Some Tips for Hosting

As mentioned in my last post, I recently catered and hosted a Christmas party for 75. I love to have my home full of conversation, good smells, beauty and laughter, and throwing a big party is just the ticket. This is the second time I've hosted this particular party, although we've done other similar events. I've learned some tips and tricks along the way.

Tip #1 - Enlist help
Find several helpers, and choose them carefully. Find people who either love to serve by nature, or want to learn about hosting. We used real dish ware, so washing dishes was an all-evening affair for 3 people (in the mudroom, by hand). I also had some parking attendants at the beginning, and asked helpers to replenish food and drinks. They were also the ones I counted on to help with a myriad of small tasks, and I just supervised and tried to sit down as often as possible!

Tip #2 - Meticulous planning
I'm a list-maker and nothing brings me more pleasure than to cross things off. Creating a menu, shopping and to-do lists are so much fun for me! I got a little spiral notebook just for this party and kept it close by at all times for a few weeks ahead. Once I knew how many guests to expect and the budget, I could set to work coming up with a menu that was tasty, manageable and met various dietary needs (aka, omnivores, vegetarians, lactose-intolerant, etc...things have really changed since I first got married and started hosting!). Careful planning and lists, lists, lists are key to throwing a big party.

Tip #3 - Don't offer too many items
I had about 15 menu items, which in hindsight is still a few too many. Consider having 3 or 4 "wow" items and then fill in the rest of the menu with the old standbys. Inevitably, there are the crowd favorites and the duds...and sometimes you can't predict this; I made sure I had plenty of shrimp cocktail, but we had gobs leftover and not nearly enough California rolls. I wanted this menu to be "international" so we offered items from the Mid-East, Asia, Italian, Caribbean and American.

Tip #4 - Don't try to make everything from scratch
I decided to make a lot of the food here at home, but I outsourced some, too. On the day of, I picked up ready-made falafel, sushi and bbq from local sources. I made baked ziti and a creole sauce with rice and beans several days ahead and stored it in the freezer. I bought some desserts and had my daughter make a few items. My other daughter has a great salad recipe so I asked her to make a massive quantity of it. I kept the drinks simple - just sweet tea and flavored waters, hot cider and coffee.

Tip #5- Plan out each day's activities for a week ahead
Starting with shopping, I worked a little each day leading up the the event. Several things I could cook ahead and freeze, but then finding space for those items to thaw had to be factored in. So each day had a few tasks, considering storage space in the refrigerator, freezer and oven. I assigned tasks to myself and those that were helping me on the day of. And of course, my sweet husband was willing to give me his entire late afternoon to be 'on call.'

Tip #6 - Include ALL tasks, no matter how small, on that list!
Lighting candles 15 minutes before showtime is an essential and time consuming task! Put it on the list! Changing from my work clothes to my party clothes was also on that activities list, as was turning on the coffee makers. Cleaning the bathrooms, stocking toilet paper and making sure the dishwasher was empty were other things on that week-of list. And delegate, delegate, delegate. Decide what you must do and then give the rest of the tasks to someone else.

Tip #7 - Don't sweat the small stuff
At the last minute, we were blowing breakers left and right with all the coffee urns and outdoor heaters. We had to scramble to find a solution, but I passed that off to my husband whom I trust to do things well. We ran out of broccoli salad, and someone set a small fire on my dining table. But we just deal with those things...remember to keep the main thing, the main thing...we want everyone to be well-fed, feel appreciated and just have a good time being together.

Tip #8 - Leave the big clean up til morning
I am DONE by the time everyone heads home around 10 pm. So, even though the kitchen is a disaster, I leave it until the morning. I know I will have tons more energy when the sun comes up, and I will tackle that project bright and early. I asked my helpers to get all the dishes, glassware, forks, and coffee cups cleaned before they left, and I took care of the serving platters, trays, coffee urns, etc. myself. I turned on my favorite Pandora Christmas station (Johnnyswim Holiday, btw) and worked like a little Christmas elf all morning.

