Times of Refreshing

This year, 2015, has turned out to be just we were hoping for...a year of renewal, refreshing, and spiritual rest. Our first grandbaby, Esther, just celebrated her first birthday last week. She came into the world just as ours was taking a dramatic turn for the better. I have been tempted at times to feel guilty for all this abundance, but I have been reminded to just bask in it, soak it in, and give thanks. There are times of suffering and times of blessing in life, and we must praise God no matter what. 

As I reflect on 2015, I am reminded of some highlights...

Esther & Fam
Esther was born at the end of 2014, and there were several cross-country visits to see her in her early months. But then, Esther, her trusty pooch, Butter and their lovely parents moved to North Carolina and lived in our basement apartment for 3 months! And, as if it couldn't get any better, they bought their first home just 25 SHORT minutes from my home. It has been so amazingly wonderful to live close to my sweet eldest daughter and her family...moments I've longed for since she moved to the west coast 6 years ago. Visits over coffee, long chats in front of my fireplace, frequent dinners together, getting to know her fantastic husband, dog-sitting the grand-dog, worshiping alongside them. My heart would be full even if this were the only good thing that happened this year, but alas, God had so much more in store...

Doing what he loves

The End of the Recession

We went into 2015 expecting great things. We were hoping our suspicions were correct, that the slump in the housing market was coming to an end, and my husband could come back to our family residential contracting business full time. We have prayed and believed for that dream during SEVEN long years of weekly business travel, and in March, Kirk quit his corporate job and came home. Our business is booming, and we have been able to provide employment for 2 other men. We do what we love, helping people build or remodel their homes, and make a living at it, too!

Extended family reconciliation
We have had the wonderful and unexpected privilege of renewing some long lost relationships in our extended family. Sometimes your hope for these things grows weary, and you kind of settle. But God has surprised us with some really amazing and fresh connections with relatives, and more frequent, warm communication with our loved ones. It's never too late!

Congrats, Jessie!

Graduation
We celebrated with our youngest daughter, Jessie as she completed her Bachelor's at Appalachian State in May. She also finally landed an 8-5 real job that she loves and we are so happy for her. She will be paying off her loans and saving for the next phase of life - a new car? a house down payment? travel? We are now feeling like our active parenting is really coming to a close, and I'd say we were officially "empty-nesters" except that our house has been full of family all year! I think having your adult kids live with you for a season is a huge blessing. All of ours have done it for different periods of time and for different reasons, but we love them and love being able to help them however we can. The great thing about it is that they are now mature, they love you, and they are not dependent on your for much at all. You just love being together.

Making their baby announcement!

Dr. and Mr. Metty

Settling in NC

Moves and changes for all our kids

Our daughter-in-law Stacey also had a big graduation from UNC School of Dentistry in May, and practices in Charleston, SC. Jon and Stacey moved there over the summer, where Jon was already working at his dream job. Nathan and his wife, Mary moved back to Greensboro in June as he is back in school full time, working on an engineering degree (all the men in our family will soon be mechanical engineers!). They are expecting Emma in February and we are so excited to have another little girl to love. More baby showers...making room for another Metty!

July 20, 1985

Thirtieth Anniversary

July 20, 1985 was the day we tied the knot...and it's been a glorious 30 years full of adventure, challenge, joy, travel, lots of people and lots of love. Kirk and I went to NYC for a few days of biking, a Yankees game, sailing on the Hudson River, dining on the Upper West Side. Ours is a deep bond, he's my lover and best friend, and it's been so worth the effort to make a great marriage.

Community
Some of the little blessings have come to us through spending time with strangers. We have hosted several AirBnB guests and gotten to know people we would otherwise never meet. We participated in welcoming a Somali refugee family (of 10!) to our area and have learned so much about the great needs of refugees around the world. (Side note: if you ever feel like America is 'going to hell in a hand basket'...think again, and be grateful instead - our country is the most amazing, affluent, democratic, free, opportunity-laden and plentiful place on earth. It won't get any better than this, this side of heaven.) I have begun teaching cooking classes again, and getting to know a whole new crop of 20-somethings. And we just catered and hosted a Christmas party for 75 here at our home for all the staff and spouses at our church.

