Summertime, and the Livin' is Easy

  

Well, maybe not easy. My husband and his team have been slaving it out in the hot, hot Carolina sun and humidity for the past couple of weeks, and he is bronzed like a grilled turkey leg. But for me, I’m sweat-averse, so I exercise early in the morning, or ride a bicycle so there is an inherent breeze. I’ve been spending most of my time indoors, trying to re-order my life.

Since January, there has been much up-ending of my routine (as I wrote about here), although they are all happy changes. I love having our baby granddaughter and her delightful parents nearby. It has been AMAZING to have my husband home again full time. Our youngest job-hunting daughter is always a source of great conversation and joy. My sons are thriving and I'm even expecting another grand-baby in the winter from one of them. But these changes have been a tidal shift in the life I had become accustomed to for 5 years or so, even though I didn't like it. I feel a little like a military wife who has to adjust to her husband's return from deployment...my schedule is not as loose as it once was. I feel compelled to be at my husband's beck and call during the day for business purposes. I can't just throw some peanut butter on an apple and call it 'dinner.' There are people around me all the time, and alone time is a luxury once again, rather than the norm. 

Kirk and I happily celebrated 30 years of marriage last month. We went to New York City for a few days and enjoyed some focused time together. We drove, so we had a lot of time to talk in the car undistracted for hours and hours. One of the things I have become quite mindful of is everything in the previous paragraphs…all the change. I brought this up, and we spend some time discussing a restructuring. He just jumped right back into the life of a general contractor, but I had to let go of all the control and involvement to make room for him to do his job. I had been the boots-on-the-ground for several years in our home construction business, and now, finally, he was back. But my role was a little ambiguous, and I frankly didn’t know what to do with myself. I was finding that I began to be cranky, sad, and aimless. Thankfully, I had baby Esther to distract me, but when they moved into their own home in June, all this intensified.

So, we made a plan. I would devote several days a week to our business, and reserve 2 days for family, friends, ministry, chores and personal stuff. I set up an office where I could shut the door as a signal to others that I was unavailable (amazing how even with young adults, Mama seems to be the hub of activity that they gravitate to with a bowl of cereal or a book…that room is just is so much more inviting with Mom in it!). I would focus on tasks that my ‘boss’ gave me on my work days, and only set up coffee dates and lunches with friends on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A regular babysitting date was established for my daughter – I wanted to do this for her, and for the others in time, because I did not have my mother close by when I was a young mom and would have given my right arm for it!

I’ve been at this for about three weeks and it seems to be working. I am way more disciplined about my daily devotions, exercise, to-do lists, work tasks. I’m even ahead on my book club reading!

It feels good and right to be doing this in the summer. I remember when I was teacher, summer was a time of rest but come late July, I was thinking, "reset, get ready, get prepped for the school year." Our book selection this month is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and it has been perfect timing for what I am going through right now. So many great suggestions about getting a grip on life in general. 

I feel in many ways that I am entering the autumn of my life. I am getting used to be a grandmother (I mean, having the baby around is the easy part...it's the idea of being old enough to actually be a grandmother that I struggle with!), to being available to my adult kids when asked, to having long uninterrupted hours to myself, to being more intentional about my free time, to being a business owner. How did I become 54 years old so fast? I'm sure there is more personal growth to come and more change is likely. I do love autumn; I sense this is going to be a good season. 

Separation Anxiety

Son, Nathan and Mary's wedding in May

Separation anxiety is a term we hear often when we are talking about babies and toddlers. Or maybe even our dogs. But have you ever heard a mature fifty-something mom say that SHE suffers from it?

Well, that would be me. I am admitting it. I struggle with being separated from my kids. I have been trying to cope with these feelings for years. Gosh, I even cried when we dropped our first-born off at her dorm in 2005, which was only 15 miles away. There have been numerous times since then that I've hugged them goodbye and wished them well. And then gotten in the car and sobbed. 

