Times of Refreshing

This year, 2015, has turned out to be just we were hoping for...a year of renewal, refreshing, and spiritual rest. Our first grandbaby, Esther, just celebrated her first birthday last week. She came into the world just as ours was taking a dramatic turn for the better. I have been tempted at times to feel guilty for all this abundance, but I have been reminded to just bask in it, soak it in, and give thanks. There are times of suffering and times of blessing in life, and we must praise God no matter what. 

As I reflect on 2015, I am reminded of some highlights...

Esther & Fam
Esther was born at the end of 2014, and there were several cross-country visits to see her in her early months. But then, Esther, her trusty pooch, Butter and their lovely parents moved to North Carolina and lived in our basement apartment for 3 months! And, as if it couldn't get any better, they bought their first home just 25 SHORT minutes from my home. It has been so amazingly wonderful to live close to my sweet eldest daughter and her family...moments I've longed for since she moved to the west coast 6 years ago. Visits over coffee, long chats in front of my fireplace, frequent dinners together, getting to know her fantastic husband, dog-sitting the grand-dog, worshiping alongside them. My heart would be full even if this were the only good thing that happened this year, but alas, God had so much more in store...

Doing what he loves

The End of the Recession

We went into 2015 expecting great things. We were hoping our suspicions were correct, that the slump in the housing market was coming to an end, and my husband could come back to our family residential contracting business full time. We have prayed and believed for that dream during SEVEN long years of weekly business travel, and in March, Kirk quit his corporate job and came home. Our business is booming, and we have been able to provide employment for 2 other men. We do what we love, helping people build or remodel their homes, and make a living at it, too!

Extended family reconciliation
We have had the wonderful and unexpected privilege of renewing some long lost relationships in our extended family. Sometimes your hope for these things grows weary, and you kind of settle. But God has surprised us with some really amazing and fresh connections with relatives, and more frequent, warm communication with our loved ones. It's never too late!

Congrats, Jessie!

Graduation
We celebrated with our youngest daughter, Jessie as she completed her Bachelor's at Appalachian State in May. She also finally landed an 8-5 real job that she loves and we are so happy for her. She will be paying off her loans and saving for the next phase of life - a new car? a house down payment? travel? We are now feeling like our active parenting is really coming to a close, and I'd say we were officially "empty-nesters" except that our house has been full of family all year! I think having your adult kids live with you for a season is a huge blessing. All of ours have done it for different periods of time and for different reasons, but we love them and love being able to help them however we can. The great thing about it is that they are now mature, they love you, and they are not dependent on your for much at all. You just love being together.

Making their baby announcement!

Dr. and Mr. Metty

Settling in NC

Moves and changes for all our kids

Our daughter-in-law Stacey also had a big graduation from UNC School of Dentistry in May, and practices in Charleston, SC. Jon and Stacey moved there over the summer, where Jon was already working at his dream job. Nathan and his wife, Mary moved back to Greensboro in June as he is back in school full time, working on an engineering degree (all the men in our family will soon be mechanical engineers!). They are expecting Emma in February and we are so excited to have another little girl to love. More baby showers...making room for another Metty!

July 20, 1985

Thirtieth Anniversary

July 20, 1985 was the day we tied the knot...and it's been a glorious 30 years full of adventure, challenge, joy, travel, lots of people and lots of love. Kirk and I went to NYC for a few days of biking, a Yankees game, sailing on the Hudson River, dining on the Upper West Side. Ours is a deep bond, he's my lover and best friend, and it's been so worth the effort to make a great marriage.

Community
Some of the little blessings have come to us through spending time with strangers. We have hosted several AirBnB guests and gotten to know people we would otherwise never meet. We participated in welcoming a Somali refugee family (of 10!) to our area and have learned so much about the great needs of refugees around the world. (Side note: if you ever feel like America is 'going to hell in a hand basket'...think again, and be grateful instead - our country is the most amazing, affluent, democratic, free, opportunity-laden and plentiful place on earth. It won't get any better than this, this side of heaven.) I have begun teaching cooking classes again, and getting to know a whole new crop of 20-somethings. And we just catered and hosted a Christmas party for 75 here at our home for all the staff and spouses at our church.

