Family Projects

When Kirk and I married 25 years ago, we were paupers. Well-educated paupers, but poor none-the-less. And we were staunchly opposed to debt. So we barely had anything to fill our new apartment save a few random pieces of furniture: a really old couch from my grandma, Kirk's big 1980s stereo components, which included some hefty speakers that doubled as end tables, the lovely storage unit made from fruit crates to hold said stereo system, and a bed that we actually bought. Figured we needed a bed. :)

So, every weekend we scrounged yard sales in Dallas where we set up housekeeping. And in Dallas, you can find some pretty nice used stuff. One of our first acquisitions was a recliner that we paid $15 for. It was in good condition but we didn't like the fabric. I knew how to sew (clothing, that is) so Kirk decided with that skill in hand, we could recover this chair. He declared, "It'll be our first family project!"

And so our tradition of family projects ensued. We've repaired other chairs, built bookcases and remodeled kitchens. A good marriage takes effort; a 25 year marriage doesn't just happen. You must be intentional. We often talk to young couples about building oneness through shared experiences. Each time you do something together, it's like wrapping a thread around two pencils. If you only wrap one thread, the bond is not very strong...wrap many times around, and it's nearly impossible to pull those pencils apart. Add a minor crisis in there - spill a can of paint, cut the fabric too small, have to live without a kitchen for a week - all the better! The memories mellow (and sometimes get embellished) with time, and make for great stories.

That chair has been recovered a second time, and needs it a third. But the best thing is that the tradition of family projects is being passed on down to the next generation. Our son loves that chair, and I promised he could have it when he moved out.

But I had to take that promise back recently, when I rocked a baby to sleep in it, just like the old days...my kids are adults now, and I know that eventually there will be some grandchildren that need rocking, so I told Jonny, you'll have to find your own recliner!

Sure enough, he did (and he only paid $5 for it!). He and his girlfriend decided to attempt recovering their chair. I told him it would probably make or break their relationship...I would give a few pointers at the beginning, but they were on their own, to make their own memories. They are getting there, relationship in tact, but they are taking a breather. Jon has cursed it and verbally sent it to the depths of the earth a few times. It's about half finished, and they are doing a great job. But the best part is that they are building relationship through this experience.

Maybe re-upholstering a chair is too daunting to you, but what could be your family projects? Cooking together? Painting? Writing a book? Find something that is yours, and spend some time developing that skill. It may come in handy one day, as you are intentional in building a relationship with someone!