I loved being a mom. Still do, but I loved raising kids. Having babies, then toddlers, then children, then teens. Introducing them to the world bit by bit - roses, hummingbirds, sandcastles, the solar system. Teaching them to read and ride a bicycle and cook. Taking them camping and introducing them to new cultures.  I loved making pancakes and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and mac and cheese. I loved snuggling with them, and being adored by them. I remember telling my little boys after smothering them with kisses, that one day their faces would be covered with prickly whiskers and they wouldn't want to kiss me anymore. They couldn't imagine that. 

 

Easter 1993

But little by little they gain distance from their mama. First they crawl into another room, then play at the neighbor's. Before you know it, they are staying overnight at a friend's house, going away to camp for a week, and working their first job. Then dorm life and their first apartment. Thankfully, it happens gradually! And although growth is natural and healthy, and you know in the back of your mind that their separation from you is coming, it is not easy. I always cringe a little when I hear moms wishing for the day when their kids are gone and they can get "their life" back. Or wishing for some new stage of development, ostensibly saying they don't like the one they're in. But that stage is fleeting and they will never be a newborn, 4 or 16 years old again. My encouragement is always to remind them how quickly it passes, and like some old sage tell them to relish the moments.

                 

Home school, need I say more?

Living abroad in Italy

Spring 2007

Ebey's Landing, WA

With Abby in Seattle, 2010

I will talk about my eldest, Abby, because this one has been the most challenging in terms of my separation anxiety. Like many oldest girls, she was a compliant and easy child, eager to please and easy to get along with. She was like another mom to the other kids at times, and incredibly responsible. As she grew into young adulthood we became friends. We wanted her to express her desire to travel and use the gifts she had to affect the world, and I knew in the back of my mind she would live far away from me one day. She spent a semester in New York City after high school, and that was a tough moment of separation for both of us. And then she moved into a dorm in the college town nearby. Although I knew I could see her often if I wanted to, I thought it was the healthy thing to give her lots of space, and come to me when she wanted to. She became a beautiful and confident young woman, and developed skill in her chosen profession, photography. Upon graduation she ventured out to the west coast to accept a newspaper internship with The Oregonian.  Little did I know that day she drove away in her Honda, that she was vanishing from my everyday (or at least every-week) life. No longer was she nearby and available for an impromptu dinner invite or a coffee date. She wasn't even in a similar time zone, so that even phone dates were difficult to schedule. But I "endured" (I'm really sounding melodramatic now) those three months, secretly hoping she would make her way back to the east coast.

But it wasn't to be. She took a job with a non-profit in Seattle. And she fell in love with Seattle. And then she fell in love IN Seattle. At times, I almost couldn't believe she was falling in love and I couldn't be witness to their budding romance. She was so great about sharing much of it over the phone, but it still wasn't the same as being there. Here she was, one of my closest friends, and I  had only met her boy once! They married and settled into a new apartment with all their wedding gifts. And it was dawning on me that she wasn't coming back. 

There were many tearful conversations about this. Sometimes she hadn't felt included about some family information. More often, I was the one feeling badly that she was far away from me. We had many heart-to-hearts, and shared a lot of emotion over it. I still tear up sometimes when I think about this life change. When we are visiting each other, I feel pressure to make every minute count, and I'm sure I am passing that stress on to her. 

Abby and Dave

But I've recently had an epiphany (or two). I took a step back and saw that Abby's first 18 years were only preparation for her life to come. As her mom, I had the privilege of being the one to shape her and contribute a huge amount of influence. But that was not her life. Her mature life was to come after, what it was all building up to. I had sunk so much emotion into those formative years, that I lost sight of the goal. And instead of rejoicing in a great outcome to all those years of preparation and prayer, I was loathing the very thing I had hoped for her. 

The other thing I realized was that she has been called to Seattle. She loves everything about that city and the Pacific Northwest. Not everyone does. I love living here in North Carolina. Not everyone does. So she has planted there, and is flourishing. Not to say that God may move them elsewhere in the future, but for now, this is where she is best fulfilling the call of God on her life. What more could a parent want? 