    

Celebrations

Our latest annual Gingerbread House (is it our 25th?) happened this week, and the house is filled with the sights, sounds and smells of Christmas. Every time I walk in the kitchen, I am met with the cozy aroma of gingerbread. And of course, Esther's first birthday was a week of parties and fun. She has become such a darling, always sweet, good-natured, adventurous, and smiling. There is nothing better than to see her bright eyes greet me when we see each other and for her to reach out to me. She has this way of "hugging" me where she buries her head in my chest and tucks her arms between us, just all scrunchy and cozy! And then when I get the chance to rock her to sleep, singing her favorite song softly as she dozes off...I can't think of a better way to spend 20 minutes doing nothing at all.

photo by Abby Stalsbroten

A prayer: "Thank you Jesus, for coming to earth as a vulnerable baby to bring joy and hope to a dying world. Without you, without your influence on human history, we would be a wretched people. You have brought a glint of heaven to us, and we are so grateful for your gracious gifts of love, family, home, health and joy. And of course the hope of heaven, when all things will be made right, especially for the many who have not enjoyed these things on earth. Come, Lord Jesus, come."

"Radiant beams from thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace..." - Silent Night

Friendships, Old & New

I have been pondering the importance of my friendships with women lately...good ones that span decades are so rare in our day and age, and I treasure those that have stood the test of time. And I'm not talking about my Facebook friendships. Real ones. Ones that sit and cry with you when you suffer loss or are struggling. Ladies that rejoice with you when good things happen in your family. Friends that are on the same page in life, marriage, faith and family. God has given me several people like this and each one is a treasure to be carefully guarded. My friend Becca is one of these people. She has TEN kids, is a gifted wife, mom and friend to many. (You can have a lovely peek into how she does it here.) Her oldest daughter and my youngest daughter are besties for life. They are both in college now, and Becca and I miss our girls all the time...they have become our good friends as they have matured.

Ellie, Mary Kate, & Caroline

But she's got lots more kiddos at home still, and these three lovelies round out the female contingent of their tribe. When my kids (and I only have 4) were younger, Becca and I were both home schooling. She is still in the thick of it with the last 4 or 5 children, but mine are all out of the house and in college or married. Our families have known each other a long, long time, and I love that these girls wanted to come and hang out with me while their parents were out of town. We had a little sleepover and had some fun learning new things. I felt like a home school mom again! I guess in a way, I was their substitute teacher for the day.

When they arrived, it was close to dinner time, so we commenced making pasta. With me, everything is a learning opportunity (our home school motto was "Always Learning!" and we were constantly repeating that phrase, much to our children's chagrin, I'm sure) so I thought making pasta would be a fun and practical way to make dinner together. I've written about making pasta several times on this blog, so I won't go into the details, but just share these fun photos of our floury adventure.

Mary Kate learned some knife skills and helped make a filling. Ellie and Caroline became pretty adept at shaping, filling, sealing and cutting ravioli and tortellini.

    

Bedtime, and 8-year-old Mary Kate made herself a little perch, like the princess that she is. No fear at all about sleeping in a new place, in a big bed all by herself! She just got out her Bible, set a lamp on the bed and settled herself in. In the morning, she made up her bed and left the room spotless. I noticed that she enjoyed most of the treats in the "Welcome" basket, too. ;)

In the morning, we had breakfast together, and started working on a little bit of schoolwork. It was mostly fun, though, and we decided that we covered the following subjects:

• Home Economics (pasta making, knife skills, crochet lesson)
• PE (we walked around Pittsboro from our lunch venue to the building permit office in the COLD)
• Math (we had to calculate the egg-flour ratio per person)
• Writing (I had the girls write guest posts for this blog about their experiences - see below!)
• Creative Arts (I am getting ready to start construction on a new home for our neighborhood, so Caroline, Ellie and Mary Kate each made a plan for the exterior finishes, choosing siding, windows, stone, roof shingles and paint colors)
• Italian (we discussed culture and language and learned a few new words like macchina di pasta, al dente, and molto bene! As you will see below, the concept of al dente - 'to the tooth' made a huge impression!)