    

Celebrations

Our latest annual Gingerbread House (is it our 25th?) happened this week, and the house is filled with the sights, sounds and smells of Christmas. Every time I walk in the kitchen, I am met with the cozy aroma of gingerbread. And of course, Esther's first birthday was a week of parties and fun. She has become such a darling, always sweet, good-natured, adventurous, and smiling. There is nothing better than to see her bright eyes greet me when we see each other and for her to reach out to me. She has this way of "hugging" me where she buries her head in my chest and tucks her arms between us, just all scrunchy and cozy! And then when I get the chance to rock her to sleep, singing her favorite song softly as she dozes off...I can't think of a better way to spend 20 minutes doing nothing at all.

photo by Abby Stalsbroten

A prayer: "Thank you Jesus, for coming to earth as a vulnerable baby to bring joy and hope to a dying world. Without you, without your influence on human history, we would be a wretched people. You have brought a glint of heaven to us, and we are so grateful for your gracious gifts of love, family, home, health and joy. And of course the hope of heaven, when all things will be made right, especially for the many who have not enjoyed these things on earth. Come, Lord Jesus, come."

"Radiant beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace..." - Silent Night

Summertime, and the Livin' is Easy

  

Well, maybe not easy. My husband and his team have been slaving it out in the hot, hot Carolina sun and humidity for the past couple of weeks, and he is bronzed like a grilled turkey leg. But for me, I’m sweat-averse, so I exercise early in the morning, or ride a bicycle so there is an inherent breeze. I’ve been spending most of my time indoors, trying to re-order my life.

Since January, there has been much up-ending of my routine (as I wrote about here), although they are all happy changes. I love having our baby granddaughter and her delightful parents nearby. It has been AMAZING to have my husband home again full time. Our youngest job-hunting daughter is always a source of great conversation and joy. My sons are thriving and I'm even expecting another grand-baby in the winter from one of them. But these changes have been a tidal shift in the life I had become accustomed to for 5 years or so, even though I didn't like it. I feel a little like a military wife who has to adjust to her husband's return from deployment...my schedule is not as loose as it once was. I feel compelled to be at my husband's beck and call during the day for business purposes. I can't just throw some peanut butter on an apple and call it 'dinner.' There are people around me all the time, and alone time is a luxury once again, rather than the norm. 

Kirk and I happily celebrated 30 years of marriage last month. We went to New York City for a few days and enjoyed some focused time together. We drove, so we had a lot of time to talk in the car undistracted for hours and hours. One of the things I have become quite mindful of is everything in the previous paragraphs…all the change. I brought this up, and we spend some time discussing a restructuring. He just jumped right back into the life of a general contractor, but I had to let go of all the control and involvement to make room for him to do his job. I had been the boots-on-the-ground for several years in our home construction business, and now, finally, he was back. But my role was a little ambiguous, and I frankly didn’t know what to do with myself. I was finding that I began to be cranky, sad, and aimless. Thankfully, I had baby Esther to distract me, but when they moved into their own home in June, all this intensified.

So, we made a plan. I would devote several days a week to our business, and reserve 2 days for family, friends, ministry, chores and personal stuff. I set up an office where I could shut the door as a signal to others that I was unavailable (amazing how even with young adults, Mama seems to be the hub of activity that they gravitate to with a bowl of cereal or a book…that room is just is so much more inviting with Mom in it!). I would focus on tasks that my ‘boss’ gave me on my work days, and only set up coffee dates and lunches with friends on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A regular babysitting date was established for my daughter – I wanted to do this for her, and for the others in time, because I did not have my mother close by when I was a young mom and would have given my right arm for it!

I’ve been at this for about three weeks and it seems to be working. I am way more disciplined about my daily devotions, exercise, to-do lists, work tasks. I’m even ahead on my book club reading!

It feels good and right to be doing this in the summer. I remember when I was teacher, summer was a time of rest but come late July, I was thinking, "reset, get ready, get prepped for the school year." Our book selection this month is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and it has been perfect timing for what I am going through right now. So many great suggestions about getting a grip on life in general. 