And so, I feel like I am beginning to heal from my separation anxiety, and release her into her destiny. She may never have felt fully released, and then never have been able to realize her full potential in that place, if I don't actually let her go.

I do have three other kids, also young adults in different phases of life and distances from home. Both my sons are now married, and my youngest daughter is still in college. This has helped make this little season of change easier, but there have been many tears associated with the cutting of those apron strings, too. 

I am so thankful that while my kids were growing up I cultivated a life independent from them. I have so many other relationships, interests and pursuits that keep me occupied. I would exhort all young moms out there to be careful not to make your children your only pursuit. It should be a priority, but not the only thing you do. You will be a virtual basket case when they leave home! Invest in your marriage, a career, hobbies, friendships, philanthropy, and/or your education. 

And my husband has played a huge role in my 'healing.' If we didn't have such a fun, vibrant relationship, I'm sure this would all be a million times more difficult. I'm so glad we took the time to invest in our marriage, because that's how all this child-rearing came to be in the first place! We knew someday it would be back to just the two of us, and that time is upon us. I remember listening to this song as a young mom, and thinking it was so far off: "...but Baby, what will we do, when it comes back to me and you? They look a little less like little boys everyday. And the pleasure of watching the children growing, is mixed with a bitter cup, of knowing the water-colored ponies will one day ride away." - Wayne Watson, Water-Colored Ponies  

I'm glad we know what to do - we're riding motorcycles, taking long walks, dancing in the kitchen, sharing a glass of wine and cooking to French Cafe Radio on Pandora. 

A Real Love Story

(photo credit Roxanne Turpen)

Next Tuesday, April 30 my younger sister and her husband will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. In this brave new world we occupy, twenty-five years together is pretty impressive for any couple. But like Piscine Patel says in The Life of Pi, "I have a story that will make you believe in God."

7 months before the accident

Sharon was 15 when our lives changed forever. She was walking home from school, I suppose somewhat mindlessly, as teen girls will do, and crossed a busy four-lane highway. She was struck by a vehicle going about 35 mph, which lifted her out of her shoes and onto the windshield. She was without oxygen for some time due to something she was eating getting lodged in her throat. Other than the severe closed head injury and brain trauma, there were no broken bones. She was life-flighted to the hospital where she lay in a deep coma for over 6 weeks. I saw her the first time two weeks after it happened when I managed to get a ride home from college, which was 300 miles away. My family was still reeling from the trauma, and wondering if she would live or die. And if she lived, what would the future be like?

After some weeks, she reached for a piece of cake. This was the first indication that she was emerging from the coma. Over the course of the next two years she slowly came out of the fog, re-learning everything from feeding herself, to sitting up, walking, speaking, reading and writing. Her personality remained intact - social, lively, engaged. But just about everything else changed. She returned to high school at 17 and completed her years there in the special education department at age 19, earning her diploma. But she could not drive. She could not cook.  Couldn't hold a job. Couldn't ride a bike. She could walk, but her gait was not right and she stopped frequently to adjust the position of her right foot. Her common sense and relationship discernment were compromised and she lacked many basic skills for independent living. In addition, she suffered terrible brain seizures which left her babbling streams of words that had nothing to do with each other. My parents began to plan for a lifetime of care.

My family attended a local church where they received a tremendous amount of support. There were so many kind people that walked with my parents through those rough years. In the 1980s, computer technology was gaining ground and John was someone my Dad was able to chat with about this mutually interesting topic. John was an electrical engineer and so intelligent, that most average folks had a hard time conversing with him. He would just talk over their heads. But my father found a pal in John and their friendship developed over time.

One day John asked my dad if he could take my sister Sharon to a lecture at a local university. Dad assured him that he was welcome to ask her, but he didn't know if she would be interested in something like that. However, she wanted to go and was thrilled that someone was asking her on an outing. A week later, John asked my dad again if he could ask Sharon to dinner. My dad, genius that he is, realized that John wanted to date Sharon, and he quickly briefed John about Sharon's tendency to latch on to anyone that would give her attention.