Here is what the girls had to say about making pasta:

"I didn't think making pasta was so fun if you don't know what you're doing. Having Mrs. Metty guide me and my siblings through all the steps made me enjoy cooking so much more. I loved making the dough for the pasta and putting it in the pasta machine. The best part was eating it! It wasn't crunchy or soggy but just right! I don't think I have ever eaten better pasta before!"

"My favorite thing about making pasta was sending the dough through the machine. It took a while for me to get it right but soon it got more fun. The ravioli was really fun. I liked the part when you wrapped it up in the dough. It tasted fantastic especially when Mrs. Metty put the oil on it. I am soooo glad I got to make it with Mrs. Metty. She is such a good cook." (aw, thanks!)

"My favorite thing I liked about making pasta was that the ravioli was sweet and noodle-y. The thing I liked about the pasta was it had a little bite to it and it was just so, so good. All of it was so good."

I have a chalkboard wall in my bonus room and invited the girls to clean it up and leave a new message...I love what they decided to write! 

I loved getting to know these three darlings just a little bit more on this visit. I feel like their Auntie, and they have enriched my life!

ANOTHER engagement!

I know! It is absolutely crazy! I guess this is what our parents were thinking when all of our kids were born - bam-bam-bam. Three of them in just 3 years or so, the first of which was a "honeymoon baby." :)

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my three oldest, stair-step children are all getting married within 18 months of each other. It's just head-spinning, mind-boggling, wallet splitting fun! I'm so excited for each of them...let me brag on them and their significant others for a few minutes...


I'll introduce you to Nathan and Mary first, since their big engagement news is the headline of this post and the most recent development. Nate (as apparently he is only called at home) is Metty #3, born in Rome, Italy in 1989 while we were on assignment with Texas Instruments. (My husband had the privilege of working on a team of talented engineers who designed and built a $400 million "wafer fab" (computer chips) in the mountains of central Italy. That assignment plays into the story later on...) Nate is a senior Industrial Design major at Appalachian State University, where he met dear Mary years ago. She is also graduating soon with a degree in Early Childhood Development. She's a tall, blonde beauty with a kind and thoughtful heart. She's from here in North Carolina, and we just love her to bits. Nate is simultaneously two years into his 8 year commitment with the Army National Guard, and is presently missing the first 6 weeks of his senior year for training! He's blowing stuff up and loving it, though he misses his sweet Mary. They are planning an outdoor wedding in May.

Twenty-three years ago, when Nate was born, the Italian chemists that were assisting TI with their project in Avezzano gave us a gift for "il piccolo bambino." It was a beautiful gold ladies' bracelet with a place for engraving. My husband told them, "but the baby is a boy." They promptly replied that it was for his wife someday. So I've had this gorgeous piece in my jewelry box for all these years. Each time I saw it over the years, I thought about who would wear it one day, wondered when that would be and said a little prayer for her. So a few weeks ago when Nate ordered a stunning diamond ring, I began making plans to give this bracelet to Mary as well. I had the word Paziente (patience in Italian) engraved on the front, and their wedding date on the back. Patience marks their relationship in many ways, but I thought it was a significant word for me, too, as I've waited for my son to blossom into maturity and take on a family of his own. He as well has practiced a great deal of patience waiting for Mary to love him as he has loved her for so, so long. He's loved her since he met her, but they both dated others throughout college. He told me that he had always subconsciously measured the others with Mary as his standard. Love IS patient. 

I took a little road trip last Wednesday, and took Mary out to lunch. After we ordered our drinks, Mary thanked me for taking her to lunch, "Well, this is really nice. Thank you for taking me out today!" I promptly told her that I had a reason why I traveled three hours to take her to lunch, and I began to tell her the story of the bracelet. I told her that I had been praying for her for 23 years, and it's been so amazing to see what God has brought to us! It was such a rewarding time to be able to finally give that bracelet to the woman God had been preparing for our son. He had been preparing both of them for this moment with each other, both mature young adults, ready to take on the responsibilities of committing their lives to each other.

I wish that I had a story like that for each of my kids, but Nate was the only one given a gift like that at birth. But it sure makes me want to do it for my grandkids.