I feel in many ways that I am entering the autumn of my life. I am getting used to be a grandmother (I mean, having the baby around is the easy part...it's the idea of being old enough to actually be a grandmother that I struggle with!), to being available to my adult kids when asked, to having long uninterrupted hours to myself, to being more intentional about my free time, to being a business owner. How did I become 54 years old so fast? I'm sure there is more personal growth to come and more change is likely. I do love autumn; I sense this is going to be a good season. 

A Spring Full of Change

Our entire family with both sets of grandparents

I just noticed that my last post was February 19th, and it seems like a year's worth of exciting changes have taken place in that 3 month period. I am so full of blessing right now,  I could burst. I know that these sweet seasons of life don't always last for long, so I am committed to savoring this one. I have a tendency to let myself feel guilty when I am experiencing good things, because I know so many people are struggling. But I have also been in those tough seasons, and when life is good, it can be a time of sharing and letting your overflow lift others up. So I hope that someone will be encouraged as they read about our spring.

We welcomed our first grandbaby, Esther into the family in December, born in Seattle. We were delighted to learn that her parents planned to move to North Carolina in April. I was able to take another trip to Washington to help them move (aka, hold Esther while they packed and loaded the truck). I. Can. Not. Imagine - being here while Esther grows up in another state. I know that this is a likelihood in my future (that at least some of my future grandkids will live far away) but from the time I first held her, I've known about them moving here so I've always felt pretty relaxed about not having to say goodbye. Esther is a sweet, sweet baby who smiles and laughs easily and is just incredibly cute all the time. I love having her in my home so much. And of course her mama and daddy.

Love having ALL my kids here!

About the same time we were welcoming our daughter's family, my husband had a huge breakthrough in his extended family relationships. I don't want to go into details on this public forum, but suffice it to say that 35 years of struggle has become a delightful and blessing-filled relationship. The joy and relief related to this reconciliation is beyond words. It has taught us both that nothing is ever impossible, it is never too late, and hope for any situation is always a possibility. It has given me hope for many other situations.

Motorcycle ride on the Blue Ridge Parkway

And after 7 years of travel and trying to hold our building business together, Kirk was able to leave his corporate engineering job and come back to our company full-time. We have had an unprecedented spring in terms of contacts and leads, so much so that leaving his j-o-b was a no-brainer. I have not seen my husband so happy getting dirty and sweaty all day for so, so long. He wakes up at 5:30 every morning excited to put his hands to the work he loves so much, and then sleeps deeply and peacefully every night. I love so much having him home, cooking for him, taking walks with him, watching him work. We are like newlyweds again and spend every minute together we can.

       

Another family dinner

Our sons have both moved on to new phases of their lives as well. Our older son and his freshly minted dentist of a wife have bought their first home in their new city. Our younger son and his wife are moving this week to a new town where he will return to school to pick up a second degree. Big decisions for both of them, but it is so rewarding to see them growing into such fine men.

ASU graduation

And our baby girl graduated from college Mother's Day weekend. She is temporarily living at home as she looks for a job, but we love having her delightful self around.

Good and deep lifetime friendships abound. We are in good health. Our vehicles are running well. We have more than enough in so many areas of our lives. Our home has been full of visitors this spring, and we have hosted so many interesting people. I was reading through our guest book the other day and reflecting on the privilege of hosting the world here for overnight stays and meals. Our guests have been from South Africa, Scotland, California, Poland, Nashville, Washington, New Hampshire, Italy, Swaziland, New York City, Korea, Uganda, Texas, Florida, and on and on. Students, professors, pastors, worship leaders, missionaries, orphans, families, friends old and new. This is certainly one area where it is possible to let this overflow spill out to bring refreshment to others. So many people need a restful, quiet place to recharge, and we can provide this.

I am grateful.

Esther and The Guv'nah

Separation Anxiety

Son, Nathan and Mary's wedding in May

Separation anxiety is a term we hear often when we are talking about babies and toddlers. Or maybe even our dogs. But have you ever heard a mature fifty-something mom say that SHE suffers from it?