John's reply was, "That's okay, I want to spend time with her. I believe God has told me to marry Sharon."

Wow. It was an amazing thing to behold that courtship and engagement, then with tear-filled eyes, watch as my sister walked down the aisle, a beautiful radiant bride. Of course, we all wondered how it would really go. Would they make it? Would John be able to love her in spite of the difficulties and vast differences between them? Could they have children? Would Sharon be able to care for a household?

But as they moved into their first home together, it was evident that John loved Sharon. Loved, as in an action verb. They set up housekeeping and arranged their furniture and put their wedding gifts away. He bought a tandem bike so they could ride together. They shopped for groceries together and went camping. He patiently and lovingly taught her so many things.

One fond memory I have, that will forever endear me to my brother-in-law was when they invited us for dinner one night. John had been at work all day, so I was unsure of what we were having, or who would prepare it. When we arrived, the table was set with their finest and we were invited to sit down. Sharon had been working all day to prepare a meal of omelets and some other things I don't remember. The food was incredible. I was truly in shock. It had far exceeded all of my expectations. I wanted to know how Sharon had come so far in her skills.

She showed me the five pages of typed instructions that John had written out for her, just for the omelet preparation. What normally would have filled the front of an index card had been dissected into every possible decision and step so that Sharon would not be wondering about anything. Where to find the potato peeler. Where to put the peelings. Which knife to use and where to find it. How large the pieces of potato should be. Which pot should be used to boil the potatoes. Where to find it. How much water to put in the pot. What setting on the stove the burner should be at. How long to expect the potatoes to boil before soft. Etc. Etc. Etc. No detail was left out, and as a result we all enjoyed a delicious meal, proudly prepared and served by this loving wife, and lovingly taught by her amazing husband.

They have not been without difficulty. They have overcome obstacles that every couple faces, and some that not many couples face at all. They have never had children. There have been some physical ailments and illness. Sharon endured two failed and one successful attempt to have her ankle bones fused together (along with the successive months-long recoveries each time). She has two new knees. John has health problems, too. They have suffered some accusation and a generous amount of misunderstanding. But they indeed do love each other. Really love.

And their silver anniversary is a testament to the God that called them together and has held them together. Their faith is the glue of their lives as they daily call out to God for help and guidance.

So, CONGRATULATIONS to one of the most overcoming couples I know! May you enjoy many, many more years of joy together!

When a Daughter Marries

This has been one of the most emotional years of my life. All within the last 12 months or so the following has taken place:

-My son Jon asked Stacey to marry him.
-My youngest child, Jessie graduated from high school and went away to college.
-My daughter Abby accepted Dave's marriage proposal.
-My son Nathan went to Army Basic Training.
-My husband had to go to Puerto Rico for work, only bringing him home about once per month.
-I turned 50.
-Jon married Stacey
-Abby married Dave, at our home.




There have been incredible highs and lows of emotion...

When you are truly in love with your best friend, and feel like you are still on your honeymoon after 26 years, it is profoundly difficult to endure regular 3 week separations, with sometimes only 48 hours together in between. Many tears have been shed after intimate moments and on the way home from the airport to drop him off. I just miss him so much.

And on the day my nest became empty, leaving Jessie in her college dorm room was almost unbearable. We both cried buckets that day.

 I got to relish in the accomplishments of Nate at his graduation from Basic Training. We beamed with pride at all he was able to achieve during that hell-ish 10 weeks in a sauna-like South Carolina summer. Private First Class and a platoon leader at that.

Without a doubt, though, seeing your children choose their mates for life brings the wildest swings of emotion. At first, everything is so exciting - they're walking around in the haze of young love, practically oblivious to all else. There is no greater reward than to see your children following hard after God, and then seeing them so wonderfully happy as they find the love of their life. I had this deep sense of satisfaction knowing that they would no longer

have to just observe a great love in their parents; they would experience all of it for themselves!

Then the reality settles in that they are truly leaving your home and establishing their own. This brings some tears, although it is natural and healthy. There is still a tearing away, not unlike labor and delivery, another huge life change, a new season.
 