My home was designed with hospitality in mind. One of the best spaces is the kitchen/breakfast/keeping room area, where all 75 people stood at the end of the party for a little speech. In addition, I have a large covered porch with a fireplace, so I installed curtains to enclose it, and bought some outdoor heaters, which gave us lots of extra overflow space, even on a December night. Two years ago when I threw this party, I moved a lot of my furniture out and brought in tables and chairs and made sure there was a place setting for every person. This year, I left the house as it was, brought in folding chairs and we had a more casual affair. I find that only about half of the people actually sit down at an event like this; most people are on the move with their plate in hand and only sit for a few minutes at a time. I counted about 50 places to sit in my house the way it was (furniture, fireplace hearth, outdoor chairs, ottomans, etc.) so I didn't need a ton of extra seating. Thankfully everyone milled about from the kitchen (where the food was served buffet-style on my island) to the other rooms on the first floor.

I'm looking forward to hosting again in the new year. This is my way of showing people that I love them, that I appreciate them. And I feel a huge sense of satisfaction knowing that they ate something yummy in my home and shared life with me.

Menu:
Shrimp shooters (2 shrimp served in a puddle of cocktail sauce in a shot glass)
Creole sauce with Rice and Beans (veg)
Baked Ziti (veg)
Bacon-wrapped dates with goat cheese
Falafel with Tahini (veg)
California rolls (veg)
NC BBQ sliders
Anitipasti (cheese, olives, nuts, grapes, crackers) (veg)
Lobster bites
Broccoli Salad
Caprese Skewers (veg)
Oreo Truffle balls
Chocolate covered pretzels
Assorted Cookies
Candy
Hot cider
Coffee/tea
Flavored still and sparkling water
Sweet Tea

When a Daughter Marries

This has been one of the most emotional years of my life. All within the last 12 months or so the following has taken place:

-My son Jon asked Stacey to marry him.
-My youngest child, Jessie graduated from high school and went away to college.
-My daughter Abby accepted Dave's marriage proposal.
-My son Nathan went to Army Basic Training.
-My husband had to go to Puerto Rico for work, only bringing him home about once per month.
-I turned 50.
-Jon married Stacey
-Abby married Dave, at our home.




There have been incredible highs and lows of emotion...

When you are truly in love with your best friend, and feel like you are still on your honeymoon after 26 years, it is profoundly difficult to endure regular 3 week separations, with sometimes only 48 hours together in between. Many tears have been shed after intimate moments and on the way home from the airport to drop him off. I just miss him so much.

And on the day my nest became empty, leaving Jessie in her college dorm room was almost unbearable. We both cried buckets that day.

 I got to relish in the accomplishments of Nate at his graduation from Basic Training. We beamed with pride at all he was able to achieve during that hell-ish 10 weeks in a sauna-like South Carolina summer. Private First Class and a platoon leader at that.

Without a doubt, though, seeing your children choose their mates for life brings the wildest swings of emotion. At first, everything is so exciting - they're walking around in the haze of young love, practically oblivious to all else. There is no greater reward than to see your children following hard after God, and then seeing them so wonderfully happy as they find the love of their life. I had this deep sense of satisfaction knowing that they would no longer

have to just observe a great love in their parents; they would experience all of it for themselves!

Then the reality settles in that they are truly leaving your home and establishing their own. This brings some tears, although it is natural and healthy. There is still a tearing away, not unlike labor and delivery, another huge life change, a new season.
 

With my son, I felt more highs than lows...it seems easier to send out a son. A mother feels much pride in the man her son has become, able to love and care for a family of his own. His wedding was a thoroughly joyous occasion. And maybe that was because I wasn't too involved in the planning.  Just so happy that God was blessing our boy with a great woman. He is mature, and ready and take on a family of his own. No stress to go along with the emotions.



But planning and executing my daughter Abby's wedding was a different story. It's now been a little over two weeks since the huge event and I've had some time to pause and reflect. It was absolutely dreamy. We had a nice dry week leading up to an incredibly perfect day. About 75 degrees, a gentle breeze, sunny, no bugs, no humidity. About 145 people descended on our little neighborhood and sat under the trees and celebrated the wedding with us. We had lots of photos with great lighting (of course, well thought-out by the photographer-bride), lawn games, a photo booth, wine, great food, dancing, wonderful fellowship with old friends. Since Abby lives in Seattle, most of the planning happened on this end, so I was heavily engaged. I worked very hard to not become stressed out about the details. I knew that I had no control whatsoever over the weather; our backup plan was to do it all indoors and under a tent attached to the house. Each morning and at moments during the days leading up to it, I took practical steps every time stress would try to creep in. I prayed. I asked God to take care of everything and then I let it go, refused to dwell on it and got on with whatever I had to do. 