Well, that would be me. I am admitting it. I struggle with being separated from my kids. I have been trying to cope with these feelings for years. Gosh, I even cried when we dropped our first-born off at her dorm in 2005, which was only 15 miles away. There have been numerous times since then that I've hugged them goodbye and wished them well. And then gotten in the car and sobbed. 

I loved being a mom. Still do, but I loved raising kids. Having babies, then toddlers, then children, then teens. Introducing them to the world bit by bit - roses, hummingbirds, sandcastles, the solar system. Teaching them to read and ride a bicycle and cook. Taking them camping and introducing them to new cultures.  I loved making pancakes and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and mac and cheese. I loved snuggling with them, and being adored by them. I remember telling my little boys after smothering them with kisses, that one day their faces would be covered with prickly whiskers and they wouldn't want to kiss me anymore. They couldn't imagine that. 

 

Easter 1993

But little by little they gain distance from their mama. First they crawl into another room, then play at the neighbor's. Before you know it, they are staying overnight at a friend's house, going away to camp for a week, and working their first job. Then dorm life and their first apartment. Thankfully, it happens gradually! And although growth is natural and healthy, and you know in the back of your mind that their separation from you is coming, it is not easy. I always cringe a little when I hear moms wishing for the day when their kids are gone and they can get "their life" back. Or wishing for some new stage of development, ostensibly saying they don't like the one they're in. But that stage is fleeting and they will never be a newborn, 4 or 16 years old again. My encouragement is always to remind them how quickly it passes, and like some old sage tell them to relish the moments.

                 

Home school, need I say more?

Living abroad in Italy

Spring 2007

Ebey's Landing, WA

With Abby in Seattle, 2010

I will talk about my eldest, Abby, because this one has been the most challenging in terms of my separation anxiety. Like many oldest girls, she was a compliant and easy child, eager to please and easy to get along with. She was like another mom to the other kids at times, and incredibly responsible. As she grew into young adulthood we became friends. We wanted her to express her desire to travel and use the gifts she had to affect the world, and I knew in the back of my mind she would live far away from me one day. She spent a semester in New York City after high school, and that was a tough moment of separation for both of us. And then she moved into a dorm in the college town nearby. Although I knew I could see her often if I wanted to, I thought it was the healthy thing to give her lots of space, and come to me when she wanted to. She became a beautiful and confident young woman, and developed skill in her chosen profession, photography. Upon graduation she ventured out to the west coast to accept a newspaper internship with The Oregonian.  Little did I know that day she drove away in her Honda, that she was vanishing from my everyday (or at least every-week) life. No longer was she nearby and available for an impromptu dinner invite or a coffee date. She wasn't even in a similar time zone, so that even phone dates were difficult to schedule. But I "endured" (I'm really sounding melodramatic now) those three months, secretly hoping she would make her way back to the east coast.

But it wasn't to be. She took a job with a non-profit in Seattle. And she fell in love with Seattle. And then she fell in love IN Seattle. At times, I almost couldn't believe she was falling in love and I couldn't be witness to their budding romance. She was so great about sharing much of it over the phone, but it still wasn't the same as being there. Here she was, one of my closest friends, and I  had only met her boy once! They married and settled into a new apartment with all their wedding gifts. And it was dawning on me that she wasn't coming back. 

There were many tearful conversations about this. Sometimes she hadn't felt included about some family information. More often, I was the one feeling badly that she was far away from me. We had many heart-to-hearts, and shared a lot of emotion over it. I still tear up sometimes when I think about this life change. When we are visiting each other, I feel pressure to make every minute count, and I'm sure I am passing that stress on to her. 

Abby and Dave

But I've recently had an epiphany (or two). I took a step back and saw that Abby's first 18 years were only preparation for her life to come. As her mom, I had the privilege of being the one to shape her and contribute a huge amount of influence. But that was not her life. Her mature life was to come after, what it was all building up to. I had sunk so much emotion into those formative years, that I lost sight of the goal. And instead of rejoicing in a great outcome to all those years of preparation and prayer, I was loathing the very thing I had hoped for her. 