With my son, I felt more highs than lows...it seems easier to send out a son. A mother feels much pride in the man her son has become, able to love and care for a family of his own. His wedding was a thoroughly joyous occasion. And maybe that was because I wasn't too involved in the planning.  Just so happy that God was blessing our boy with a great woman. He is mature, and ready and take on a family of his own. No stress to go along with the emotions.



But planning and executing my daughter Abby's wedding was a different story. It's now been a little over two weeks since the huge event and I've had some time to pause and reflect. It was absolutely dreamy. We had a nice dry week leading up to an incredibly perfect day. About 75 degrees, a gentle breeze, sunny, no bugs, no humidity. About 145 people descended on our little neighborhood and sat under the trees and celebrated the wedding with us. We had lots of photos with great lighting (of course, well thought-out by the photographer-bride), lawn games, a photo booth, wine, great food, dancing, wonderful fellowship with old friends. Since Abby lives in Seattle, most of the planning happened on this end, so I was heavily engaged. I worked very hard to not become stressed out about the details. I knew that I had no control whatsoever over the weather; our backup plan was to do it all indoors and under a tent attached to the house. Each morning and at moments during the days leading up to it, I took practical steps every time stress would try to creep in. I prayed. I asked God to take care of everything and then I let it go, refused to dwell on it and got on with whatever I had to do. 

And as it turned out, it was perfect. No one was stressed. I had a huge group of amazing friends that stepped up and carried out our wishes for preparing and serving the reception. I hired a small crew to clean up and stack chairs, etc. Many people contributed their time and energy to setting and cleaning up. Everything went off without a hitch. We even had a nice morning after to get the yard back in shape and ready for the rentals company to come and pick everything up. Our family time together with all of the kids home, many extended family here, and so many good friends from years gone by to come and celebrate was beyond satisfying. My tank felt very full.

Watching my beautiful first-born make herself ready for her groom was a moment to soak in. She arranged her lovely curls with flowers and veil. A professional make-up artist came and enhanced all her natural beauty. We zipped and buttoned her into her lace gown, made to fit her lovely form perfectly. I stitched a special garter for her and embellished it with jewels and lace. A simple pearl dangled at her delicate neckline. She was the picture of perfect femininity head to toe. Ready to be given to her man as a gift from God. She was prepared. Her maids laid their hands on her in the ante-room and prayed for God's blessings on this marriage. She veiled her face, and linked arms with her dad. She whispered "I love you Daddy" with a gentle smile. With tears welling up, he said, "I just can't talk to you right now," and they walked down a burlap aisle.

Dave beamed as she approached him on her father's arm. We stood and honored the woman she has become, the bride made ready. They joined hands and committed solemn vows under a canopy of trees, while birds sang in the background. No cathedral could compare to grandeur of that forest.

I am amazed at what a spiritual moment the wedding of your daughter is. So much symbolism...Christ being the groom and the collective church, the bride. We spend our lifetimes making ourselves ready to meet our groom. And the covenant that is made on that day; we also have a covenant bound by love and eternity with our God. The joy that they will share together for a lifetime is all a lovely picture of the intimate relationship that God longs for with us. Those in a loving committed marriage get a little taste of Heaven.

Then there is the letting go of that girl, that young woman from the protection of mother and father and the giving of her to someone else's care. Trusting that he will love and protect her as much or more-so than we have. Kirk has always told our girls, "you'd better not bring me any man that doesn't love you as much as I do!" I rest assured that Dave loves Abby with all of his being. I watched at the rehearsal luncheon how Abby looked at him. There was such deep love and longing in her eyes. I feel quite confident that there is much depth of love, of trust, of hope.

As a matter of fact the word "hope" has appeared over and over again in their love affair. Dave told Abby on their first date, that he had hopes about her. Later, as they sorted out what was happening between them, he often told her that he had hopes for a life shared together. On their wedding programs, "Hope + Life" was emblazoned across the top.