And as it turned out, it was perfect. No one was stressed. I had a huge group of amazing friends that stepped up and carried out our wishes for preparing and serving the reception. I hired a small crew to clean up and stack chairs, etc. Many people contributed their time and energy to setting and cleaning up. Everything went off without a hitch. We even had a nice morning after to get the yard back in shape and ready for the rentals company to come and pick everything up. Our family time together with all of the kids home, many extended family here, and so many good friends from years gone by to come and celebrate was beyond satisfying. My tank felt very full.

Watching my beautiful first-born make herself ready for her groom was a moment to soak in. She arranged her lovely curls with flowers and veil. A professional make-up artist came and enhanced all her natural beauty. We zipped and buttoned her into her lace gown, made to fit her lovely form perfectly. I stitched a special garter for her and embellished it with jewels and lace. A simple pearl dangled at her delicate neckline. She was the picture of perfect femininity head to toe. Ready to be given to her man as a gift from God. She was prepared. Her maids laid their hands on her in the ante-room and prayed for God's blessings on this marriage. She veiled her face, and linked arms with her dad. She whispered "I love you Daddy" with a gentle smile. With tears welling up, he said, "I just can't talk to you right now," and they walked down a burlap aisle.

Dave beamed as she approached him on her father's arm. We stood and honored the woman she has become, the bride made ready. They joined hands and committed solemn vows under a canopy of trees, while birds sang in the background. No cathedral could compare to grandeur of that forest.

I am amazed at what a spiritual moment the wedding of your daughter is. So much symbolism...Christ being the groom and the collective church, the bride. We spend our lifetimes making ourselves ready to meet our groom. And the covenant that is made on that day; we also have a covenant bound by love and eternity with our God. The joy that they will share together for a lifetime is all a lovely picture of the intimate relationship that God longs for with us. Those in a loving committed marriage get a little taste of Heaven.

Then there is the letting go of that girl, that young woman from the protection of mother and father and the giving of her to someone else's care. Trusting that he will love and protect her as much or more-so than we have. Kirk has always told our girls, "you'd better not bring me any man that doesn't love you as much as I do!" I rest assured that Dave loves Abby with all of his being. I watched at the rehearsal luncheon how Abby looked at him. There was such deep love and longing in her eyes. I feel quite confident that there is much depth of love, of trust, of hope.

As a matter of fact the word "hope" has appeared over and over again in their love affair. Dave told Abby on their first date, that he had hopes about her. Later, as they sorted out what was happening between them, he often told her that he had hopes for a life shared together. On their wedding programs, "Hope + Life" was emblazoned across the top.

But even with that assurance, there is no denying the intermingling of sadness and joy. Our relationship will never be the same. The change is deafening. The loyalties shifting. She bears his name now. But the joy I feel in knowing that a holy union has taken place and a new family unit formed in the way God intended it to happen, is quite satisfying. I feel completely at peace that this is right. This is what God wanted. This is what He has prepared for her. We've been praying for Dave since Abby was in utero. We certainly didn't know who he would be back then, but we prayed for him all the same. And now here he is. An incredible young man from a tremendous spiritual heritage. We love him and love his family dearly and couldn't have special-ordered anything better for our daughter.

I have reflected so many times in the last few months about my own newly married life. We moved far away from our families, and I know my parents suffered. But as a newlywed, I was completely absorbed in my new life. Calling or writing my parents was not high on my priority list. I see now how much work my mother put into my wedding, all of the scheduling and ordering and arranging. I can imagine how she must have felt being so far away, not having a front-row seat to my love affair. Mothers like all women, love a good romance, and when your own daughters are enjoying one first-hand, Mom would love to be front and center. I took all that for granted until now. Now I'm the mother of the bride with all this emotion to deal with.

But deep-down, I am so happy for them. I love that the legacy Kirk and I have begun is being passed on to this next generation successfully. So many riches have we absorbed from our own parents, and now on to our successors. I know that they will get to experience all the wonders of a committed loving, relationship with a life partner.

Till death do they part.

Thrift Store Obsession

Now that we've got Jon and Stacey married, it's time to turn our focus to our daughter Abby's wedding to Dave in April. We've all been working hard to do all the planning tasks, including juggling schedules and meetings so that they can make plans when they are here in town. See, they live 3,000 miles away and the wedding is here! So a few days after my son's wedding in December, we had appointments with the seamstress, the rentals company, and the caterer. The caterer. Hmmm. The caterer (to whom I've given a $500 deposit!) has filed for bankruptcy. I doubt we will see our deposit or any catering services, since it's been a month now, and no contact from them at all.

