group of amazing friends that stepped up and carried out our wishes for preparing and serving the reception. I hired a small crew to clean up and stack chairs, etc. Many people contributed their time and energy to setting and cleaning up. Everything went off without a hitch. We even had a nice morning after to get the yard back in shape and ready for the rentals company to come and pick everything up. Our family time together with all of the kids home, many extended family here, and so many good friends from years gone by to come and celebrate was beyond satisfying. My tank felt very full.

Watching my beautiful first-born make herself ready for her groom was a moment to soak in. She arranged her lovely curls with flowers and veil. A professional make-up artist came and enhanced all her natural beauty. We zipped and buttoned her into her lace gown, made to fit her lovely form perfectly. I stitched a special garter for her and embellished it with jewels and lace. A simple pearl dangled at her delicate neckline. She was the picture of perfect femininity head to toe. Ready to be given to her man as a gift from God. She was prepared. Her maids laid their hands on her in the ante-room and prayed for God's blessings on this marriage. She veiled her face, and linked arms with her dad. She whispered "I love you Daddy" with a gentle smile. With tears welling up, he said, "I just can't talk to you right now," and they walked down a burlap aisle.

Dave beamed as she approached him on her father's arm. We stood and honored the woman she has become, the bride made ready. They joined hands and committed solemn vows under a canopy of trees, while birds sang in the background. No cathedral could compare to grandeur of that forest.

I am amazed at what a spiritual moment the wedding of your daughter is. So much symbolism...Christ being the groom and the collective church, the bride. We spend our lifetimes making ourselves ready to meet our groom. And the covenant that is made on that day; we also have a covenant bound by love and eternity with our God. The joy that they will share together for a lifetime is all a lovely picture of the intimate relationship that God longs for with us. Those in a loving committed marriage get a little taste of Heaven.

Then there is the letting go of that girl, that young woman from the protection of mother and father and the giving of her to someone else's care. Trusting that he will love and protect her as much or more-so than we have. Kirk has always told our girls, "you'd better not bring me any man that doesn't love you as much as I do!" I rest assured that Dave loves Abby with all of his being. I watched at the rehearsal luncheon how Abby looked at him. There was such deep love and longing in her eyes. I feel quite confident that there is much depth of love, of trust, of hope.

As a matter of fact the word "hope" has appeared over and over again in their love affair. Dave told Abby on their first date, that he had hopes about her. Later, as they sorted out what was happening between them, he often told her that he had hopes for a life shared together. On their wedding programs, "Hope + Life" was emblazoned across the top.

But even with that assurance, there is no denying the intermingling of sadness and joy. Our relationship will never be the same. The change is deafening. The loyalties shifting. She bears his name now. But the joy I feel in knowing that a holy union has taken place and a new family unit formed in the way God intended it to happen, is quite satisfying. I feel completely at peace that this is right. This is what God wanted. This is what He has prepared for her. We've been praying for Dave since Abby was in utero. We certainly didn't know who he would be back then, but we prayed for him all the same. And now here he is. An incredible young man from a tremendous spiritual heritage. We love him and love his family dearly and couldn't have special-ordered anything better for our daughter.

I have reflected so many times in the last few months about my own newly married life. We moved far away from our families, and I know my parents suffered. But as a newlywed, I was completely absorbed in my new life. Calling or writing my parents was not high on my priority list. I see now how much work my mother put into my wedding, all of the scheduling and ordering and arranging. I can imagine how she must have felt being so far away, not having a front-row seat to my love affair. Mothers like all women, love a good romance, and when your own daughters are enjoying one first-hand, Mom would love to be front and center. I took all that for granted until now. Now I'm the mother of the bride with all this emotion to deal with.

But deep-down, I am so happy for them. I love that the legacy Kirk and I have begun is being passed on to this next generation successfully. So many riches have we absorbed from our own parents, and now on to our successors. I know that they will get to experience all the wonders of a committed loving, relationship with a life partner.

Till death do they part.

Puerto Rico! (compliments of Becca)

Guest Chef: Becca Hill. She hails from a long line of crazy... Her tales of "Babba" (Puerto Rican grandma) are legendary around here. If only Babba knew how much we have enjoyed her from a distance. But tonight, we get to share in the joy of some of the fun Becca had growing up, and certainly of the flavors and spices of this culinary goldmine.