But even with that assurance, there is no denying the intermingling of sadness and joy. Our relationship will never be the same. The change is deafening. The loyalties shifting. She bears his name now. But the joy I feel in knowing that a holy union has taken place and a new family unit formed in the way God intended it to happen, is quite satisfying. I feel completely at peace that this is right. This is what God wanted. This is what He has prepared for her. We've been praying for Dave since Abby was in utero. We certainly didn't know who he would be back then, but we prayed for him all the same. And now here he is. An incredible young man from a tremendous spiritual heritage. We love him and love his family dearly and couldn't have special-ordered anything better for our daughter.

I have reflected so many times in the last few months about my own newly married life. We moved far away from our families, and I know my parents suffered. But as a newlywed, I was completely absorbed in my new life. Calling or writing my parents was not high on my priority list. I see now how much work my mother put into my wedding, all of the scheduling and ordering and arranging. I can imagine how she must have felt being so far away, not having a front-row seat to my love affair. Mothers like all women, love a good romance, and when your own daughters are enjoying one first-hand, Mom would love to be front and center. I took all that for granted until now. Now I'm the mother of the bride with all this emotion to deal with.

But deep-down, I am so happy for them. I love that the legacy Kirk and I have begun is being passed on to this next generation successfully. So many riches have we absorbed from our own parents, and now on to our successors. I know that they will get to experience all the wonders of a committed loving, relationship with a life partner.

Till death do they part.

A Son's Wedding

Well, it happened. We married off one of our children. Our second-born, Jon married Stacey a week before Christmas in a lovely outdoor ceremony. It was a beautiful moment in time; a life-time of reward in one 30 minute ceremony. When your kids are young, their weddings seem so far away. On those days when they are throwing things at their little brothers or forgetting to do their Chemistry homework, a mother wonders if they will ever be mature and responsible enough to be married. So it is quite rewarding to watch that son grow into maturity, taking on responsibility for themselves, loving a woman, and asking her to be his partner for life. The words spoken on that day are for life, and a covenant is made. It was a momentous day, full of tears and joy and laughter. I laid my head on my husband's shoulder as Stacey walked down the aisle with her dad, and tried to drink in the moment. My handsome son was up front watching with baited breath as his beautiful bride came to him on her daddy's arm. They gazed into each others eyes and committed themselves for life. They prayed together and exchanged rings. Then we ate and danced and sent them off on their new life together. They have set up housekeeping nearby, and are just so adorable.

As a mom, I just continue to revel in the blessing. We sometimes go through very rough times watching our children grow up. They can make really bad decisions and we hate to see them suffer. We hope for the best in their lives, but they sometimes choose the worst for themselves. We spend countless hours on our knees, asking God to protect them and preserve them for His purposes. We watch them hurt other people in their immaturity and hold our breath until they make it right.

But then, they blossom. They start to say "thank you" more often. They offer to help. They pay for your lunch out together. They apologize. They become good citizens. They serve their community. They lead others. It's just amazing.

So far, my fondest memory of the last few weeks has been one afternoon when I had stopped by Jon and Stacey's apartment. Jon was home, but Stacey was still on her way. He looked out of the window the same time Stacey's bus pulled up some distance away. He said, "oh, there's her bus. Hmmm, I wonder if she'll come right home or if she'll stop and pick up the mail. Oh, she's taking the shortcut." He watched her every move, all the way to the apartment door, then he eagerly opened it, kissed her hello and brought her in from the cold. It was absolutely precious. So much love. I am so proud of him. And so happy for them both.

Family Projects

When Kirk and I married 25 years ago, we were paupers. Well-educated paupers, but poor none-the-less. And we were staunchly opposed to debt. So we barely had anything to fill our new apartment save a few random pieces of furniture: a really old couch from my grandma, Kirk's big 1980s stereo components, which included some hefty speakers that doubled as end tables, the lovely storage unit made from fruit crates to hold said stereo system, and a bed that we actually bought. Figured we needed a bed. :)

So, every weekend we scrounged yard sales in Dallas where we set up housekeeping. And in Dallas, you can find some pretty nice used stuff. One of our first acquisitions was a recliner that we paid $15 for. It was in good condition but we didn't like the fabric. I knew how to sew (clothing, that is) so Kirk decided with that skill in hand, we could recover this chair. He declared, "It'll be our first family project!"

