Preparing your Kids for Adulthood

I just finished reading another blog written by a stay-at-home-mom about the challenges of living on one income. I wrote about this in our lives, too. I am thankful that my husband worked hard and studied engineering, for it has made him a marketable employee, and afforded us the opportunity to live comfortably on just his paycheck. I also prepared for a professional career and it was sufficient to support me as a single woman during that phase of my life. I appreciate our parents edging us along in these directions. In generations past, this was common. Parents didn't feel their job was to help their kids discover themselves; it was a more pragmatic task of getting them out the door and employable!

I would like to talk to Moms and Dads about helping your children prepare for their adult life in this very practical way. I hear very little about this job that parents have, instead hearing about the day to day struggles that we all seemed to drown in, and thus losing focus on the big picture. The big picture is this: your children are born into your family and stay with you for about 18-20 years, and then leave you to lead their own homes. Their time in your home is all too brief (as I have written about here) but it is easy for young parents to feel like it might last forever due to sheer exhaustion. If you don't keep the big picture in mind, you will miss opportunities to help shape your children's career choices and thus their ability to support themselves financially.

Most Christian parents are well aware of their duty to help shape their kids' spiritual lives, and we are quite intentional about that. That is good. But there is another job we have that is quite important, too.

One of our main jobs as parents is to help our kids know what they want to do with their lives, how they can earn a living and be responsible, capable, independent adults. I know I am going to step on some toes here, but encouraging (and then paying for) your children to go to college and major in something that has absolutely no direct correlation to preparing them for a career is irresponsible parenting. By the time your sons and daughters leave home, for work or college, they should know a few things about themselves and about the world:

• What are my gifts and talents? What am I really good at?
• What do I love doing? What energizes me?
• Am I introverted or extroverted (or a little of both) and what bearing does that have on my career options/choices?
• Do I know what hard work really is?
• What careers are available to me with my interests?
• Is there a way for me to mesh the things I enjoy doing with a way to earn money?
• What do I need to do to prepare myself for the marketplace?
• What experiences can I gain to make me more marketable?
• Is this career I'm considering a solid one with a good future, and adequate pay? 

Jessie at one of her retail jobs

     

Abby is a journalist

Our sons 'working' for us

The sad tale of scores of unemployed (and maybe unemployable) university graduates is a serious one. So many of our kids' friends have never had a job of any kind, and yet have traveled the world and hold a bachelor's degree in...something...maybe grad school would help? So more debt is incurred, still with the student wondering what they will do with their lives. They continue to live on the generosity of their parents, and postpone serious relationships and marriage, because they haven't really grown up. 

It's a real dog-eat-dog world out there; the world is not impressed with your young adult's amazing summer in China if it does not make the potential employer's company more profitable. 

Parents must not coddle their teens in this area. Let them enjoy being a teen, but help them transition to the work world by requiring them to get a part-time job. Help them understand what it takes to be independent by asking them to pay for their own car insurance and gas. Encourage them to make good financial decisions by helping them budget their money. By the time they graduate from high school, they should have some years of work experience, lots of confidence and some savings. This will put them miles ahead of many of their peers. 

It's difficult to lead your family this way, especially if their friends at school and church aren't raised this way. I can remember many a tough conversation with our kids about why we wouldn't pay for their insurance or their phones, and those conversations always ended with, "I am responsible to stand before God for how I raised you, not so-and-so's parents."

Bankruptcy is not an option!

So parents, embrace this God-given role and help your kids find what they are good at, passionate about and interested in. Lead them in making a good career choice and a plan to prepare for it. It is possible to live on just one income, but it needs to be sufficient income to support a new household. 

And if you are one of those students whose parents didn't help you in this way, find someone who will mentor you. This list for 20-somethings was great, and includes a lot of the things mentioned in this post. If you didn't take these life lessons away from your parents, then now is the time to make them yours.