Restoring a Family Heirloom

My great-great Aunt Susie Frazier was a fixture in Howard County, Maryland. She first lived in a house in Ellicott City and then later, she built a ranch house on family land a few miles away, in the middle of some tobacco fields which she rented to local farmers. This was apparently the main source of her income; she had never married. My memories of her were limited to the few times we visited her when she was very, very old (at least as I recall) and the ugly dresses she made for me that my mother made me wear at least once. Her house smelled like you would imagine an old lady's house would smell, she had an old pump organ that we were not allowed to touch and there was nothing to do. We endured these few visits with my mother, because apparently, my mom was one of her favorite grand-nieces (maybe her only?). Mom spent many happy memories as a child at her home when she lived 'in town'. Aunt Sue spoiled her, preferring my mother over her rambunctious little brother, Bucky. Mom has repeated the story many times over how Aunt Sue kept a chamber pot in the house for her, so she wouldn't have to go outside to use the toilet. Apparently that was a big deal, because she didn't do that for the brothers or their male cousins.

                                           
              

What made Aunt Sue particularly well-known was her skill as a seamstress. She supplemented her land-lease income by fashioning and altering clothing for local residents. She even sewed for the governor's family! I remember a quilt on my bed as a child that Aunt Sue made...I remember admiring the little tiny scraps of fabric and choosing my favorites. One scrap in particular reminded me of little cherries; it was my favorite and I made a game of trying to find it among so many others. Why I had so much time to lay under the covers and look at fabric, I'll never know, but it intrigued me. It must have caught on, because now, I LOVE fabric and have way too much of it stashed in my attic!

My mother recently gave me one of Aunt Sue's creations, a yo-yo spread, named because of the shape of the pieces, I suppose. In researching the famous toy yo-yo, it was so named in the 1920s and gained popularity thereafter, although other cultures played with a similar toy. I think this spread was made in the 1930s or 40s, so this makes sense. 

The offending repair

It needed some work. Over the years, of course little care was taken - it was tossed atop many a bed, and summarily bounced on, sent through the wash, hung out in the sun to dry, etc. The all-cotton fibers have taken a beating, and the connecting stitches have come undone in several places. There was also a hasty repair about 20 years ago, that incorporated some very bright fabric; um, it doesn't work. 

 

So, I've got it spread out on my dining room table, where I can enjoy the kaleidoscope of color and pattern while I work on it. I've had to discard a few yo-yo's that were beyond hope, absolutely threadbare. But 90 percent of it is salvageable and beautiful. I've calculated there are almost 3,000 yo-yos. It has taken me at least 15 minutes to trace, cut, needle a running stitch around the perimeter, pull the gathers in to form a smaller circle, iron it flat, and sew ONE circle/yo-yo in place! Giving Aunt Sue credit for  being an expert, and getting much faster at it than I, I figured it took her 300-450 hours to complete this project. And let me tell you, 30 minutes of sewing something very small by hand is exhausting. Although I've hit the 50 mark and wearing multi-focal contact lenses, my eyes were screaming at me for a break after a while. (I seem to remember some very thick spectacles in my memory of Aunt Sue, now that I think about it!) But I cannot imagine her working on this for more than an hour at a time. If she worked at it 9 hours a day, it would have taken her ten weeks of full time work. Certainly it filled a year of after-dinner stitching to the sounds of Fibber McGee and Molly, and The Lone Ranger on the Philco radio. Sounds kinda nice, doesn't it?

I've also been inspired to try making one of my own. It's taken some trial and error, lots of error, and I've temporarily given up while I repair the real thing, but it's been a fun project learning how to do this. I have found very thin cotton to work best. 

The general steps are as follows:

1. Create a 3" circle pattern from lightweight cardboard (like a cereal box).
2. Trace onto several layers of fabric; cut many at a time (but, I'm not trying to cut all 3,000 circles at once!).
3. Stack alike fabrics together.
4. Using a quilting needle, sew a running stitch around the perimeter of the circle, about 1/4" from the edge, with a knot in the end of the thread.
5. Without knotting or cutting the end of the thread, pull it so that it gathers the circle around a finger. Knot it off after it is gathered and pulled tightly, creating the "yo-yo."
6. Press with a hot iron, to flatten.
7. After arranging the colors and designs, sew the yo-yos together at four points, creating a 'square' of 16 (8 of each pattern). 
8. After sewing 169 squares of 16 each, stitch them together in an appealing pattern to make a bedspread that will fit a queen size bed. 