And so our tradition of family projects ensued. We've repaired other chairs, built bookcases and remodeled kitchens. A good marriage takes effort; a 25 year marriage doesn't just happen. You must be intentional. We often talk to young couples about building oneness through shared experiences. Each time you do something together, it's like wrapping a thread around two pencils. If you only wrap one thread, the bond is not very strong...wrap many times around, and it's nearly impossible to pull those pencils apart. Add a minor crisis in there - spill a can of paint, cut the fabric too small, have to live without a kitchen for a week - all the better! The memories mellow (and sometimes get embellished) with time, and make for great stories.

That chair has been recovered a second time, and needs it a third. But the best thing is that the tradition of family projects is being passed on down to the next generation. Our son loves that chair, and I promised he could have it when he moved out.

But I had to take that promise back recently, when I rocked a baby to sleep in it, just like the old days...my kids are adults now, and I know that eventually there will be some grandchildren that need rocking, so I told Jonny, you'll have to find your own recliner!

Sure enough, he did (and he only paid $5 for it!). He and his girlfriend decided to attempt recovering their chair. I told him it would probably make or break their relationship...I would give a few pointers at the beginning, but they were on their own, to make their own memories. They are getting there, relationship in tact, but they are taking a breather. Jon has cursed it and verbally sent it to the depths of the earth a few times. It's about half finished, and they are doing a great job. But the best part is that they are building relationship through this experience.

Maybe re-upholstering a chair is too daunting to you, but what could be your family projects? Cooking together? Painting? Writing a book? Find something that is yours, and spend some time developing that skill. It may come in handy one day, as you are intentional in building a relationship with someone!

A Lesson in Romance

Ahh...February 14th...what young husband doesn't stress over what to do on this special day? What are the expectations? As a young wife, we want to be pampered, remembered and celebrated, but truthfully girls - we sometimes expect our man to be Mr. Perfect on this day. I can remember many times as a young wife, being unreasonably disappointed because Mr. Metty didn't read my mind! We've been married 25 years, and there have been some amazing Valentine's Days and some not so great.

So, my dear hubby had this stroke of genius: why don't we combine our passion for cooking (especially the romantic Italian variety), use our spacious great room and convert our home into a romantic Italian candlelit restaurant. We'll invite six young couples, only tell the husbands, and let them build up the excitement of a surprise evening out. They were instructed to take care of everything from childcare, to helping their wives find a suitable black or red dress, to talking it up for two weeks beforehand. Our part was the cooking, serving and creating an environment conducive to building a lasting memory that will be a chapter in their love story.

So Mama Metty is married to Papa Metty, who has a thing or two to share with the next generation of great husbands. We learned a long time ago that the anticipation of an event is sometimes as fun or more fun than the actual event. So ladies (since it's probably only ladies reading this), take note: you'd do well to gently tell your man how much you appreciate him keeping a little secret now and then, and giving you hints until it's time to reveal. Kirk used to keep a little list going at his office of great ideas for dates. He'd try to get me to guess what he was cooking up, and everything I guessed went right on that list! Pretty clever!

So, did I get anything romantic out of this Valentine's Day? Absolutely. Every time Kirk sent a note out to the husbands, he practiced what he was preaching and I was the beneficiary of love notes, chocolates, and flowers in the days preceding February 14th. And we had such a great time working on this little project together. We cooked together, he hung out with me in the kitchen while I mixed things up, he told me how great I was. It was a pretty memorable weekend for us, too.

Menu
Grilled Portobellos with Gorgonzola, Bruschetti, Assorted Olives
Caprese Salad
Homemade Fettucine, Lasagne Bolognese, Ravioli
Sfogliatelle and Chocolate dipped Strawberries
Red and White Wines, Cappucino