However, the idea of legacy has resonated with me for a long time, perhaps because of the gold bracelet. I've been collecting little things for my daughters and saving things for them passed on to me from my mother. And I've paid attention to the crazy family stories of generations past, and repeated them to my kids. And I've put aside things for my sons wives, and saved the sentimental things for them, because I know men don't appreciate things like that.

Jon, our oldest son and second-born, married lovely Stacey last December. I wrote all about that here. He was the first to get married, and there was a wide range and flood of emotions tied to that happy event. Stacey is a wonderful young woman, tender hearted yet strong, absolutely perfectly suited to Jon. They're both adventurous, energetic, and wildly interested in the world around them. Both are still in school full time (dental school for her, engineering school for him). She is strong where he is weak and vice versa. They serve God together and have great vision for their future together. I love the woman God brought to Jon.

I had been keeping something for Stacey as well for many years, though not as dramatic a story as Nate's bracelet. I wanted to give something to Jon's wife someday, too, so I kept my eyes and ears open when he was a small boy to try and find the thing that was special to him. Little boys adore their mothers for a few years, and I treasured the times my sons told me I was pretty. (Oh man, I'm tearing up thinking about those snuggly moments with those cherub-faced little three year olds...) I remember Jon telling me he liked a particular necklace I would wear often, a silver chain with a sapphire cross that my uncle had given me as a girl. After Jon put a diamond on Stacey's finger, I took her to lunch as well, and gave her the beginnings of a charm bracelet, with the cross attached, and welcomed her into our ever-growing family. We had spent a week together on a missions trip a few months before, and were beginning to bond. I'm so happy to have more sons and daughters!

Our oldest, Abby, became Mrs. Dave Stalsbroten in a backyard ceremony under a canopy of trees on a beautiful spring day. I didn't have a special bracelet for Dave, but I'm sure he doesn't mind. I did give him a really cool Piggly Wiggly t-shirt that he says has been a ticket to fame in Seattle! But again, what an awesome guy, just a huge expression of love from our wonderful God. Abby was enjoying a great job, a great new city with all the new adventures related to both, and God just absolutely surprised her with a fast-paced romance. I think it was only a date or two before they both realized this is what they had been waiting so patiently for. Such a beautiful thing to see your kids come together like that. One of the most special times I remember with Dave was when he called (from Nicaragua - he spent 15 months there serving a non-profit) to talk to us about marrying Abby. We talked small talk for an hour before he got down to business. He said that he loved Abby very much and she was what he had been waiting for and could he have our blessing on popping the big question? Dave works in the health insurance industry, for a company with some innovative concepts. They are both creative people and dream of having a business together someday. They take full advantage of their beautiful surroundings in Seattle and spend lots of time outdoors.

We have our youngest, Jessie (who has made an pact with a friend that if they are both single at 35 they'll marry each other, but I don't anticipate that really happening. And anyway, 35 is a really long way off and he wants a bracelet, but we're fresh out), who is contentedly enjoying her life as a college sophomore. All this family change has been tough sometimes emotionally. The biggest thing she and I have discussed is the huge shift in loyalties. The big brothers that you hang out with and get so close to, and feel like YOU are their special girl, suddenly find another special girl, and it's tough! But she is getting to enjoy only child status for a while, which she's never gotten to experience, and we're making the most of this unique time in our lives. It won't be long before I'll be writing about the man who stole our baby's heart...

So...Wedding Number Three - here we come!

A Son's Wedding

Well, it happened. We married off one of our children. Our second-born, Jon married Stacey a week before Christmas in a lovely outdoor ceremony. It was a beautiful moment in time; a life-time of reward in one 30 minute ceremony. When your kids are young, their weddings seem so far away. On those days when they are throwing things at their little brothers or forgetting to do their Chemistry homework, a mother wonders if they will ever be mature and responsible enough to be married. So it is quite rewarding to watch that son grow into maturity, taking on responsibility for themselves, loving a woman, and asking her to be his partner for life. The words spoken on that day are for life, and a covenant is made. It was a momentous day, full of tears and joy and laughter. I laid my head on my husband's shoulder as Stacey walked down the aisle with her dad, and tried to drink in the moment. My handsome son was up front watching with baited breath as his beautiful bride came to him on her daddy's arm. They gazed into each others eyes and committed themselves for life. They prayed together and exchanged rings. Then we ate and danced and sent them off on their new life together. They have set up housekeeping nearby, and are just so adorable.