Among the hundreds of faded vintage fabrics, I have found the ugly gray dress...still searching for the elusive cherries. So many pretty fabrics. I'm really thankful I have this treasure.

The backside (see that ugly gray gingham?)

ANOTHER engagement!

I know! It is absolutely crazy! I guess this is what our parents were thinking when all of our kids were born - bam-bam-bam. Three of them in just 3 years or so, the first of which was a "honeymoon baby." :)

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my three oldest, stair-step children are all getting married within 18 months of each other. It's just head-spinning, mind-boggling, wallet splitting fun! I'm so excited for each of them...let me brag on them and their significant others for a few minutes...


I'll introduce you to Nathan and Mary first, since their big engagement news is the headline of this post and the most recent development. Nate (as apparently he is only called at home) is Metty #3, born in Rome, Italy in 1989 while we were on assignment with Texas Instruments. (My husband had the privilege of working on a team of talented engineers who designed and built a $400 million "wafer fab" (computer chips) in the mountains of central Italy. That assignment plays into the story later on...) Nate is a senior Industrial Design major at Appalachian State University, where he met dear Mary years ago. She is also graduating soon with a degree in Early Childhood Development. She's a tall, blonde beauty with a kind and thoughtful heart. She's from here in North Carolina, and we just love her to bits. Nate is simultaneously two years into his 8 year commitment with the Army National Guard, and is presently missing the first 6 weeks of his senior year for training! He's blowing stuff up and loving it, though he misses his sweet Mary. They are planning an outdoor wedding in May.

Twenty-three years ago, when Nate was born, the Italian chemists that were assisting TI with their project in Avezzano gave us a gift for "il piccolo bambino." It was a beautiful gold ladies' bracelet with a place for engraving. My husband told them, "but the baby is a boy." They promptly replied that it was for his wife someday. So I've had this gorgeous piece in my jewelry box for all these years. Each time I saw it over the years, I thought about who would wear it one day, wondered when that would be and said a little prayer for her. So a few weeks ago when Nate ordered a stunning diamond ring, I began making plans to give this bracelet to Mary as well. I had the word Paziente (patience in Italian) engraved on the front, and their wedding date on the back. Patience marks their relationship in many ways, but I thought it was a significant word for me, too, as I've waited for my son to blossom into maturity and take on a family of his own. He as well has practiced a great deal of patience waiting for Mary to love him as he has loved her for so, so long. He's loved her since he met her, but they both dated others throughout college. He told me that he had always subconsciously measured the others with Mary as his standard. Love IS patient. 

I took a little road trip last Wednesday, and took Mary out to lunch. After we ordered our drinks, Mary thanked me for taking her to lunch, "Well, this is really nice. Thank you for taking me out today!" I promptly told her that I had a reason why I traveled three hours to take her to lunch, and I began to tell her the story of the bracelet. I told her that I had been praying for her for 23 years, and it's been so amazing to see what God has brought to us! It was such a rewarding time to be able to finally give that bracelet to the woman God had been preparing for our son. He had been preparing both of them for this moment with each other, both mature young adults, ready to take on the responsibilities of committing their lives to each other.

I wish that I had a story like that for each of my kids, but Nate was the only one given a gift like that at birth. But it sure makes me want to do it for my grandkids.

However, the idea of legacy has resonated with me for a long time, perhaps because of the gold bracelet. I've been collecting little things for my daughters and saving things for them passed on to me from my mother. And I've paid attention to the crazy family stories of generations past, and repeated them to my kids. And I've put aside things for my sons wives, and saved the sentimental things for them, because I know men don't appreciate things like that.

Jon, our oldest son and second-born, married lovely Stacey last December. I wrote all about that here. He was the first to get married, and there was a wide range and flood of emotions tied to that happy event. Stacey is a wonderful young woman, tender hearted yet strong, absolutely perfectly suited to Jon. They're both adventurous, energetic, and wildly interested in the world around them. Both are still in school full time (dental school for her, engineering school for him). She is strong where he is weak and vice versa. They serve God together and have great vision for their future together. I love the woman God brought to Jon.

I had been keeping something for Stacey as well for many years, though not as dramatic a story as Nate's bracelet. I wanted to give something to Jon's wife someday, too, so I kept my eyes and ears open when he was a small boy to try and find the thing that was special to him. Little boys adore their mothers for a few years, and I treasured the times my sons told me I was pretty. (Oh man, I'm tearing up thinking about those snuggly moments with those cherub-faced little three year olds...) I remember Jon telling me he liked a particular necklace I would wear often, a silver chain with a sapphire cross that my uncle had given me as a girl. After Jon put a diamond on Stacey's finger, I took her to lunch as well, and gave her the beginnings of a charm bracelet, with the cross attached, and welcomed her into our ever-growing family. We had spent a week together on a missions trip a few months before, and were beginning to bond. I'm so happy to have more sons and daughters!