So, I've rallied the troops: all my dear friends with a similar passion for cooking and hospitality will help me throw a dinner party for 200 in my backyard. One of our desires is to make this reception as visually stunning as the bride herself...although I doubt that is possible, actually. No plastic platters from the party store for us! I am on a mission: to amass as many silver platters, trays and water pitchers as I can possibly store in my home. There are wonderful thrift and antique stores here in my home town and they were loaded with these items until I arrived and bought them all! (Actually, me and Nan - I have a little friendly rivalry with my neighbor, Nan about these outings. We try to see who found the most amazing items at the best prices.) My kids think I have lost my mind and am hoarding. Some were only $2 and $3! They were terribly tarnished as a result of many years of neglect, possibly buried in the back of some barn for 50 years, but I saw past all that ugly and realized there were treasures to be had beneath. There must be many a little old lady who left her earthly treasures to the PTA Thrift Stores in this little town, when she passed on. Who knew?

Hard to tell from the photos, but the one in the middle says it best (before and after).

Wright's Silver Polish to the rescue!

Here are some more examples of the finished products...

So beautiful wedding reception, here we come!

Leaving the Nest

I have written before about the nest of sparrow's eggs outside my front door...I'd like to revisit the nest theme again...

Five little blue eggs which hatched today. Now four tiny helpless little birds, with one more to go. I've been spying off and on all day.

Things are happening. In that nest and in mine. Lots of change, growth, shifting. It's all good. All natural, but it's sometimes painful change in my nest...I've only got four babies, long since beyond freshly 'hatched' and helpless, but I can relate to that mama bird...

Egg #1: She's almost 25, out of college for two years, working a dream job (albeit on the other side of the country!), and traveling. A lot. She just returned from a two-week trip to Kenya, on a photographic assignment for the non-profit she works for. That was the third of her international trips just since January. These trips are tough. They spend time interviewing people who are losing children to drought, disease and hunger. Somehow she has to capture the story so the story can be told, and therefore solutions can be paid for.

Egg #2: Oh my goodness. My baby boy asked his sweetie to marry him last night! I can hardly believe it. He's certainly ready, at 23, preparing for an engineering career, full of common sense and a fair amount of wisdom. He's got a great girl; she's amazing. Looks like this one is about to fly off to build his own family, and is in the process of preparing their nest.

Egg #3: Another boy turned man. He's 21, studying hard in college, living on his own and preparing for a military career. I still cry a little each time he leaves after a holiday or summer

break to go back. He's so strong. So thoughtful.

And then there's Egg #4: She's 18 as of a month ago, and fixin' to leave home for college in the fall. I can't think about it. I just find myself repeatedly putting it out of my mind, waiting for another day to think about it. But it's fast approaching...

The empty nest.

Ugh. I hate that expression. Empty. Sounds so lonely. So quiet. I know there will always be people around; my house has never been quiet for long. But this is such a significant year - all this change.

Maybe it should be called, the spacious nest. That way there's room for more. Room for those baby-birds-turned-adults to come home to their original nest, bring their friends and families, and enjoy some moments of refreshment and fun.

Even though they are either out of the nest or moving out soon, the comfort of the nest is always there. Our roles are changing, but there are times when Mom and Dad are needed as a listening ear and a comfort, even to healthy, well-adjusted adult children. We had the privilege of doing just that as our daughter returned to the US after her trip. We spent a few days together in New York, just talking, laughing, sleeping and eating. It was therapeutic for her, and such a blessing to us. These times are few and far between, but the bonds are tight and we cherish every moment we get. Part of our conversation was a frank discussion about how hard it is for us all to be apart. We didn't come to a conclusion per se, but the discussion is an open one, sometimes with understanding and sometimes with tears. I suppose similar conversations will happen with each of them.

Over the years, I've always put a welcome basket together for overnight guests with granola bars, fruit, a few bottles of water. When the kids were little, they always raided that basket upon the guests' departure. I look forward to the day when they will be my guests.

And this gives me some comfort as I look at the growing space inside my nest. Hang in there Mama Bird! Your babies will grow big and strong, able to fly on their own and build their own nests someday!