Menu: Arroz con Gandules y Chorizo y Mariscos

Tostones con Salsa de Babba

Mango

I was a little late in arriving, but Becca had everyone whipped into shape, washing and chopping. Oh, did I mention she's a second-grade teacher? I got busy with my camera while the girls did all the real work. We decided we needed some appropriate music...

With all the spices, gas burners and Ricky Martin...it was gettin' hot in here!

There were must haves: everything Goya, Sazon, the tostones smasher (I'm sure there's a better word for it in Spanish), some dip, and chips. Plus many, many other ingredients.

There was the odd (in the British sense of the word) boy at the party who

wanted to cook rather than just eat.

Tostones are the awesome Caribbean version of French fries. Very green plantains peeled and chopped into large chunks and deep fried (not once, but twice!) and sprinkled with some seasoned salt. Stacey was able to overcome her fear of frying. She's a pro now. Surely they are better for you than French fries, right? And Becca had this nifty smasher. I've always used the bottom of a glass...gotta get me one of those smashers. I've made these before, but I always sprinkle just plain salt at the end. Becca uses Adobo seasoning. Extra yummy. And to top it all off is the Salsa de Babba, which is a secret mixture of tomatoes, some Adobo, and...not sure what else! But it's great for dipping the tostones.

Again, another lovely evening to enjoy great food and fellowship outdoors. This meal was a little more complicated than we are used to, so it was a little later eating. Thanks Becca, for sharing your rich heritage with us. And you are such a great teacher!

(And Babba...we dedicate this meal to you. You will be remembered for the joy and sunshine you have spread to generations of young cooks! The only thing missing was you! Next time!)

Family Projects

When Kirk and I married 25 years ago, we were paupers. Well-educated paupers, but poor none-the-less. And we were staunchly opposed to debt. So we barely had anything to fill our new apartment save a few random pieces of furniture: a really old couch from my grandma, Kirk's big 1980s stereo components, which included some hefty speakers that doubled as end tables, the lovely storage unit made from fruit crates to hold said stereo system, and a bed that we actually bought. Figured we needed a bed. :)

So, every weekend we scrounged yard sales in Dallas where we set up housekeeping. And in Dallas, you can find some pretty nice used stuff. One of our first acquisitions was a recliner that we paid $15 for. It was in good condition but we didn't like the fabric. I knew how to sew (clothing, that is) so Kirk decided with that skill in hand, we could recover this chair. He declared, "It'll be our first family project!"

And so our tradition of family projects ensued. We've repaired other chairs, built bookcases and remodeled kitchens. A good marriage takes effort; a 25 year marriage doesn't just happen. You must be intentional. We often talk to young couples about building oneness through shared experiences. Each time you do something together, it's like wrapping a thread around two pencils. If you only wrap one thread, the bond is not very strong...wrap many times around, and it's nearly impossible to pull those pencils apart. Add a minor crisis in there - spill a can of paint, cut the fabric too small, have to live without a kitchen for a week - all the better! The memories mellow (and sometimes get embellished) with time, and make for great stories.

That chair has been recovered a second time, and needs it a third. But the best thing is that the tradition of family projects is being passed on down to the next generation. Our son loves that chair, and I promised he could have it when he moved out.

But I had to take that promise back recently, when I rocked a baby to sleep in it, just like the old days...my kids are adults now, and I know that eventually there will be some grandchildren that need rocking, so I told Jonny, you'll have to find your own recliner!

Sure enough, he did (and he only paid $5 for it!). He and his girlfriend decided to attempt recovering their chair. I told him it would probably make or break their relationship...I would give a few pointers at the beginning, but they were on their own, to make their own memories. They are getting there, relationship in tact, but they are taking a breather. Jon has cursed it and verbally sent it to the depths of the earth a few times. It's about half finished, and they are doing a great job. But the best part is that they are building relationship through this experience.

Maybe re-upholstering a chair is too daunting to you, but what could be your family projects? Cooking together? Painting? Writing a book? Find something that is yours, and spend some time developing that skill. It may come in handy one day, as you are intentional in building a relationship with someone!