Our oldest, Abby, became Mrs. Dave Stalsbroten in a backyard ceremony under a canopy of trees on a beautiful spring day. I didn't have a special bracelet for Dave, but I'm sure he doesn't mind. I did give him a really cool Piggly Wiggly t-shirt that he says has been a ticket to fame in Seattle! But again, what an awesome guy, just a huge expression of love from our wonderful God. Abby was enjoying a great job, a great new city with all the new adventures related to both, and God just absolutely surprised her with a fast-paced romance. I think it was only a date or two before they both realized this is what they had been waiting so patiently for. Such a beautiful thing to see your kids come together like that. One of the most special times I remember with Dave was when he called (from Nicaragua - he spent 15 months there serving a non-profit) to talk to us about marrying Abby. We talked small talk for an hour before he got down to business. He said that he loved Abby very much and she was what he had been waiting for and could he have our blessing on popping the big question? Dave works in the health insurance industry, for a company with some innovative concepts. They are both creative people and dream of having a business together someday. They take full advantage of their beautiful surroundings in Seattle and spend lots of time outdoors.

We have our youngest, Jessie (who has made an pact with a friend that if they are both single at 35 they'll marry each other, but I don't anticipate that really happening. And anyway, 35 is a really long way off and he wants a bracelet, but we're fresh out), who is contentedly enjoying her life as a college sophomore. All this family change has been tough sometimes emotionally. The biggest thing she and I have discussed is the huge shift in loyalties. The big brothers that you hang out with and get so close to, and feel like YOU are their special girl, suddenly find another special girl, and it's tough! But she is getting to enjoy only child status for a while, which she's never gotten to experience, and we're making the most of this unique time in our lives. It won't be long before I'll be writing about the man who stole our baby's heart...

So...Wedding Number Three - here we come!

Getting "The Townhouse" Ready

My youngest will be a sophomore at App State this fall. They don't guarantee housing for anything but freshman, so she and her buddies had to find another place to rent. They found this amazing townhouse, so we've been having lots of fun this summer preparing for it. Lots of shopping, sewing, stapling, gathering. They need a wedding shower to pull it all together! But for now, it's just some extra stuff that all the moms have gathered - a chair here, a blender there..

But Jessie's bedroom has gotten a little more special attention. I LOVE doing this kind of stuff, and she happens to be one of those people overwhelmed by all the choices and leaves a lot of it to me. I love it when a "client" can't decide what to do and asks me to make the decisions!

So shopping we went: the first trip was an epic fail that ended in tears (I know, #firstworldproblems) and halfway through the second outing, her countenance began to wane. After wandering through hundreds of bolts of fabric, she was losing heart. Then I saw it: a lovely bolt of linen that hit the spot. She proclaimed, "Let's get it" and we were off. It was the launching point to gather a few other pieces to add some color.

In the end, we had a padded headboard with a matching bedskirt, and three accent pillows. Pinterest is brimming with ideas for these things and she had seen several things she liked. The challenge was to zoom in on just one idea. I am a fan of starting with neutrals, and leaving some latitude for changing little things (like pillows) if you want to bring in a different color scheme. My decorating mantra is to spend the big money on things you can live with forever (like a neutral couch) and change up your accent pieces periodically.

We made the headboard so that it can hang on the wall - lightweight, with some mounting pieces on the back. I called my husband and his power tools in to make the big cuts, but everything else can be done with a pair of scissors and a staple gun. Very little skill is needed.

The bedskirt did require some skill; design, measuring, sewing. The pillows are simple sewing.




A few tips:

• Use lightweight 1/4" plywood for the headboard base
• I used last year's XL twin foam mattress pad from the dorm bed as the padding for the headboard - recycle!
• Make a pattern for the shape of the headboard out of a cut-up paper bag, wrapping paper or newspaper
• Measure twice; cut once!
• Cut the foam pad and the fabric a bit bigger than the frame of the headboard and then pull tightly around to the back and staple the cheese out of it!
• Re-cycle old pillows that you are through with for your new pillow forms. Down-filled ones are my favorite and are expensive new...but I have tons of pillows around the house I don't use anymore, so they are perfect for recovering.

We've really had a great summer together that started with two weeks at the beach, lots of hun-cal-fro-yo, playing "Draw Something" on our new iPhones, taking swim aerobics with seniors (citizens, that is...), learning new recipes, planning for The Townhouse, and just being girls together. 