The other thing I realized was that she has been called to Seattle. She loves everything about that city and the Pacific Northwest. Not everyone does. I love living here in North Carolina. Not everyone does. So she has planted there, and is flourishing. Not to say that God may move them elsewhere in the future, but for now, this is where she is best fulfilling the call of God on her life. What more could a parent want? 

And so, I feel like I am beginning to heal from my separation anxiety, and release her into her destiny. She may never have felt fully released, and then never have been able to realize her full potential in that place, if I don't actually let her go.

I do have three other kids, also young adults in different phases of life and distances from home. Both my sons are now married, and my youngest daughter is still in college. This has helped make this little season of change easier, but there have been many tears associated with the cutting of those apron strings, too. 

I am so thankful that while my kids were growing up I cultivated a life independent from them. I have so many other relationships, interests and pursuits that keep me occupied. I would exhort all young moms out there to be careful not to make your children your only pursuit. It should be a priority, but not the only thing you do. You will be a virtual basket case when they leave home! Invest in your marriage, a career, hobbies, friendships, philanthropy, and/or your education. 

And my husband has played a huge role in my 'healing.' If we didn't have such a fun, vibrant relationship, I'm sure this would all be a million times more difficult. I'm so glad we took the time to invest in our marriage, because that's how all this child-rearing came to be in the first place! We knew someday it would be back to just the two of us, and that time is upon us. I remember listening to this song as a young mom, and thinking it was so far off: "...but Baby, what will we do, when it comes back to me and you? They look a little less like little boys everyday. And the pleasure of watching the children growing, is mixed with a bitter cup, of knowing the water-colored ponies will one day ride away." - Wayne Watson, Water-Colored Ponies  

I'm glad we know what to do - we're riding motorcycles, taking long walks, dancing in the kitchen, sharing a glass of wine and cooking to French Cafe Radio on Pandora. 

ANOTHER engagement!

I know! It is absolutely crazy! I guess this is what our parents were thinking when all of our kids were born - bam-bam-bam. Three of them in just 3 years or so, the first of which was a "honeymoon baby." :)

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my three oldest, stair-step children are all getting married within 18 months of each other. It's just head-spinning, mind-boggling, wallet splitting fun! I'm so excited for each of them...let me brag on them and their significant others for a few minutes...


I'll introduce you to Nathan and Mary first, since their big engagement news is the headline of this post and the most recent development. Nate (as apparently he is only called at home) is Metty #3, born in Rome, Italy in 1989 while we were on assignment with Texas Instruments. (My husband had the privilege of working on a team of talented engineers who designed and built a $400 million "wafer fab" (computer chips) in the mountains of central Italy. That assignment plays into the story later on...) Nate is a senior Industrial Design major at Appalachian State University, where he met dear Mary years ago. She is also graduating soon with a degree in Early Childhood Development. She's a tall, blonde beauty with a kind and thoughtful heart. She's from here in North Carolina, and we just love her to bits. Nate is simultaneously two years into his 8 year commitment with the Army National Guard, and is presently missing the first 6 weeks of his senior year for training! He's blowing stuff up and loving it, though he misses his sweet Mary. They are planning an outdoor wedding in May.

Twenty-three years ago, when Nate was born, the Italian chemists that were assisting TI with their project in Avezzano gave us a gift for "il piccolo bambino." It was a beautiful gold ladies' bracelet with a place for engraving. My husband told them, "but the baby is a boy." They promptly replied that it was for his wife someday. So I've had this gorgeous piece in my jewelry box for all these years. Each time I saw it over the years, I thought about who would wear it one day, wondered when that would be and said a little prayer for her. So a few weeks ago when Nate ordered a stunning diamond ring, I began making plans to give this bracelet to Mary as well. I had the word Paziente (patience in Italian) engraved on the front, and their wedding date on the back. Patience marks their relationship in many ways, but I thought it was a significant word for me, too, as I've waited for my son to blossom into maturity and take on a family of his own. He as well has practiced a great deal of patience waiting for Mary to love him as he has loved her for so, so long. He's loved her since he met her, but they both dated others throughout college. He told me that he had always subconsciously measured the others with Mary as his standard. Love IS patient. 

