Times of Refreshing

This year, 2015, has turned out to be just we were hoping for...a year of renewal, refreshing, and spiritual rest. Our first grandbaby, Esther, just celebrated her first birthday last week. She came into the world just as ours was taking a dramatic turn for the better. I have been tempted at times to feel guilty for all this abundance, but I have been reminded to just bask in it, soak it in, and give thanks. There are times of suffering and times of blessing in life, and we must praise God no matter what. 

As I reflect on 2015, I am reminded of some highlights...

Esther & Fam
Esther was born at the end of 2014, and there were several cross-country visits to see her in her early months. But then, Esther, her trusty pooch, Butter and their lovely parents moved to North Carolina and lived in our basement apartment for 3 months! And, as if it couldn't get any better, they bought their first home just 25 SHORT minutes from my home. It has been so amazingly wonderful to live close to my sweet eldest daughter and her family...moments I've longed for since she moved to the west coast 6 years ago. Visits over coffee, long chats in front of my fireplace, frequent dinners together, getting to know her fantastic husband, dog-sitting the grand-dog, worshiping alongside them. My heart would be full even if this were the only good thing that happened this year, but alas, God had so much more in store...

Doing what he loves

The End of the Recession

We went into 2015 expecting great things. We were hoping our suspicions were correct, that the slump in the housing market was coming to an end, and my husband could come back to our family residential contracting business full time. We have prayed and believed for that dream during SEVEN long years of weekly business travel, and in March, Kirk quit his corporate job and came home. Our business is booming, and we have been able to provide employment for 2 other men. We do what we love, helping people build or remodel their homes, and make a living at it, too!

Extended family reconciliation
We have had the wonderful and unexpected privilege of renewing some long lost relationships in our extended family. Sometimes your hope for these things grows weary, and you kind of settle. But God has surprised us with some really amazing and fresh connections with relatives, and more frequent, warm communication with our loved ones. It's never too late!

Congrats, Jessie!

Graduation
We celebrated with our youngest daughter, Jessie as she completed her Bachelor's at Appalachian State in May. She also finally landed an 8-5 real job that she loves and we are so happy for her. She will be paying off her loans and saving for the next phase of life - a new car? a house down payment? travel? We are now feeling like our active parenting is really coming to a close, and I'd say we were officially "empty-nesters" except that our house has been full of family all year! I think having your adult kids live with you for a season is a huge blessing. All of ours have done it for different periods of time and for different reasons, but we love them and love being able to help them however we can. The great thing about it is that they are now mature, they love you, and they are not dependent on your for much at all. You just love being together.

Making their baby announcement!

Dr. and Mr. Metty

Settling in NC

Moves and changes for all our kids

Our daughter-in-law Stacey also had a big graduation from UNC School of Dentistry in May, and practices in Charleston, SC. Jon and Stacey moved there over the summer, where Jon was already working at his dream job. Nathan and his wife, Mary moved back to Greensboro in June as he is back in school full time, working on an engineering degree (all the men in our family will soon be mechanical engineers!). They are expecting Emma in February and we are so excited to have another little girl to love. More baby showers...making room for another Metty!

July 20, 1985

Thirtieth Anniversary

July 20, 1985 was the day we tied the knot...and it's been a glorious 30 years full of adventure, challenge, joy, travel, lots of people and lots of love. Kirk and I went to NYC for a few days of biking, a Yankees game, sailing on the Hudson River, dining on the Upper West Side. Ours is a deep bond, he's my lover and best friend, and it's been so worth the effort to make a great marriage.

Community
Some of the little blessings have come to us through spending time with strangers. We have hosted several AirBnB guests and gotten to know people we would otherwise never meet. We participated in welcoming a Somali refugee family (of 10!) to our area and have learned so much about the great needs of refugees around the world. (Side note: if you ever feel like America is 'going to hell in a hand basket'...think again, and be grateful instead - our country is the most amazing, affluent, democratic, free, opportunity-laden and plentiful place on earth. It won't get any better than this, this side of heaven.) I have begun teaching cooking classes again, and getting to know a whole new crop of 20-somethings. And we just catered and hosted a Christmas party for 75 here at our home for all the staff and spouses at our church.

