Becoming Nana

Everything they say about it is true...being a grandmother is pretty great. I'm new at this, since December 10th, but so far I'm quite smitten with that little bundle of joy, that warm little loaf of bread. Tiny Esther is just perfect, and she loves to be snuggled and she hardly cries, and it's all just delightful. I've been blessed to have visited with her for 3 out of her 5 weeks of life, and I'm missing her like crazy now that I'm home.

 She slept through her first bath, and then
promptly pooped in her clean towel! 

Tiny delicate perfect fingers... 

...and toes!

These first few weeks have been pretty challenging for Abby and Dave; Esther's been a champion sleeper, pooper, eater and all-around A+ newborn. But her entrance into this world was anything but smooth. Abby had a long labor, and 5.5 hours of pushing, only to have an emergency situation at the very end with a ruptured umbilical cord and hemorrhaging. The midwife literally saved her life. She's had to be diligent about fluid intake and rest because of this trauma and all the demands of labor, delivery, postpartum care and breastfeeding. The emotional toll on Dave has been rough as well, as he stood helplessly watching as his wife began to lose consciousness and his baby's life was in danger. We all thank God daily for sparing Abby and Esther's lives, and bringing them home to be cared for, safe and sound. Dave's doctor/nurse parents are so wonderful and cared for Abby, too, checking her blood pressure and watching over her very carefully those first few days.

Because of all this, I couldn't wait to get out to Seattle and do whatever was needed for them...it was pure joy to tiptoe into their room early each morning when Dave texted my cue, and take Esther for some Nana time. We sat together and sang, prayed and chatted about life for a few hours while Mama and Daddy slept. Then I'd change her diaper, place her in her mother's arms for a feeding, make breakfast, and do some laundry. When Abby got Esther back to sleep, she'd get up for a few minutes and I'd change her sheets and make their bed so she'd have a fresh place to spend the day - total bed rest for over a week, midwife's orders! I spent long hours sitting with Abby and Esther on her bed just talking, rubbing her feet, watching Jimmy Fallon videos and just having a lovely, restful time getting to know the baby. I put away lots of baby gifts, re-arranged the abundant food from friends in the frig, went to the grocery store and brought lattes and pastries back from the local coffee shop. I even walked Butter a few times...but she was a turd most of the time. She even had the nerve to strain her ACL (can that even happen to dogs???) on a run with Dave, and we had to send her to Bestemor's house in Anacortes to recover without being all up in the middle of Abby's recovery. Bestemor and Farfar...that's Norwegian for Grandma and Grandpa Stalsbroten. :)

I took a red-eye December 23rd, staying a few more days than planned because Abby just wasn't up and around yet, and arrived home in time to hit the ground running on Christmas Eve. My family here made sure to have all our traditions in place, taking over all my 'duties' to make it special. I just love them all. My husband and youngest daughter and I were able to return to Seattle to celebrate Esther's dedication to God at church last week. If course, they are in love, too. J-Nasty and The Guvnah, apparently. We'll see. 

                   

I sewed a dress for Esther's church dedication service, made from pieces of three wedding dresses: Abby's, Dave's mom's, and mine. It was a special weekend with the extended family and so great to see that Abby was up and around and almost back to her old self. Esther is a much loved baby, with a wonderful heritage of family. She is named after her paternal great-grandmother, who was an incredible woman, missionary and overcomer. 

Everyone commented about what a superwoman Abby was through that lengthy childbirth experience. She did it all without any drugs, and even endured a life-threatening situation like a champ. I am so, so proud of her, of the amazing woman she has become, and I admire her greatly. She has been so faithful to take care of herself, so she can take care of her baby, and has obeyed midwives' orders religiously. She is a great mom already! And it is sheer joy to see what a loving father and husband Dave is. I feel full to overflowing when I see how God has taken care of my family in so many ways.

Nana, Mama and Esther

Bart

We knew it was coming. Three of our kids have gotten married since December 2011, so it was just a matter of time, and apparently now is the time...the next generation is on its way! We are going to be grandparents!

Our daughter, Abby and her husband Dave are expecting a girl in early December and we are so excited. She suffered a miscarriage back in the fall of last year, and she wrote about her experience here. So with each month that passed, we were hopeful with her and Dave that there would be new life. She happened to be visiting us here when she took the pregnancy test in late March that revealed a little magic + sign, and we were cautiously optimistic. That was a really special moment for Abby and me, and then because her sister and dad were home then, too, she shared it with them. They kept it under wraps from most until she made it through the first 12 weeks. She's had a pretty easy time of it so far, so there wasn't any morning sickness to have to explain away to her friends.

My husband immediately started referring to the baby as "Bart" for no apparent reason, and continued for months to insist it was a boy (boy, was he ever wrong). And we've had lots of fun with the name game, since it won't be us naming the baby. Back when Bart was in fashion, we thought they could name him Bart Orca Samson Stalsbroten and then his initials would be BOSS. Abby has a fascination with orcas, so we thought that might work. Maybe Baby #2.

"Woman with a baby"

Our family went to the beach together for a few days at the end of May, and Abby decided to share the news with her brothers and their wives then. We took clandestine photos of the belly. And Abby's, too. Somehow Dave can poke his belly out so far, even though he sports a healthy six-pack most of the time!