I took a little road trip last Wednesday, and took Mary out to lunch. After we ordered our drinks, Mary thanked me for taking her to lunch, "Well, this is really nice. Thank you for taking me out today!" I promptly told her that I had a reason why I traveled three hours to take her to lunch, and I began to tell her the story of the bracelet. I told her that I had been praying for her for 23 years, and it's been so amazing to see what God has brought to us! It was such a rewarding time to be able to finally give that bracelet to the woman God had been preparing for our son. He had been preparing both of them for this moment with each other, both mature young adults, ready to take on the responsibilities of committing their lives to each other.

I wish that I had a story like that for each of my kids, but Nate was the only one given a gift like that at birth. But it sure makes me want to do it for my grandkids.

However, the idea of legacy has resonated with me for a long time, perhaps because of the gold bracelet. I've been collecting little things for my daughters and saving things for them passed on to me from my mother. And I've paid attention to the crazy family stories of generations past, and repeated them to my kids. And I've put aside things for my sons wives, and saved the sentimental things for them, because I know men don't appreciate things like that.

Jon, our oldest son and second-born, married lovely Stacey last December. I wrote all about that here. He was the first to get married, and there was a wide range and flood of emotions tied to that happy event. Stacey is a wonderful young woman, tender hearted yet strong, absolutely perfectly suited to Jon. They're both adventurous, energetic, and wildly interested in the world around them. Both are still in school full time (dental school for her, engineering school for him). She is strong where he is weak and vice versa. They serve God together and have great vision for their future together. I love the woman God brought to Jon.

I had been keeping something for Stacey as well for many years, though not as dramatic a story as Nate's bracelet. I wanted to give something to Jon's wife someday, too, so I kept my eyes and ears open when he was a small boy to try and find the thing that was special to him. Little boys adore their mothers for a few years, and I treasured the times my sons told me I was pretty. (Oh man, I'm tearing up thinking about those snuggly moments with those cherub-faced little three year olds...) I remember Jon telling me he liked a particular necklace I would wear often, a silver chain with a sapphire cross that my uncle had given me as a girl. After Jon put a diamond on Stacey's finger, I took her to lunch as well, and gave her the beginnings of a charm bracelet, with the cross attached, and welcomed her into our ever-growing family. We had spent a week together on a missions trip a few months before, and were beginning to bond. I'm so happy to have more sons and daughters!

Our oldest, Abby, became Mrs. Dave Stalsbroten in a backyard ceremony under a canopy of trees on a beautiful spring day. I didn't have a special bracelet for Dave, but I'm sure he doesn't mind. I did give him a really cool Piggly Wiggly t-shirt that he says has been a ticket to fame in Seattle! But again, what an awesome guy, just a huge expression of love from our wonderful God. Abby was enjoying a great job, a great new city with all the new adventures related to both, and God just absolutely surprised her with a fast-paced romance. I think it was only a date or two before they both realized this is what they had been waiting so patiently for. Such a beautiful thing to see your kids come together like that. One of the most special times I remember with Dave was when he called (from Nicaragua - he spent 15 months there serving a non-profit) to talk to us about marrying Abby. We talked small talk for an hour before he got down to business. He said that he loved Abby very much and she was what he had been waiting for and could he have our blessing on popping the big question? Dave works in the health insurance industry, for a company with some innovative concepts. They are both creative people and dream of having a business together someday. They take full advantage of their beautiful surroundings in Seattle and spend lots of time outdoors.

We have our youngest, Jessie (who has made an pact with a friend that if they are both single at 35 they'll marry each other, but I don't anticipate that really happening. And anyway, 35 is a really long way off and he wants a bracelet, but we're fresh out), who is contentedly enjoying her life as a college sophomore. All this family change has been tough sometimes emotionally. The biggest thing she and I have discussed is the huge shift in loyalties. The big brothers that you hang out with and get so close to, and feel like YOU are their special girl, suddenly find another special girl, and it's tough! But she is getting to enjoy only child status for a while, which she's never gotten to experience, and we're making the most of this unique time in our lives. It won't be long before I'll be writing about the man who stole our baby's heart...

So...Wedding Number Three - here we come!