 I just love her. :)

When a Daughter Marries

This has been one of the most emotional years of my life. All within the last 12 months or so the following has taken place:

-My son Jon asked Stacey to marry him.
-My youngest child, Jessie graduated from high school and went away to college.
-My daughter Abby accepted Dave's marriage proposal.
-My son Nathan went to Army Basic Training.
-My husband had to go to Puerto Rico for work, only bringing him home about once per month.
-I turned 50.
-Jon married Stacey
-Abby married Dave, at our home.




There have been incredible highs and lows of emotion...

When you are truly in love with your best friend, and feel like you are still on your honeymoon after 26 years, it is profoundly difficult to endure regular 3 week separations, with sometimes only 48 hours together in between. Many tears have been shed after intimate moments and on the way home from the airport to drop him off. I just miss him so much.

And on the day my nest became empty, leaving Jessie in her college dorm room was almost unbearable. We both cried buckets that day.

 I got to relish in the accomplishments of Nate at his graduation from Basic Training. We beamed with pride at all he was able to achieve during that hell-ish 10 weeks in a sauna-like South Carolina summer. Private First Class and a platoon leader at that.

Without a doubt, though, seeing your children choose their mates for life brings the wildest swings of emotion. At first, everything is so exciting - they're walking around in the haze of young love, practically oblivious to all else. There is no greater reward than to see your children following hard after God, and then seeing them so wonderfully happy as they find the love of their life. I had this deep sense of satisfaction knowing that they would no longer

have to just observe a great love in their parents; they would experience all of it for themselves!

Then the reality settles in that they are truly leaving your home and establishing their own. This brings some tears, although it is natural and healthy. There is still a tearing away, not unlike labor and delivery, another huge life change, a new season.
 

With my son, I felt more highs than lows...it seems easier to send out a son. A mother feels much pride in the man her son has become, able to love and care for a family of his own. His wedding was a thoroughly joyous occasion. And maybe that was because I wasn't too involved in the planning.  Just so happy that God was blessing our boy with a great woman. He is mature, and ready and take on a family of his own. No stress to go along with the emotions.



But planning and executing my daughter Abby's wedding was a different story. It's now been a little over two weeks since the huge event and I've had some time to pause and reflect. It was absolutely dreamy. We had a nice dry week leading up to an incredibly perfect day. About 75 degrees, a gentle breeze, sunny, no bugs, no humidity. About 145 people descended on our little neighborhood and sat under the trees and celebrated the wedding with us. We had lots of photos with great lighting (of course, well thought-out by the photographer-bride), lawn games, a photo booth, wine, great food, dancing, wonderful fellowship with old friends. Since Abby lives in Seattle, most of the planning happened on this end, so I was heavily engaged. I worked very hard to not become stressed out about the details. I knew that I had no control whatsoever over the weather; our backup plan was to do it all indoors and under a tent attached to the house. Each morning and at moments during the days leading up to it, I took practical steps every time stress would try to creep in. I prayed. I asked God to take care of everything and then I let it go, refused to dwell on it and got on with whatever I had to do. 

And as it turned out, it was perfect. No one was stressed. I had a huge group of amazing friends that stepped up and carried out our wishes for preparing and serving the reception. I hired a small crew to clean up and stack chairs, etc. Many people contributed their time and energy to setting and cleaning up. Everything went off without a hitch. We even had a nice morning after to get the yard back in shape and ready for the rentals company to come and pick everything up. Our family time together with all of the kids home, many extended family here, and so many good friends from years gone by to come and celebrate was beyond satisfying. My tank felt very full.

Watching my beautiful first-born make herself ready for her groom was a moment to soak in. She arranged her lovely curls with flowers and veil. A professional make-up artist came and enhanced all her natural beauty. We zipped and buttoned her into her lace gown, made to fit her lovely form perfectly. I stitched a special garter for her and embellished it with jewels and lace. A simple pearl dangled at her delicate neckline. She was the picture of perfect femininity head to toe. Ready to be given to her man as a gift from God. She was prepared. Her maids laid their hands on her in the ante-room and prayed for God's blessings on this marriage. She veiled her face, and linked arms with her dad. She whispered "I love you Daddy" with a gentle smile. With tears welling up, he said, "I just can't talk to you right now," and they walked down a burlap aisle.

Dave beamed as she approached him on her father's arm. We stood and honored the woman she has become, the bride made ready. They joined hands and committed solemn vows under a canopy of trees, while birds sang in the background. No cathedral could compare to grandeur of that forest.

