Preparing your Kids for Adulthood

I just finished reading another blog written by a stay-at-home-mom about the challenges of living on one income. I wrote about this in our lives, too. I am thankful that my husband worked hard and studied engineering, for it has made him a marketable employee, and afforded us the opportunity to live comfortably on just his paycheck. I also prepared for a professional career and it was sufficient to support me as a single woman during that phase of my life. I appreciate our parents edging us along in these directions. In generations past, this was common. Parents didn't feel their job was to help their kids discover themselves; it was a more pragmatic task of getting them out the door and employable!

I would like to talk to Moms and Dads about helping your children prepare for their adult life in this very practical way. I hear very little about this job that parents have, instead hearing about the day to day struggles that we all seemed to drown in, and thus losing focus on the big picture. The big picture is this: your children are born into your family and stay with you for about 18-20 years, and then leave you to lead their own homes. Their time in your home is all too brief (as I have written about here) but it is easy for young parents to feel like it might last forever due to sheer exhaustion. If you don't keep the big picture in mind, you will miss opportunities to help shape your children's career choices and thus their ability to support themselves financially.

Most Christian parents are well aware of their duty to help shape their kids' spiritual lives, and we are quite intentional about that. That is good. But there is another job we have that is quite important, too.

One of our main jobs as parents is to help our kids know what they want to do with their lives, how they can earn a living and be responsible, capable, independent adults. I know I am going to step on some toes here, but encouraging (and then paying for) your children to go to college and major in something that has absolutely no direct correlation to preparing them for a career is irresponsible parenting. By the time your sons and daughters leave home, for work or college, they should know a few things about themselves and about the world:

• What are my gifts and talents? What am I really good at?
• What do I love doing? What energizes me?
• Am I introverted or extroverted (or a little of both) and what bearing does that have on my career options/choices?
• Do I know what hard work really is?
• What careers are available to me with my interests?
• Is there a way for me to mesh the things I enjoy doing with a way to earn money?
• What do I need to do to prepare myself for the marketplace?
• What experiences can I gain to make me more marketable?
• Is this career I'm considering a solid one with a good future, and adequate pay? 

Jessie at one of her retail jobs

     

Abby is a journalist

Our sons 'working' for us

The sad tale of scores of unemployed (and maybe unemployable) university graduates is a serious one. So many of our kids' friends have never had a job of any kind, and yet have traveled the world and hold a bachelor's degree in...something...maybe grad school would help? So more debt is incurred, still with the student wondering what they will do with their lives. They continue to live on the generosity of their parents, and postpone serious relationships and marriage, because they haven't really grown up. 

It's a real dog-eat-dog world out there; the world is not impressed with your young adult's amazing summer in China if it does not make the potential employer's company more profitable. 

Parents must not coddle their teens in this area. Let them enjoy being a teen, but help them transition to the work world by requiring them to get a part-time job. Help them understand what it takes to be independent by asking them to pay for their own car insurance and gas. Encourage them to make good financial decisions by helping them budget their money. By the time they graduate from high school, they should have some years of work experience, lots of confidence and some savings. This will put them miles ahead of many of their peers. 

It's difficult to lead your family this way, especially if their friends at school and church aren't raised this way. I can remember many a tough conversation with our kids about why we wouldn't pay for their insurance or their phones, and those conversations always ended with, "I am responsible to stand before God for how I raised you, not so-and-so's parents."

Bankruptcy is not an option!

So parents, embrace this God-given role and help your kids find what they are good at, passionate about and interested in. Lead them in making a good career choice and a plan to prepare for it. It is possible to live on just one income, but it needs to be sufficient income to support a new household. 

And if you are one of those students whose parents didn't help you in this way, find someone who will mentor you. This list for 20-somethings was great, and includes a lot of the things mentioned in this post. If you didn't take these life lessons away from your parents, then now is the time to make them yours. 

Asparagus: It's not just for Veggie-Tales Anymore!

Junior Asparagus: cute little guy, and a staple in any child's DVD collection. Did he ever inspire children to actually eat asparagus? (Probably traumatized some...) Is asparagus in your family's regular menu 'collection?' Maybe this will inspire your family to indulge in this healthful friend!

Tonight's lesson - the amazing things you can do with this beautiful spring vegetable. We're preparing asparagus four different ways.

Rule #1: Never, never, under any circumstances, purchase asparagus in a can, a jar or frozen.

Oh my, who ever thought processing asparagus was a good idea? Probably not anyone who ever enjoyed it. It needs very little in terms of cooking, takes on simple companions, embellishes nicely, is delightfully nutritious, and serves beautifully.

Menu: Salami wrapped Asparagus
Thin spaghetti w/ Lemon Chicken and Asparagus
Roasted Asparagus, Steamed Asparagus w/ Hollandaise

Asparagus is an antioxidant and an anti-inflammatory. One cup provides over 100% of vitamin K, a ton of folate, vitamins A, B, C and fiber. And it's just so pretty. But only when just briefly cooked, as to retain the bright green. It actually gets greener in it's first few minutes of steaming, then starts to die as it's cooked too long...looking evermore drab as the minutes tick by. Don't let this happen! There is almost nothing worse than the sad, floppy, camo-colored remains of a formerly lovely sprig of asparagus.

We had an intimate group of four tonight, and then Jon helped us eat. :) Then we met up with the gals that couldn't cook with us to see "Soul Surfer." Oh, my goodness, we literally cried through the entire movie. So moving. What a courageous young lady. Such a hopeful story. Love those kind of films!

I'm groping here for a proper parallel between our adventures with asparagus and Bethany Hamilton's surfing story...but, I'm unable to find one. Oh well, it was a fun and inspiring evening!

Cannelini and Personality Types

"Hold up a cooking implement!"

Monday night cooking night...this time we have the usual suspects: Caroline, Becca, and the Jessies (though Stacey and Abby, of course! were greatly missed); but we're expanding with some welcome additions! Emily and Kristen joined us for the 'lesson' and of course, there's always a boy involved who somehow gets invited to the consuming part. That's fine. A way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right? And I've always said one of the most satisfying things in life is feeding hungry boys. :)

So, tonight, we're making Cannelini e Gamberetti (white beans and shrimp in a tomato sauce) and Calzone Fritti (fried calzone). Lots of instruction and demonstration on how to hold a chef's knife, popping little cherry tomatoes without squirting them all over the stovetop, kneading, keeping an even temp while deep frying, etc. Everybody's hands were busy and messy.

I loved this particular menu because it incorporates so many basic skills: chopping, mixing and kneading of a basic yeast dough, fundamentals of frying, utilizing the necessary ingredients in any great Italian sauce, peeling shrimp, dispelling fear of using too much olive oil ("don't be shy with the olive oil"). And in the end, you have this lovely, visually-appealing-long-before-it-hits-your-tastebuds platter of delight. And the fried calzone...ahhh, is there anything better than fried dough? Seems every culture has its version. And this has the added pleasure of cheese and ham tucked inside.

With so many bright young minds in the room, what could be better than ending a great meal with stimulating conversation? Tonight's topic? Personality types. We discovered several obvious ones in the room - The Enthusiast, The Individualist, The Achiever, The Reformer. I love the multi-generational nature of being with these girls. They challenge the way I think, and bring fresh ideas to the table. This age-segregation thing is not for me; bring on the twenty-somethings! (At least they'll tell me when I'm wearing something ridiculous!)