As a mom, I just continue to revel in the blessing. We sometimes go through very rough times watching our children grow up. They can make really bad decisions and we hate to see them suffer. We hope for the best in their lives, but they sometimes choose the worst for themselves. We spend countless hours on our knees, asking God to protect them and preserve them for His purposes. We watch them hurt other people in their immaturity and hold our breath until they make it right.

But then, they blossom. They start to say "thank you" more often. They offer to help. They pay for your lunch out together. They apologize. They become good citizens. They serve their community. They lead others. It's just amazing.

So far, my fondest memory of the last few weeks has been one afternoon when I had stopped by Jon and Stacey's apartment. Jon was home, but Stacey was still on her way. He looked out of the window the same time Stacey's bus pulled up some distance away. He said, "oh, there's her bus. Hmmm, I wonder if she'll come right home or if she'll stop and pick up the mail. Oh, she's taking the shortcut." He watched her every move, all the way to the apartment door, then he eagerly opened it, kissed her hello and brought her in from the cold. It was absolutely precious. So much love. I am so proud of him. And so happy for them both.

Leaving the Nest

I have written before about the nest of sparrow's eggs outside my front door...I'd like to revisit the nest theme again...

Five little blue eggs which hatched today. Now four tiny helpless little birds, with one more to go. I've been spying off and on all day.

Things are happening. In that nest and in mine. Lots of change, growth, shifting. It's all good. All natural, but it's sometimes painful change in my nest...I've only got four babies, long since beyond freshly 'hatched' and helpless, but I can relate to that mama bird...

Egg #1: She's almost 25, out of college for two years, working a dream job (albeit on the other side of the country!), and traveling. A lot. She just returned from a two-week trip to Kenya, on a photographic assignment for the non-profit she works for. That was the third of her international trips just since January. These trips are tough. They spend time interviewing people who are losing children to drought, disease and hunger. Somehow she has to capture the story so the story can be told, and therefore solutions can be paid for.

Egg #2: Oh my goodness. My baby boy asked his sweetie to marry him last night! I can hardly believe it. He's certainly ready, at 23, preparing for an engineering career, full of common sense and a fair amount of wisdom. He's got a great girl; she's amazing. Looks like this one is about to fly off to build his own family, and is in the process of preparing their nest.

Egg #3: Another boy turned man. He's 21, studying hard in college, living on his own and preparing for a military career. I still cry a little each time he leaves after a holiday or summer

break to go back. He's so strong. So thoughtful.

And then there's Egg #4: She's 18 as of a month ago, and fixin' to leave home for college in the fall. I can't think about it. I just find myself repeatedly putting it out of my mind, waiting for another day to think about it. But it's fast approaching...

The empty nest.

Ugh. I hate that expression. Empty. Sounds so lonely. So quiet. I know there will always be people around; my house has never been quiet for long. But this is such a significant year - all this change.

Maybe it should be called, the spacious nest. That way there's room for more. Room for those baby-birds-turned-adults to come home to their original nest, bring their friends and families, and enjoy some moments of refreshment and fun.

Even though they are either out of the nest or moving out soon, the comfort of the nest is always there. Our roles are changing, but there are times when Mom and Dad are needed as a listening ear and a comfort, even to healthy, well-adjusted adult children. We had the privilege of doing just that as our daughter returned to the US after her trip. We spent a few days together in New York, just talking, laughing, sleeping and eating. It was therapeutic for her, and such a blessing to us. These times are few and far between, but the bonds are tight and we cherish every moment we get. Part of our conversation was a frank discussion about how hard it is for us all to be apart. We didn't come to a conclusion per se, but the discussion is an open one, sometimes with understanding and sometimes with tears. I suppose similar conversations will happen with each of them.

Over the years, I've always put a welcome basket together for overnight guests with granola bars, fruit, a few bottles of water. When the kids were little, they always raided that basket upon the guests' departure. I look forward to the day when they will be my guests.

And this gives me some comfort as I look at the growing space inside my nest. Hang in there Mama Bird! Your babies will grow big and strong, able to fly on their own and build their own nests someday!