I am amazed at what a spiritual moment the wedding of your daughter is. So much symbolism...Christ being the groom and the collective church, the bride. We spend our lifetimes making ourselves ready to meet our groom. And the covenant that is made on that day; we also have a covenant bound by love and eternity with our God. The joy that they will share together for a lifetime is all a lovely picture of the intimate relationship that God longs for with us. Those in a loving committed marriage get a little taste of Heaven.

Then there is the letting go of that girl, that young woman from the protection of mother and father and the giving of her to someone else's care. Trusting that he will love and protect her as much or more-so than we have. Kirk has always told our girls, "you'd better not bring me any man that doesn't love you as much as I do!" I rest assured that Dave loves Abby with all of his being. I watched at the rehearsal luncheon how Abby looked at him. There was such deep love and longing in her eyes. I feel quite confident that there is much depth of love, of trust, of hope.

As a matter of fact the word "hope" has appeared over and over again in their love affair. Dave told Abby on their first date, that he had hopes about her. Later, as they sorted out what was happening between them, he often told her that he had hopes for a life shared together. On their wedding programs, "Hope + Life" was emblazoned across the top.

But even with that assurance, there is no denying the intermingling of sadness and joy. Our relationship will never be the same. The change is deafening. The loyalties shifting. She bears his name now. But the joy I feel in knowing that a holy union has taken place and a new family unit formed in the way God intended it to happen, is quite satisfying. I feel completely at peace that this is right. This is what God wanted. This is what He has prepared for her. We've been praying for Dave since Abby was in utero. We certainly didn't know who he would be back then, but we prayed for him all the same. And now here he is. An incredible young man from a tremendous spiritual heritage. We love him and love his family dearly and couldn't have special-ordered anything better for our daughter.

I have reflected so many times in the last few months about my own newly married life. We moved far away from our families, and I know my parents suffered. But as a newlywed, I was completely absorbed in my new life. Calling or writing my parents was not high on my priority list. I see now how much work my mother put into my wedding, all of the scheduling and ordering and arranging. I can imagine how she must have felt being so far away, not having a front-row seat to my love affair. Mothers like all women, love a good romance, and when your own daughters are enjoying one first-hand, Mom would love to be front and center. I took all that for granted until now. Now I'm the mother of the bride with all this emotion to deal with.

But deep-down, I am so happy for them. I love that the legacy Kirk and I have begun is being passed on to this next generation successfully. So many riches have we absorbed from our own parents, and now on to our successors. I know that they will get to experience all the wonders of a committed loving, relationship with a life partner.

Till death do they part.

The Humble Lentil

As I've mentioned before, we have lived in Italy twice: once in the late 1980s and again, in the first year of this new millenium. Such rich cultural experiences can be had by living, not just visiting, overseas. Both times (and these opportunities were related to my husband's work) we determined to immerse ourselves in Italian life. We studied the language and tried to be culturally sensitive. We spent time in our neighbors' homes. Our kids played with an assortment of Francescas and Federicos. We ate Italian food, attended their festivals, and drank a LOT of cappuccinos, er, um, cappuccini.

Here in North Carolina, a traditional meal for New Year's Day is black-eyed peas. Eat 365 black-eyed peas for 365 days of good luck. In Italy, it's lentils. Indeed, it would be easier to eat 365 lentils. I didn't grow up in either place, so I've no attachment to the traditions, but it's always nice to have a good go-to recipe for these things if the mood strikes.

 So, in honor of the new year, our first cooking night involved this humble legume. Inexpensive, mineral and vitamin rich, and available in many colors, these high-fiber jewels need little introduction. But American diets don't typically contain them. I am not sure when I ate my first lentils, but I can guarantee it was well into my adult life.

Menu:

Lentil Stew with Sausage and Tortellini

Cornbread (homemade this time)

Assorted Pickles and Olives

Apple Crisp with Vanilla Ice Cream

My dear friend, Ana, also spent many years in Europe and introduced me to this wonderful recipe. I invited a crowd to help me cook this time, and we had many new faces. This recipe is easily multiplied and accompanied by cornbread and finger food, makes a hearty and well-rounded meal. It was a cold night when we cooked together, so a warm apple crisp with ice cream was perfect to go with this comforting soup. Becca, of Puerto Rican cooking night fame, chimed in, with "let's make more of the 'goody'!" She was talking about the topping to make apple, well, crisp. So we doubled the butter, brown sugar and cinnamon and, well, she was right! It was super-wonderful.