    

Celebrations

Our latest annual Gingerbread House (is it our 25th?) happened this week, and the house is filled with the sights, sounds and smells of Christmas. Every time I walk in the kitchen, I am met with the cozy aroma of gingerbread. And of course, Esther's first birthday was a week of parties and fun. She has become such a darling, always sweet, good-natured, adventurous, and smiling. There is nothing better than to see her bright eyes greet me when we see each other and for her to reach out to me. She has this way of "hugging" me where she buries her head in my chest and tucks her arms between us, just all scrunchy and cozy! And then when I get the chance to rock her to sleep, singing her favorite song softly as she dozes off...I can't think of a better way to spend 20 minutes doing nothing at all.

photo by Abby Stalsbroten

A prayer: "Thank you Jesus, for coming to earth as a vulnerable baby to bring joy and hope to a dying world. Without you, without your influence on human history, we would be a wretched people. You have brought a glint of heaven to us, and we are so grateful for your gracious gifts of love, family, home, health and joy. And of course the hope of heaven, when all things will be made right, especially for the many who have not enjoyed these things on earth. Come, Lord Jesus, come."

"Radiant beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace..." - Silent Night

Summertime, and the Livin' is Easy

  

Well, maybe not easy. My husband and his team have been slaving it out in the hot, hot Carolina sun and humidity for the past couple of weeks, and he is bronzed like a grilled turkey leg. But for me, I’m sweat-averse, so I exercise early in the morning, or ride a bicycle so there is an inherent breeze. I’ve been spending most of my time indoors, trying to re-order my life.

Since January, there has been much up-ending of my routine (as I wrote about here), although they are all happy changes. I love having our baby granddaughter and her delightful parents nearby. It has been AMAZING to have my husband home again full time. Our youngest job-hunting daughter is always a source of great conversation and joy. My sons are thriving and I'm even expecting another grand-baby in the winter from one of them. But these changes have been a tidal shift in the life I had become accustomed to for 5 years or so, even though I didn't like it. I feel a little like a military wife who has to adjust to her husband's return from deployment...my schedule is not as loose as it once was. I feel compelled to be at my husband's beck and call during the day for business purposes. I can't just throw some peanut butter on an apple and call it 'dinner.' There are people around me all the time, and alone time is a luxury once again, rather than the norm. 

Kirk and I happily celebrated 30 years of marriage last month. We went to New York City for a few days and enjoyed some focused time together. We drove, so we had a lot of time to talk in the car undistracted for hours and hours. One of the things I have become quite mindful of is everything in the previous paragraphs…all the change. I brought this up, and we spend some time discussing a restructuring. He just jumped right back into the life of a general contractor, but I had to let go of all the control and involvement to make room for him to do his job. I had been the boots-on-the-ground for several years in our home construction business, and now, finally, he was back. But my role was a little ambiguous, and I frankly didn’t know what to do with myself. I was finding that I began to be cranky, sad, and aimless. Thankfully, I had baby Esther to distract me, but when they moved into their own home in June, all this intensified.

So, we made a plan. I would devote several days a week to our business, and reserve 2 days for family, friends, ministry, chores and personal stuff. I set up an office where I could shut the door as a signal to others that I was unavailable (amazing how even with young adults, Mama seems to be the hub of activity that they gravitate to with a bowl of cereal or a book…that room is just is so much more inviting with Mom in it!). I would focus on tasks that my ‘boss’ gave me on my work days, and only set up coffee dates and lunches with friends on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A regular babysitting date was established for my daughter – I wanted to do this for her, and for the others in time, because I did not have my mother close by when I was a young mom and would have given my right arm for it!

I’ve been at this for about three weeks and it seems to be working. I am way more disciplined about my daily devotions, exercise, to-do lists, work tasks. I’m even ahead on my book club reading!

It feels good and right to be doing this in the summer. I remember when I was teacher, summer was a time of rest but come late July, I was thinking, "reset, get ready, get prepped for the school year." Our book selection this month is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and it has been perfect timing for what I am going through right now. So many great suggestions about getting a grip on life in general. 

I feel in many ways that I am entering the autumn of my life. I am getting used to be a grandmother (I mean, having the baby around is the easy part...it's the idea of being old enough to actually be a grandmother that I struggle with!), to being available to my adult kids when asked, to having long uninterrupted hours to myself, to being more intentional about my free time, to being a business owner. How did I become 54 years old so fast? I'm sure there is more personal growth to come and more change is likely. I do love autumn; I sense this is going to be a good season. 

A Real Love Story

(photo credit Roxanne Turpen)

Next Tuesday, April 30 my younger sister and her husband will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. In this brave new world we occupy, twenty-five years together is pretty impressive for any couple. But like Piscine Patel says in The Life of Pi, "I have a story that will make you believe in God."