I'll be Nana, I think, but Kirk is still pondering what he wants to be called. For years, he thought it would be cool to be called The Gov'nah. I keep thinking he should be Pops. Or Poppy. Now he's got it in his head to be The Boss. We'll see.

I know people have babies all the time, but I am just so amazed at the prospect of another generation. Of our people. Adding more people to the family. Multiplying the love. To think that your baby is having a baby...it's a wonder. I've prayed for this little girl as she is growing and changing everyday, and it's so fun to hear about all of Abby's experiences. She and I are sharing a unique experience. Jessie will come in time, surely. But for now, Abby is feeling all that stuff I felt 28+ years ago with her. She's been great about sending photos and telling me about feeling Baby Girl move and kick.

Can't wait to dress that little darlin' up!

We've been feeling for a while that we were "ready" for grandkids. These are the hopes we've shared as we look forward to this phase of life:

• Little ones running around our house, getting into our pantry and making messes
• Making bread and pasta and cookies together
• Carting the kids around in our yard trailer on the back of our mower
• Babies, toddlers, preschoolers and children curled up on our laps, reading all our incredible children's books again and again
• Early morning snuggles and bedtime prayers
• Camping in the backyard
• Nana Camp, and giving Mom and Dad a break for a week or so each summer
• Hearing the kids ask "tell me the story of when..." and then watching my husband spin some exaggerated version of the truth
• Building a tree house
• Introducing them to all the things we love... the beach, sewing, nature hikes, thunderstorms, the workshop, riding bikes, and fall in the mountains
• And, sharing faith with another generation!

Preparing your Kids for Adulthood

I just finished reading another blog written by a stay-at-home-mom about the challenges of living on one income. I wrote about this in our lives, too. I am thankful that my husband worked hard and studied engineering, for it has made him a marketable employee, and afforded us the opportunity to live comfortably on just his paycheck. I also prepared for a professional career and it was sufficient to support me as a single woman during that phase of my life. I appreciate our parents edging us along in these directions. In generations past, this was common. Parents didn't feel their job was to help their kids discover themselves; it was a more pragmatic task of getting them out the door and employable!

I would like to talk to Moms and Dads about helping your children prepare for their adult life in this very practical way. I hear very little about this job that parents have, instead hearing about the day to day struggles that we all seemed to drown in, and thus losing focus on the big picture. The big picture is this: your children are born into your family and stay with you for about 18-20 years, and then leave you to lead their own homes. Their time in your home is all too brief (as I have written about here) but it is easy for young parents to feel like it might last forever due to sheer exhaustion. If you don't keep the big picture in mind, you will miss opportunities to help shape your children's career choices and thus their ability to support themselves financially.

Most Christian parents are well aware of their duty to help shape their kids' spiritual lives, and we are quite intentional about that. That is good. But there is another job we have that is quite important, too.

One of our main jobs as parents is to help our kids know what they want to do with their lives, how they can earn a living and be responsible, capable, independent adults. I know I am going to step on some toes here, but encouraging (and then paying for) your children to go to college and major in something that has absolutely no direct correlation to preparing them for a career is irresponsible parenting. By the time your sons and daughters leave home, for work or college, they should know a few things about themselves and about the world:

• What are my gifts and talents? What am I really good at?
• What do I love doing? What energizes me?
• Am I introverted or extroverted (or a little of both) and what bearing does that have on my career options/choices?
• Do I know what hard work really is?
• What careers are available to me with my interests?
• Is there a way for me to mesh the things I enjoy doing with a way to earn money?
• What do I need to do to prepare myself for the marketplace?
• What experiences can I gain to make me more marketable?
• Is this career I'm considering a solid one with a good future, and adequate pay? 

Jessie at one of her retail jobs

     

Abby is a journalist

Our sons 'working' for us

The sad tale of scores of unemployed (and maybe unemployable) university graduates is a serious one. So many of our kids' friends have never had a job of any kind, and yet have traveled the world and hold a bachelor's degree in...something...maybe grad school would help? So more debt is incurred, still with the student wondering what they will do with their lives. They continue to live on the generosity of their parents, and postpone serious relationships and marriage, because they haven't really grown up. 

It's a real dog-eat-dog world out there; the world is not impressed with your young adult's amazing summer in China if it does not make the potential employer's company more profitable. 

Parents must not coddle their teens in this area. Let them enjoy being a teen, but help them transition to the work world by requiring them to get a part-time job. Help them understand what it takes to be independent by asking them to pay for their own car insurance and gas. Encourage them to make good financial decisions by helping them budget their money. By the time they graduate from high school, they should have some years of work experience, lots of confidence and some savings. This will put them miles ahead of many of their peers. 

It's difficult to lead your family this way, especially if their friends at school and church aren't raised this way. I can remember many a tough conversation with our kids about why we wouldn't pay for their insurance or their phones, and those conversations always ended with, "I am responsible to stand before God for how I raised you, not so-and-so's parents."

Bankruptcy is not an option!

So parents, embrace this God-given role and help your kids find what they are good at, passionate about and interested in. Lead them in making a good career choice and a plan to prepare for it. It is possible to live on just one income, but it needs to be sufficient income to support a new household. 

And if you are one of those students whose parents didn't help you in this way, find someone who will mentor you. This list for 20-somethings was great, and includes a lot of the things mentioned in this post. If you didn't take these life lessons away from your parents, then now is the time to make them yours.