7 months before the accident

Sharon was 15 when our lives changed forever. She was walking home from school, I suppose somewhat mindlessly, as teen girls will do, and crossed a busy four-lane highway. She was struck by a vehicle going about 35 mph, which lifted her out of her shoes and onto the windshield. She was without oxygen for some time due to something she was eating getting lodged in her throat. Other than the severe closed head injury and brain trauma, there were no broken bones. She was life-flighted to the hospital where she lay in a deep coma for over 6 weeks. I saw her the first time two weeks after it happened when I managed to get a ride home from college, which was 300 miles away. My family was still reeling from the trauma, and wondering if she would live or die. And if she lived, what would the future be like?

After some weeks, she reached for a piece of cake. This was the first indication that she was emerging from the coma. Over the course of the next two years she slowly came out of the fog, re-learning everything from feeding herself, to sitting up, walking, speaking, reading and writing. Her personality remained intact - social, lively, engaged. But just about everything else changed. She returned to high school at 17 and completed her years there in the special education department at age 19, earning her diploma. But she could not drive. She could not cook.  Couldn't hold a job. Couldn't ride a bike. She could walk, but her gait was not right and she stopped frequently to adjust the position of her right foot. Her common sense and relationship discernment were compromised and she lacked many basic skills for independent living. In addition, she suffered terrible brain seizures which left her babbling streams of words that had nothing to do with each other. My parents began to plan for a lifetime of care.

My family attended a local church where they received a tremendous amount of support. There were so many kind people that walked with my parents through those rough years. In the 1980s, computer technology was gaining ground and John was someone my Dad was able to chat with about this mutually interesting topic. John was an electrical engineer and so intelligent, that most average folks had a hard time conversing with him. He would just talk over their heads. But my father found a pal in John and their friendship developed over time.

One day John asked my dad if he could take my sister Sharon to a lecture at a local university. Dad assured him that he was welcome to ask her, but he didn't know if she would be interested in something like that. However, she wanted to go and was thrilled that someone was asking her on an outing. A week later, John asked my dad again if he could ask Sharon to dinner. My dad, genius that he is, realized that John wanted to date Sharon, and he quickly briefed John about Sharon's tendency to latch on to anyone that would give her attention.

John's reply was, "That's okay, I want to spend time with her. I believe God has told me to marry Sharon."

Wow. It was an amazing thing to behold that courtship and engagement, then with tear-filled eyes, watch as my sister walked down the aisle, a beautiful radiant bride. Of course, we all wondered how it would really go. Would they make it? Would John be able to love her in spite of the difficulties and vast differences between them? Could they have children? Would Sharon be able to care for a household?

But as they moved into their first home together, it was evident that John loved Sharon. Loved, as in an action verb. They set up housekeeping and arranged their furniture and put their wedding gifts away. He bought a tandem bike so they could ride together. They shopped for groceries together and went camping. He patiently and lovingly taught her so many things.

One fond memory I have, that will forever endear me to my brother-in-law was when they invited us for dinner one night. John had been at work all day, so I was unsure of what we were having, or who would prepare it. When we arrived, the table was set with their finest and we were invited to sit down. Sharon had been working all day to prepare a meal of omelets and some other things I don't remember. The food was incredible. I was truly in shock. It had far exceeded all of my expectations. I wanted to know how Sharon had come so far in her skills.

She showed me the five pages of typed instructions that John had written out for her, just for the omelet preparation. What normally would have filled the front of an index card had been dissected into every possible decision and step so that Sharon would not be wondering about anything. Where to find the potato peeler. Where to put the peelings. Which knife to use and where to find it. How large the pieces of potato should be. Which pot should be used to boil the potatoes. Where to find it. How much water to put in the pot. What setting on the stove the burner should be at. How long to expect the potatoes to boil before soft. Etc. Etc. Etc. No detail was left out, and as a result we all enjoyed a delicious meal, proudly prepared and served by this loving wife, and lovingly taught by her amazing husband.

They have not been without difficulty. They have overcome obstacles that every couple faces, and some that not many couples face at all. They have never had children. There have been some physical ailments and illness. Sharon endured two failed and one successful attempt to have her ankle bones fused together (along with the successive months-long recoveries each time). She has two new knees. John has health problems, too. They have suffered some accusation and a generous amount of misunderstanding. But they indeed do love each other. Really love.

And their silver anniversary is a testament to the God that called them together and has held them together. Their faith is the glue of their lives as they daily call out to God for help and guidance.

So, CONGRATULATIONS to one of the most overcoming couples I know! May you enjoy many, many more years of joy together!